Husband hasn't come home

[blackandwhitecat123]

I need advice please- my husband went out for his work night out last night and just hasn't come back. He told me the arrangement was that work would pay for a taxi home, then I would drive him back to collect his car today.

I last heard from him at around 6pm yesterday evening and not a dicky bird since. Sent him a message asking if he was having a good time at around 11pm, he hasn't read it. I thought that was odd as he would usually message me once or twice during the evening or at least let me know if he was planning on being late, and I would do the same. But I wasn't too worried and just went to sleep- assumed he was having a dance and a drink and a nice time. Got a sick toddler and I have the lurgy too so I was knackered.

I've just woken up and he isn't home, his phone rings when I call. WhatsApp messages are on one tick.

I'm absolutely frantic, this is really, REALLY unusual behaviour. He's a real home bird, not a big drinker normally (although has his moments) and likes his colleagues very much but isn't particularly close friends with them. He's just not someone who would stay out all night unexpectedly without saying ANYTHING, and I know he has battery because his phone rings. What do I do???

I think you both need to sit down and talk about how he deals with minor and major crisis’ because you have a small child. Are you ever going to be able to trust him to take care of your child alone when he makes such illogical decisions in the face of something going awry? That’s a lot of pressure on you to always be available in case something goes wrong.

Hi OP, glad he's safe. I have done similar things myself when younger for similar reasons to what you've suggested might be behind your husband's 'ways' - I have also walked around for hours overnight alone to avoid asking for help for example. I might even do this now if there wasn't someone at home worrying about me. Would your husband overcome his social anxiety in an emergency? I have always found I could. So I sometimes have to re-frame "what is an emergency?" in my mind. I can ALWAYS get my shit together where my child is involved, even for small things. So I know I CAN do it. Maybe your husband needs to get himself into more situations he finds difficult and succeed at getting himself out. Last night was a total failure, he will know this and feel absolutely awful. Lots of little successes are needed. Start small, right away. Practice asking strangers for directions, whether he needs directions or not! Practice asking about something in a shop. Things the non-socially-anxious just wouldn't think twice about! xx

I'd be inclined to check out said car park and see if it actually have gates.

Hmmm interesting story. But you know him , you will be able to tell if he is hungover surely. I hope all is ok now

Not read other comments on the thread but just to say, WhatsApp rings regardless of if your phone is off or on.

I had a friend missing for a few nights very recently. Her phone was dead the whole time and went straight to voicemail but WhatsApp rang and rang and rang.

My exDH once walked home after a night out. He missed the last train from central London and was too tight to pay for a cab. We lived in Surrey, if took him 7hrs. But in the end, the rain soaked through his coat and stained his best jacket which had cost £90 and was unwearable. This must have been 30 years ago. Would have been cheaper then to have just got a cab.

We had words!

Oh come on. You know where he was. Don't lie to yourself.

My brother, who I believe is probably autistic,
once failed to turn up for a big family party and we had to send out a search party for him.

He’d taken the train from London to a station in the West Country, then cycled for 2 hours to the venue.
When he finally arrived, he didn’t come in as he was worried it would be rude as he was so late, so he started cycling late at night back towards a train station.
Relatives went out in the car looking for him, found him and his bike in a ditch miles away and brought him back to the house. I think he was in his early 30s at the time.

In the moment, he genuinely had no idea that not cycling off would have been the best idea.

Select all of the OP’s replies for context.

And a merry Christmas to you too 🥂

If you called him on Whatsapp, his phone would still ring even if it was off.
It would only go to VM if you called him on his regular phone number.

Honestly if this is true op he needs safeguarding or a chaperone if he wishes to go out in future. I also don’t think he can be left with a child, im sorry , if he doesn’t have rhe mental ability to solve minor problems. I feel very sorry for him if it is true, I can see why he was crying. To lack the ability to think of a simple solution and to sit there all night in the cold and wet. It’s a wake up call, for both of you to understand his limitations,

Hey. Listen you’re married to him. The women replying don’t even know him.

if you believe his story. Then so be it.

He did find a solution. He waited for the car park to open. It's not the solution you would have found but it's a solution all the same. As someone with an ND husband I'm finding myself being a bit protective over the OPs dh reading this thread. My dh might find different solutions than you would but when shit goes down like I the time I was in ICU and nearly died he focused and managed just fine with the kids and the stress of a seriously ill wife. You have no idea from this one event what the OPs dh is capable of.

Op, what is the reason why he didn’t get into a taxi and paid them once he was home?
I understand your saying he may have social anxiety and would not approach a random stranger, however he could’ve flagged down a taxi? Has he issues with getting into taxis too? As they are people that don’t know him?

Read the updates.
I'm sorry you have been cheated on @Shaunalee. It still doesn't give you the right project your own man hating insecurities.

Phew, thank goodness you've come along and posted that, I'd missed the 654 posts saying the same thing 😂

Not everywhere has flaggable taxis, this was not in a city.

however he could’ve flagged down a taxi?

How many times has it been posted in this thread that not every town or city has taxis that can be flagged down @Creatingusernamesismygame?
You can't flag a taxi down in any town near where I live. These kind of taxis don't exist round here.

We don't all live in London

This thread is classic CBA to read the OP's updates.

Why do people keep posting this, do you genuinely not know that taxis can't be flagged down everywhere?

OP I must say I've enjoyed reading your post! Glad your husband is safe and sound, and I expect you're quite annoyed with him.

For what it's worth, I'm autistic myself and would absolutely do the same thing in his situation. Waiting outside in the cold for hours to be by the car? 100% would rather do that than talk to a stranger. I doubt I'd even have the capacity to problem solve to be honest, my mind goes blank when something doesn't go to plan. It's called lack of social imagination, I think.

It's not outside the realms of possibility at all even with no ND factors in there, it's probably a personality quirk (an inconvenient one that worries you sometimes, for good reason!) and there's absolutely no reason to suspect anything of him as you know. He sounds like a sweetheart and is clearly remorseful.

All the people swearing that he's definitely cheating need to give their heads a wobble. Such projection!