What’s the worst thing you’ve found out about someone after they’ve died?

[Watisthis]

Going through a big shocker at the minute. Has anyone ever had something massive come out after a loved one has passed away?

Well said
this thread is so poignant and sobering -I am so grateful to the posters who have shared -none of my own (that I know about yet 😀) but so thought provoking

I am truly sorry - it want intended to be offensive and I said it because I have a a strong respect for the Jewish faith - the faith that gave me mine, though I have obviously been misguided. All I can do is apologise and not use the term again. FWIW, I didn't "know" it was offensive, but felt that some people might be offended by it - which can happen with any remark at any time about any group. However now that I am aware that it is considered offensive I won't use it.

And I am also truly shocked that in Britain Jewish communities need to have security. I know that synagogues are very careful about their placement and the necessity for cameras etc, but I wasn't aware that Hebrew Schools were in danger of being targeted.

I have obviously been very naive. And again, I can only apologise.

This has to be the most surprising /why would or ( how could) anyone v keep that a secret?

My Jamaican dad joined the Canadian airforce during the war and then transferred over to the RAF as all the Jamaican airman did.

This was because after joining the war, the USA joined forces with the Canadian airforce and didn’t want any black airman because of racism. I understand black servicemen in the US airforce were given support tasks and were not airman.

Sorry that was for @Retired65

I'd also recommend "Empty Cradles: Oranges and Sunshine" on this topic. Absolutely heartbreaking accounts.

There was a film (I think on Netflix) called Oranges and Sunshine based on the book. This was a few months ago, but it may still be available.

I discovered in my father's files after he died that he had been accussed (by the boys) of physically abusing 21 boys in his care and had been interviewed under caution for it.

Prison here too (well: internment). It’s still a slight mystery.

And a letter from my grandfather to my grandmother suggesting they get together again - purely because he risked being sacked as his boss had found out he was living with a woman not his wife, and making it quite clear he was still in love with the other woman.

The saddest thing is that she gave it a try.

That was 1932. He lived with the other woman until his death in 1966.

A gay friend & his lesbian sister clearing their Dad’s stuff found the Dad’s stash of gay porn.

Oh, and forgot to mention my great granddad being found guilty of manslaughter of 10 people.

And being illegitimate.

Yeah, all that.

Thank you for this.

Yes, the situation is parlous. The Home Office is so concerned about the security of Jewish spaces that they provide a £14m security grant. This is mostly spent on Jewish schools. Some goes to places of worship but members of the synagogues generally contribute to security funds in order that they are able to worship safely.

Ya would be surprised. I have seen articles where they have used MB threads as basis for an article. They usually twist it a bit like

Thank you.

I had no idea about the severity of anti-Semitism in the UK. I knew there was some, obviously, because there will always be dickheads wherever you go, but it's really chilling that in this day and age, and after the horrors of the Holocaust, that ANY faith - but particularly Judaism - is so uniquely targeted that they require a govt grant. It's beyond shocking.

I'm so sorry that people still need to worry about their children's safety like this is what is a supposedly civilised country.

It was my dad vs the other man - the one who challenged him. It was supposed to stop at first blood but the man kept fighting and dad didn't want to die so...
I really could have gone the rest of my life not knowing and I resent my younger brother for sharing it with me. It changed how I saw my dad. Still love him, but that and abandoning/keeping secret my half-siblings made me very angry for a very long time.

Clearing an old friend in his 80s, flat after he died. Found his stash of 500 porn videos and 250 porn cds.

We found out that my sweet Nan was a shoplifter. She had always liked nice things and was immaculately turned out, but had little income and lived in council housing. After her funeral a neighbor told us that people didn't like going to the shops with her, as she would change tags and lift things. Bit shameful really but doesn't change how I feel about her.

Sameeee

Saddest yet, she didn't deserve you. A big hug your way

I am in my 50's and always found him creepy as a kid , I was not in the least bit shocked either !!

@AllOfUsTogether Thank you so much for sharing your fascinating story. I am still trying to get my head round it all but maybe it's something that I will embrace further as I go along. I had so many Jewish friends growing up, as did my parents, it's a culture I've always been immersed in in some way. Yet I had no idea of my heritage.

I'm really grateful to you for sharing.

After my grandmother died, her cause of death shocked everyone - she had had lung cancer, chosen to not have it treated and not told anyone. She was fully competent and had suffered years of ill health before the diagnosis which came less than a year before she died. I understand her choice, she was ready.

She was so tiny when she died, she’d had a life long functioning eating disorder but even so, she was under 4 and a half stone.

It was a huge blow to my parent who had cared for her, whilst working full time, for years. The stress and worry at her ever decreasing weight and ever increasing frailty no matter what they did in those last few months was awful. I understand her decision to not be treated but not her decision to not tell her child who was acting as her carer, it was cruel and selfish. I’ll never understand that choice.

Relative 1 had a first husband not even her children knew about. Divorced and he was involved in a. Famous persons death.

Relative 2 had an affair with her lodger who is my godfather.

@EverythingsSoComplicated I'm so sorry. Be kind to yourself 💐

The elder ones were able to get jobs at sea to prove that they could look after the younger ones with wages. Sadly before they could come back with enough money to be allowed to take the younger children out -t he two youngest boys had been sent over to Australia never to be seen again.

the workhouse would often find apprenticeships for the youngsters “at sea” as it reduced the costs at the workhouse (less mouths to feed) and an apprenticeship would hopefully mean they didn’t need to come back to the workhouse soon.

sometimes though if the boys got very sea sick they were sent back to the workhouse, other apprenticeships might then be found for them.

warwick workhouse sent many boys up to the northern coast towns, many miles from home & the bits wouldn’t have ever seen the sea previously.

Me too!

Lots of good novel plots in this thread, so true that fact is stranger/more interesting than fiction