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Original poster

What’s the worst thing you’ve found out about someone after they’ve died?

386 replies

Watisthis · 16/12/2022 20:03

Going through a big shocker at the minute. Has anyone ever had something massive come out after a loved one has passed away?

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 17/12/2022 10:06

My friend found out that she had two full siblings - her parents were unmarried when she was born so she was put up for adoption but they eventually did marry and have two more. Her siblings only found out when their mother died and contacted her through the registry which my friend had joined when she was 18. This all happened when she was in her 40s. Totally rocked her world. They all look alike too.

honeylulu · 17/12/2022 10:06

When my husband's brother died in his mid 40s (cancer) husband discovered he had been a heroin addict for many years from the huge amount of paraphernalia in his house - filthy syringes etc.

It explained a lot about his odd behaviour and always having no money. Usually he was very open about discussing his problems so the real surprise was how completely he kept this quiet.

WilsonMilson · 17/12/2022 10:07

growgrowinggrown · 16/12/2022 20:12

Not in the same vein but, but found my 86 year old grans humongous rampant rabbit in the back of the wardrobe when clearing her house out.
Equal parts horrified and hysterical laughing, only saving grace it was still boxed up.

I haven’t read the rest of the thread yet, but this is hilarious and horrifying in equal measure. Brilliant!

Deathraystare · 17/12/2022 10:09

@growgrowinggrown ·

Took me a while to work out what sort of rabbit you were talking about and why it was boxed up!!!!

purplesocks · 17/12/2022 10:23

Found out about six months after his death that my late had cheated on me, and lied about several major things.

FlamingJingleBells · 17/12/2022 10:28

No sign of the op yet people are still sharing their private family secrets. Not on, op you need to share more details then just one word.

Bestcatmum · 17/12/2022 10:41

I found this out before she died. I did a DNA test and found she lied to me about my father my whole life, she made up a big fantasy about a beautiful spanish man who had died before I was born.
My father is a jail bird and scum bag.
I see why she may have lied but I hate lies. I feel our relationship is just based on lies, there are other things as well.

caringcarer · 17/12/2022 10:42

When my Mum died we found many Xmas and birthday gifts in wardrobe. One my sister gave her from fifteen years ago. When we used to ask if there was anything she wanted she always said no, save our money. I suppose she meant it.

EileenAdler · 17/12/2022 10:48

Not really a biggie but as revealed from numerous letters, her diaries and a number of "interesting" photos and 8mm cine film, my Great Aunt ( she left us her house ) was bisexual and had had a string of affairs with other married women as well as enjoying a regular threesome with her husband and her literary agent ( also female ). She also says in her diary that her first lesbian encounter was on her 14th birthday, with her music teacher !!!!!.

HappiCamper · 17/12/2022 11:00

I found out that my really boring, and frankly quite lazy, grandmother had been an athletics champion at school.

RobertsRadio · 17/12/2022 11:08

I think Op needs names, ages, oh and how much all of your houses are worth before she can finish her article for The Daily Slop.

JudgeJ · 17/12/2022 11:09

When my MIL was still alive she was sorting some familiy papers that had been dumped on her as the eldest and we found her mother's marriage certificate, four months before she was born! We teased her about it because her mother had always been held up as a saint. After MIL died we were looking at the 1911 Census and discovered that her sainted mother had had a child before MIL who had been brought up as MIL's sister. OH vaguely remembered visiting this 'Aunt' as a child.

KloppsTeeth · 17/12/2022 11:15

DarkDarkNight · 17/12/2022 07:18

I hope people are happy for these stories to appear in a tabloid or clickbait article.

The OP asking for stories but failing to provide their own to set the thread off, then just providing a one word answer is dodgy. Journalist, or maybe someone fishing for info.

Yeah not bothered. It’s good to hear in but but it is risk with any post and who is to know if any of it is really true, partly true or made up. 🤷🏼‍♂️

MrsThimbles · 17/12/2022 11:15

MrsOnyx · 16/12/2022 20:31

My mum always kept a diary and wrote a page (A5 size!) a day about what she's been doing that day, her opinions on the current news stories, gossip about the neighbours, what my dad had been up to etc etc.

I "inherited" a large pile of them (around 30 diaries) when she died. My dad pre-deceased her by two years, but she kept up the writing until she passed away herself.

One day, a few weeks after her passing, I picked one up totally at random, opened it at a random date, expecting to read that she'd been to Tesco shopping and had fish and chips for supper. Instead, I read - to my horror - that she had discovered that day that my dad had been having a long term affair. She clearly had no idea, and neither did I. She never told me.

I’m so sorry this happened to your darling mum and to you. I know first hand what kind of a bombshell this is and I would just like you to know I’m thinking of both of you.

KloppsTeeth · 17/12/2022 11:17

RobertsRadio · 17/12/2022 11:08

I think Op needs names, ages, oh and how much all of your houses are worth before she can finish her article for The Daily Slop.

Don Kiddick, 69 of Ted Verity Towers, Peckham. £250k

Rightsraptor · 17/12/2022 11:20

Why would any journalist be interested in this? All this stuff is utterly predictable behaviour from human beings: the lying, cheating, betraying. It's all as old as the hills.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/12/2022 11:22

KloppsTeeth · 17/12/2022 11:17

Don Kiddick, 69 of Ted Verity Towers, Peckham. £250k

Show quote history
Grin

For some reason, this reminded me of Jeremy Vine this week reading out a tweet from Sir Michael Take on live TV. There's not a lot of research done in modern journalism, in the old-fashioned sense of verifying information and evaluating the credibility of sources. Not enough cynicism left!

Incredibly, even the Daily Mail has been Taken in ... leftfootforward.org/2022/10/daily-mail-mistakes-spoof-former-tory-mp-for-real-mp/

Americano75 · 17/12/2022 11:25

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 17/12/2022 11:22

Grin

For some reason, this reminded me of Jeremy Vine this week reading out a tweet from Sir Michael Take on live TV. There's not a lot of research done in modern journalism, in the old-fashioned sense of verifying information and evaluating the credibility of sources. Not enough cynicism left!

Incredibly, even the Daily Mail has been Taken in ... leftfootforward.org/2022/10/daily-mail-mistakes-spoof-former-tory-mp-for-real-mp/

Show quote history

That was funny AF. He tried to make out he knew all along. 😆

MrsThimbles · 17/12/2022 11:27

I really would like to send best wishes to everyone who has had to cope with the reality of bigamy, other children, adultery, other lives etc when a loved one has died or even if it’s come to light during their lifetime. It’s all just so awful that years later I still can’t come to terms with it all and I can only say to people - how can you come to terms with something you still can’t believe happened.

A very big unmumsnetty hug to all of you from me.

LaLuz7 · 17/12/2022 11:32

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

How ridiculous. They're dead. They don't care.

FleasNavidad · 17/12/2022 11:34

"And for any horrid journalist looking for a story they don't have permission to use content from my posts."

You gave them permission when you posted it.

FleasNavidad · 17/12/2022 11:35

"Why would any journalist be interested in this? All this stuff is utterly predictable behaviour from human beings: the lying, cheating, betraying. It's all as old as the hills."

Bless you, so naive 🤣

SaveMeCheezus · 17/12/2022 11:35

Found out my Grandmother had had a long running affair within the family (with her BIL) when I was very very small. Both couples ultimately stayed together but understandably the family dynamics never recovered.

If I'd known before she died that she was the reason I missed out on relationships with all my similar age cousins (I'm an only child) and was such a massive hypocrite (she was a very judgemental person who painted herself as holier than thou) then I wouldn't have wanted a relationship with her - I was angry with the people who kept it from me too, I felt I'd been lied to / fooled into thinking she was something she wasn't.

postcardpuffin · 17/12/2022 11:36

Any journalists scanning this thread for details would be better off reading a Catherine Cookson novel. It’s not as if there is identifying information or anything really unsurprising, unless you know the people concerned!

I have a few - a friend of my parents, who killed himself, we all thought he had been struggling with terrible mental health problems and felt very sorry for him, as well as his wife and children. Only later did we find out from his wife that he’d done it because she had come home early and found him in their bed with two prostitutes, and then it turned out he had run up £50k debt on webcams and sex workers which he’d then secured on his house and meant his family were going to lose their home. He’d also given his wife a nasty STD as well. He was much respected in the community, so his poor wife had had to go through the funeral etc. with everyone saying how saintly he was and such a wonderful person, when he’d actually behaved appallingly, and as a coward, had left his wife and kids to deal with the fallout. What a deceitful, lying bastard.

Taught me never to assume that anyone, particularly a man, is who you think they are.

Another is a long dead relative of mine. When I was a kid he had an adult “son” who we occasionally saw, but who had appeared as an adult with some story about being a long lost child out of wedlock, but who everyone in the family felt there was something a bit off about/not quite ringing true. My relative, who was reasonably wealthy and an older man who took many luxury trips to places like Thailand each year, left his “son” his whole estate. No bother of ours, but a few years later, my aunt got into family history stuff and started researching their family trees. It turned out that not only was there zero evidence for this “child out of wedlock” thing, but that it was reasonably likely that the “son” was probably a former gay lover. If true, it’s a huge shame he had to hide his sexuality; but the deception didn’t make us think very highly of the “son” for going along with the charade.

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