Husband hasn't come home

[blackandwhitecat123]

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

He didn't know the car park would be locked when his phone died

God, there's some right nasty people on this thread (with very poor comprehension skills)

Glad all has ended well. Its exactly the kind of situation I could see my husband getting himself into and he was diagnosed a couple of years ago with autism!

So how long has he been having the affair for do you think?

ODFOD. It’s not big or clever.

The only thing I would say is if he wanted to have a one night stand rather than an affair this would be the ideal scenario. So I wouldn’t entirely rule that out.

It does sound like he isn’t used to nights out in general which to me I’d be concerned about and would try to get him to have a couple of nights out with friends/colleagues in future but with his debit card, power pack, phone charger etc, I wouldn’t make him a pack as a PP said but I would ensure he knows exactly what he needs to bring with him on nights out in future. I do this when I go out, ensure I have power pack, debit cards etc.

You should also in general have a chat re emergencies and what he should do. Practising scenarios is a really good idea.

If it were me, if I couldn’t ring anyone I’d probably have knocked on someone’s door or gone to a police station or something like that and got home and then collected the car in the morning but can see why this man wouldn’t/couldn’t do it.

Also, I know someone who has recently been diagnosed as autistic in his 40s and it’s made a real difference in his life, knowing what’s wrong. He’s high functioning.

Spineless 😡

There are some idiots on here today, no one thinks you're big or clever you know

@blackandwhitecat123

I get that it's completely plausible, taxi's in these parts are like gold dust (you book 6 weeks ahead for the airport) and for us it's 10 miles from the city - driving back late last week I rescued 2 youngsters (19&20) walking along the 60 mph road, obviously a bit tipsy heading to our town, dropped them by the kebab stand to many thank you's- 4 hour walk with no footpath is normal here so yes waiting for a car park to open or the first morning bus is normal behaviour

What a twunt.

Jenny...I told you to get off MN and do your homework!!!!!

It was a genuine question. I very rarely use taxis. I had to once in an emergency with my then DS3. Taxi waiting outside a local supermarket, the driver said I had to book a job and he couldn’t pick up random passengers. I explained my phone and wallet weren’t with me (left in sister’s car who dropped me off initially) The taxi driver then called his base and booked a taxi for me. The base sent another driver and I paid him when I got home.
something similar happened to my colleague. She approached a random waiting taxi (was outside a bar) and told them she had no money/phone and the driver sent a job through the base to himself and took the fare.

Do you know where he was for the missing hours? Just wandering aimlessly?
It's probably worth letting people know what he's prone to ahead of any other socialising.

Jenny...I told you to get off MN and do your homework!!!!!*

😆😆😆😆*

As an autistic person (not saying OP's DH necessarily is, but as it has been mentioned as a possibility) I would be TERRIFIED to do this. First having to explain it to the taxi driver (what if there was a miscommunication? You wouldn't know for certain until the end of the journey so you'd spend the entire 45 miles worrying and going over your explanation again in your head) and then having to wake up your sleeping partner to borrow their card, as he doesn't use his own or know where it is according to OP (what if they were really deeply asleep, or said no for some reason, or it didn't have enough money on because it's almost Christmas and they haven't been paid yet, or it took you a few minutes to wake them up, ask them, find their bag, and meanwhile the taxi driver is just sitting there getting more and more annoyed?). Nightmare territory.

Yet more mythical taxi drivers who will happily get waved down in the street and carry a passenger for a 50 mile journey without having been booked and paid first!

Also, where are these police stations? My nearest police station is 10 miles away and open 6 days per week 10am to 4pm. The county town police station is open 9am to 5pm.

It isn't the 1950s any more! Police Stations operate office hours. There aren't public phone boxes. Lots of taxi firms no longer have accessible offices.

For the curious, if you get arrested in my county you will end up in the custody suite which is on an industrial estate on the outskirts of the county town. How you get home from there I have no idea!

I’m glad he’s safe, I do believe he’s telling you the truth. Move on and look forward to Christmas.

Bare in mind op,especially if ND this will have taken a lot out of him.so he’s likely to be knocked and knackered. And maybe even more quirk some at least for a time.the come down from episodes especially when you don’t have techniques can be brain zapping.

Always the resort of the MNer who lacks empathy or imagination! They must be very insecure.

Re "no-one would spend si hours wandering around in the cold" - my husband woul too, and this is EXACTLY the kind of situation he would find himself in. And I trust him implicitly.

If he stayed at a friends then why would he not charge his phone at theirs and send a message to let you know the situation?
OR why not get the company- paid taxi home and then go get his car in the morning?
staying at a colleagues house would be the last, least preferable option, and arguably the most difficult?
sorry this just doesent make sense to me. I hope I am wrong.

You are very wrong because you haven't read the OP's updates. HTH.

@Thefriendlyone and what would you have done instead? Perhaps there were no working public telephones in walking distance. Maybe he was in a village where nothing was open. Perhaps taxis aren't flaggable where he was. His solution was to sit and wait in the cold and wet. Nobody would choose that if there were other options.

Honestly, this is the sort of batshit situation I would find myself in, so I find it completely plausible. It's not that I'm not intelligent (in an academic sense, arguably I'm completely hopeless in other ways) or have no common sense, it's just that I would do anything in my power to avoid an awkward social situation. Plus I live rurally and spend a lot of time working outside, so spending a night wandering about waiting for the car park to open doesn't sound outrageous.

Round here, flagging down a taxi or finding a police station or, even, a police person, is way more implausible 😂

Glad your DH is home safely, OP!