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What’s the worst thing you’ve found out about someone after they’ve died?

386 replies

Watisthis · 16/12/2022 20:03

Going through a big shocker at the minute. Has anyone ever had something massive come out after a loved one has passed away?

OP posts:
Littlegoth · 17/12/2022 08:14

Huge secret debt.

Littlegoth · 17/12/2022 08:15

Also secret child in Barbados. Not the same person

JustCakeInDrag · 17/12/2022 08:17

Can we have everyone’s mother’s maiden names and the names of their first pets too, please?

Saracen · 17/12/2022 08:22

A friend that I thought was one of the best human beings ever to walk the earth was a paedophile. It did explain a number of little mysteries which had always puzzled me. For example, I think that the huge huge effort he put into helping people in big ways and small was probably his attempt to compensate for the massive guilt.

Echobelly · 17/12/2022 08:24

Not me, but a cousin of mine found out, after her uncle died, that he was her real father, and had been having an affair with his sister in law. Apparently some members of the family then got sniffy with her as if it were her fault!

Mumma · 17/12/2022 08:28

Excessive debt on hookers. No joke.

purpledalmation · 17/12/2022 08:31

My SIL died and left a secret will which evicted her husband of 12 years from her house. She left it to her adult sons who were already buying homes of their own. It was also uncovered how she was financially cheating her husband all that time.

Yemelade · 17/12/2022 08:35

Mine is kind of sad.

A neighbour and "family friend" (female) died in my early twenties. My mother for much of my childhood had not been mentally well so was in and out of hospital a lot, (never had a father) and I remember baking cakes, going on walks, watching TV and doing fun things with this family friend and always felt safe with her. Occasionally, she would spend the night in my mum's bed, and we were told it was because it was too late for the bus home. She was always there in the mornings before we woke up, made us breakfast, took us to school. I loved her possibly more than my own mother. When I was about 9, I made 2 mother's Day cards in school, one for my mother and one for this family friend. My own mother hit the roof, was pissed off at me and I was made to feel bad for thinking that way and told "never think that again. She is not your mother". At about age 12, I was asked by people in school if my mam was a lesbian. I didn't even know what it meant, and I was scared to ask my mother because she was pretty emotionally volatile.

About 3 months after the family friends death when I was 21, my mother told me I was conceived via sperm donation, the family friend had been her long term partner (and was slightly older with adult kids) and that they had intended to raise me together. However when my mother was pregnant, she grew concerned that I would be bullied or ostracized in school and m mother (as a result of mental health problems) kept questioning her sexuality and had a difficult time admitting her own sexuality to the world. This woman WAS (none biological, but definitely still) my mother.

I really hated that on her death bed, with my bio mum present, I couldn't tell her "thanks for being my mum" - I feel stupid now when I read this back because clearly she was my mum, but I never got the chance to understand and appreciate that before she died. Beyond her death, my relationship with my bio mum became even more strained and she has now passed too and I've also found out things about her, such as she started a love affair via weekly letters with an inmate in a local prison.

labazslovesliving · 17/12/2022 08:35

my partner grew up with his twin and what he thought was a full brother. day of his mother's funeral came out when my partner was 18 months old his mother had an affair and his brother was the result.
she kept this a secret for over 50 years they had a very tumultuous marriage and never it did not get revealed except to one relative who decided at his mother's funeral to reveal the truth.
since then the brother decided to come down to beat up my partner as if it is his fault resulting in paramedic and police help his father is now in a nursing home after a fall on 24-hour bed now and he has serious mental health issues the home find hard to deal with due to this the twin has disowned all the family and its all down to me and my partner to deal with all the crap

purpledalmation · 17/12/2022 08:41

My own father had a long time mistress and possibly a daughter. I was younger (teen) and did t know anything about this. When he died my older brother went to see her to tell her he had died suddenly and saw this other girl. Mum has since died and no one ever talks about the affair so no idea other than he disappeared every weekend for years. Understand now why mum was very cold towards him.

PaulaTrilloe · 17/12/2022 08:43

At my father's funeral there was a man who I "recognised" but couldn't place.
I noticed my sister had a similar reaction to me and she gave me a quizzical look.

Turns out dad's good friend was one of the Grange Hill actors from our youth,!

They had a shared hobby. Dad hadn't mentioned it to us.

Lovely fella

That brought a bit of cheer to an awful day and I'll never forget that flash of recognition between me and my sister.

Thanks dad!

AclowncalledAlice · 17/12/2022 08:47

That at the time my parents died they had been divorced for over 40 years and never remarried when they got back together. I remember dad leaving and then coming back to live a few months later (he maintained contact with all of us though so visited often). Every year we celebrated their anniversary with not a clue that the divorce had ever happened. I only found it out when they both died in 2020 and I was going through their things. I've yet to tell my siblings though as it would probably break their hearts to know our parents had lied to them. They had a much closer bond with our parents than I did so I don't want to trash my siblings memories of them.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/12/2022 08:47

growgrowinggrown · 16/12/2022 20:12

Not in the same vein but, but found my 86 year old grans humongous rampant rabbit in the back of the wardrobe when clearing her house out.
Equal parts horrified and hysterical laughing, only saving grace it was still boxed up.

Is . . . is this a euphemism? 😬

MatronicO6 · 17/12/2022 08:48

Found out an uncle had remortgaged the house several times over to find gambling. So whilst my aunt thought she owned the house outright in her mid 50s she instead got mortgage demands from bank.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/12/2022 08:52

Fedupofdiets · 17/12/2022 07:01

I had an older colleague who to look at was very straight laced and 'proper', a bit like a scary headmistress. We used meet up for coffee and she told me she and her husband hadnt had sex for years as he couldnt 'get it up' and that her rabbit was the best thing she had ever invested in. She kept this a strict secret from her husband as he would not approve. She sadly died suddenly and I often wondered how her dh felt when he found her rabbit, poor sod!

Oh bugger - it IS a euphemism.

I know this sounds naive, but I honestly thought that the first poster meant that her DGM had a Flemish Giant as a housepet and it slept in the wardrobe. I'd wondered about the "boxed up" bit!

I feel such a twit. 😳

wobblymum1 · 17/12/2022 08:53

After my dad died, while working through the red tape of closing direct debits and subscriptions for him, I found a trail of emails with a woman he was having an affair with. Rather than it sounding sordid and cheap, their emails were so full of love and hope for a future that they could maybe have one day. but he clearly didn’t want to leave my mum on her own or is girls. Very mixed emotions about it but I sometimes think I wish he had the chance to pursue something with someone he clearly loved and vice versa.
I never told my mum or sister as would only have hurt them.

JustHereForTheDeletionMessage · 17/12/2022 08:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Emotionalsupportviper · 17/12/2022 08:55

I found out my relative was a Daily Mail reporter.

Thoughts and prayers @thedancingbear .

😂😂😂

SoupDragon · 17/12/2022 08:56

So, you want people to share their detailed stories whilst only giving a vague, one word answer for your own?

🙄

Mailista · 17/12/2022 08:58

Dorisbonson · 17/12/2022 05:07

And for any horrid journalist looking for a story they don't have permission to use content from my posts.

They do, if you put them on a public forum. Unfortunate but true.

Pismascrescents · 17/12/2022 08:58

I haven’t “found out” per se but one distant relative is so strikingly similar to another relative that I have very little doubt that there must be a closer blood tie than the official one

Hopeyoursproutsarealreadyon · 17/12/2022 08:58

Been nc with my dm for 20 years. When she dies the people in her new life will he shocked if i turn up!
Similarly my df. His dw doesn't even know he has numerous dgc..

Charlize43 · 17/12/2022 09:00

Watisthis · 16/12/2022 20:11

Prison

What was the crime? I think more detail is needed here.

LlynTegid · 17/12/2022 09:01

One of my grandfathers had been a widower when marrying my grandmother and had a child by his first marriage. My grandmother knew he was a widower but I am not sure knew about the child of the first marriage at the time she married.

I was not told of this until after my grandmother died.

Sonyrecording · 17/12/2022 09:05

Dorisbonson · 17/12/2022 05:07

And for any horrid journalist looking for a story they don't have permission to use content from my posts.

You know how pointless that is right?