I cannot believe the conversation I just had with my dickhead ex about his Xmas plans. I need impartial views on what I should do.

[Rantaboutmytwatofanex]

Ex and I have 2 daughters, both under 7, we split when they were a newborn and 2 and have been attempting to co-parent since.

There is a long and colourful history of him being a mediocre father, and he has only had them for Christmas one half day (his choice) but has insisted on Christmas this year as it falls on his weekend. I'm obviously gutted to miss out for myself, but I'm excited the girls will spend the day with their dad.

Knowing what he is like I asked what he had bought them and if he has a stocking sorted etc.

He has bought them both 1 inappropriate gift each (stuff that he wants, and the girls have no interest in and are far too young for) and he said he isn't pissing about doing a stocking for them as he never had when he was a kid. He has no extra food in because they can have leftovers when I pick them up and he will just do pizza.

They won't miss out because I have stuff they need/have asked for/will like, and I know they will be really grateful for what they recieve at his house, but the things he has aren't even toys and are totally unusable for the girls.

So my choices are:

Leave them to have a no effort Christmas with their dad.

Provide the stockings they have here which will include treat food and small toys and books and give him all the santa key, reindeer food etc that make Xmas magic for little ones.

Tell him to fuck off and I just do Xmas as normal here and keep them.

I think I'm swaying towards the second option as they do love him, but I also resent the fact I have to put in the effort because he can't be arsed.

I've already spoken to him and he will not be making any additional effort at all, so that's not an option.

Any advice about what I should do?

I agree with @itsgettingweird

Just let him do things his way

Its only one day and you can still make Christmas special for them on the days they are with you

There are worse things in life that a Christmas day with pizza and minimal gifts

I would do this for sure

So when they are there he avoids interacting with them by going to sleep ☹️
Probably stays up late on other nights and considers his time with them as time to catch up on his sleep ☹️
Another useless sperm donor ☹️

go for Opt 1 - no effort xmas with their dad.

You will make xmas special for them with all the food, gifts and other treats you've prepared for them, it really won't matter what day it is when you do this with them.

you shouldn't be covering for your ex's xmas shortcomings. In any event, they love him and will have a wonderful time whatever he does for them.

This

I let my kids choose last year. There’s a way you can do it letting your kids know it’s totally cool who they spend it with my kids chose their dad and it was a really relaxed conversation and I let them know everyone was happy with their choice but tbf he put on a lovely Xmas for them.

I hate. Hate, hate this! No consideration for the kids, just his own selfish needs as he probably doesn't want to be alone on Christmas Day. I'd personally tell him to fuck off and keep the kids... are they going to enjoy this, no? Hate these second rate fathers who make their kids life miserable to facilitate their own wants and needs!

i can’t believe what I’m reading.

no I wouldn’t send them there. It’s easy. No they are not coming because what you have described is a very sad, shit day and you can take me to court if you want.

tell him that he can pop over and see them or that he can get them at 5pm

what a dreadful role model he is!!!

No way would they be going. They are both young and very much believing in Christmas.

Plenty of time to realise their dad is a plank. Not this year though!

I definitely wouldn't be covering for him. That way, martyrdom beckons, imo.

Do all the nice things you have planned with them, before they go, or when they return.

@FloydPepper get a grip! It's Christmas with young children and she wants to make sure her kids have the best time. This man sounds awful... what is dangerous about this woman wanting to make sure her kids have the best Christmas because the lazy, inept dad can't be bothered to provide anything nice! Hate this guilt mongering on mothers who call out shit dads!

Shame that you're car just won't start to take them to him...

You need to reconsider doing all the running around as again you're facilating him.

Or as others have said, don't send them but I guess the kids might be feeling sorry for him, if that happens.

He doesn't value them, by the sound of things, just wants his 'share' of them to prove some ridiculous point.

1 or 3

'Dd, you know daddy doesn't love Christmas as much as we do, so I've told Father Christmas to leave stockings and presents here for when you get home. Daddy has got you some presents from him. We'll have Christmas dinner the day after which will be exciting as you'll get two Christmases.'

I think you have to leave him to it, they'll have the same amount of fun, just on another day.

I wouldn’t send them. He’s a disgrace of a Father.
I would tell him if he’s not prepared to make an effort for one special day, then they will be staying with you. He’s horrible.

You're too involved. Stop asking. Let him mess it up. They'll soon realise when they're old enough.

But I'd pack a present just from you in each dd bag. And tell them it's there, so he can't take credit, and they have something to play with...

They will be there from Friday tea time until Sunday night so my options will be the 23rd or the 26th for doing Xmas (my oldest works so won't be there for either of those days either which the girls will be gutted about).

That would make me lean towards the fuck off option - but Op only you can gauge the fall out from that - though I'd question the value of the time the spend with him if he just sleeps.

Initially I thought just let him get in and don't cover for him, but now I'm thinking this. If they are under 7 it's no long before the older one doesn't believe in Christmas anyway. Don't let it be ruined for them before it has to, there will be many Christmas' once they know what is going on for him to give them crap presents and pizza

This

What species of thundercunt buys photographic equipment for himself and makes out it's a present for a little girl?

Better to have no present than a crap one - somehow such a transparently selflish, thoughtless gift is much more of an insult. And he's willing to upset/confuse his daughters just so he can have a new lens or whatever.

I don't even know him and I hope his next bowel movement has holly in it.

If he doesn't like having Xmas on his own, he's got a few shockers in store for him in future, I suspect...

This. If he isn't going to do a decent Xmas for them he can fuck right off

I don’t think I’d be sending my young children to a man who is that stupid really. And neglectful. And it is neglectful to sleep while two young children are not supervised. Dozing on the sofa with them is one thing but this doesn’t sound like what happens. And if he is stupid enough to think a microwave is a suitable present for two young children how can he have enough intelligence to keep them safe?

I wouldn’t send them.

Couldn't agree more!!

Sorry if I missed this, but will they have presents from his family despite them living far away? I.e. will there be child-friendly presents for them that weekend?

I'd be tempted to do Christmas, stockings and all at yours on Boxing Day. Will their older half siblings be there?