Incident in Solihull

[YoSofi]

Comments on news reports are saying that five children/young teens have gone through ice into a lake and are in a critical condition.

Really hope that all involved make a full recovery

My son nearly died when he was a baby in an accident that would have been my fault, through negligence (the kind of thing a very tired new mum nwrangling a baby and a toddler does when she's not thinking straight). It was sheer luck that he was fine. I literally relive it in my head every day and think what could have been, and how close we came to losing him so early in his life. The horror of that alternative universe. And one tiny part of the horror of it is knowing that there are people like you out there, who would take time out of their day to blame it on me and smugly reassure themselves that nothing like that could ever happen to their children.

I don't really believe in fate, but fuck knows I could never tempt it like that.

There will be an investigation and there will be blame, because people can't except that shit happens.
But I don't think anyone has a right to judge the parents. They will be going through so much grief and guilt (even though the guilt is misplaced). Not a day will pass that they won't be thinking 'what if...' a thousand times a day.
We already have a very sedentary group of kids because parents are worried about letting them out to play, that will lead to health issues in adulthood.
It's absolutely devastating for the parents that this has happened. But sadly accidents do happen, and sometimes kids (and adults) do daft things with tragic results.

I can relate to this.
My children always had a bath together and one time I put the younger one who was 4 in the bath on her own.

Went downstairs momentarily and as the older one was watching TV something in my brain assumed they were together as they never bathed alone before and I forgot she was not there with him.

15 mins later I thought my daughter had been being quiet, realised she was not downstairs and my heart was in my mouth as I ran upstairs to the bathroom. I was half thinking I'd see her under the water but she was happily playing away. It could have been so so different through.

I have a 10 Yr old ds that does out to the park with his friends most weekends, there but for the grace oof god go I. This was not the parents fault at all.

They could have all had 1000 swimming lessons and countless talks about safety near that lake before for all anybody knows, but a lot of parents wouldn't think about the possibility of thier child falling through ice in the UK. I would trust my child not to go into a body of water but until I talked with him this morning he didn't know not to walk on ice. No judgement needed.

Are any of us perfect? Perfect parents? What makes a perfect parent?
People are beating themselves up needlessly because some parents do things differently so we think we should all live by example.
My dd played out when she was younger than 10, I don't feel bad about it what are we supposed to do keep them locked in the house?
I'm not perfect and I wouldn't judge anyone, especially when they've just lost their child it's particularly cruel and it's plain nasty.

Bless this girl.

www.itv.com/news/central/2022-12-13/babbs-mill-park-solihull-girl-recalls-she-tried-to-save-boys-from-frozen-lake

I can't bear the way this thread has turned down to one, maybe two posters.

It was going so well. Lots of support and a sharing of disbelief, sadness and grief.

This thread will be pulled if the vile posts continue. Please don't bring it down to this.

If any family member or close friend is reading. Please ignore the vitriol and know that 99.9% of Mumsnet hold your babies in our hearts

This. I have been thinking about it constantly since Sunday.

Hi all

Please can we keep this discussion about the incident, as reported by the media?

We can't imagine how painful this is for those involved, so please do bear this in mind. We will be removing speculation, or posts that simply are not in the spirit of the site.

Oh what an absolutely wonderful brave young lady xx

What a lovely girl bless her and so wise for her age.
Very young still I hope she's not too traumatised.

Well thank god these awful parents have been well and truly punished then, because with you judging them like this is really what you are saying.
Accidents happen all the time, because they are just that. Accidents. You cannot watch and be with your kids 100% of the time as it's just not possible and it's also not healthy.
This one appears to have happened as the kids were trying to help each other.

As I said upthread, I used to live in an area with a very similar demographic to Kingshurst with a similar geographic as well. It is absolutely normal for children to be playing out on the field, in the play park and down towards the large lake. It is just part and parcel of life, I would imagine that the three local schools have had serious talks with the children. On Sunday, there was a post on the local Facebook group saying that kids had been playing on the edge.

If you are not part of a community like that it is perhaps difficult to understand. The park with a lake is seen as a safer option than playing on the streets (with all the stupid bikes and car drivers) for starters.

My kids are in years 4 and 6 and have both come home today to say they've been warned in assembly of the dangers of ice and open water in the summer. All the kids round here play out. It's just what they do. And what we/I did when I was young.

i live locally, and so therefore follow local Facebook groups and the video the sun posted came from someone in the block of flats facing the lake, and that person commented on the group, saying he filmed the commotion from his window not realising what it was and uploaded it to social media, someone then forwarded it to the Sun who then used it.

whether that is actually true or not who knows, HOWEVER, he then said that he suddenly heard a woman screaming within the flats that her son was in the lake and then he ran to help.

so actually, if that’s correct, and one of the boys / all of the boys lived in flats (as there are quite a few on the estate and nearby in Chelmsley Wood) and we had snow in the Midlands over the weekend, it’s very likely the lads were outside without parental supervision if they didn’t have a garden and just wanted to muck about outside, probably like they’d done so many times before. They’d probably been told about the dangers of deep water, but there is just something about ice and how exciting and tempting it is. Next thing you know, the worst has happened…

My kids would have been playing out in the park aged 10 and 11. And very possibly aged 8 too if they were not too far away and were with older kids. Our local park has a big deep pond in the middle. I can totally imagine a scenario where I say "yes you can go to the park to play football, be back in half an hour, don't go near the lake". It was early afternoon, it wasn't dark.

Then the ball rolls onto the edge of the water, it's all white, they don't realise it's ice, they're in it before they know it.

Wee souls, praying for them and their families. There's no blame from me, just sadness. I'm sure their families will regret their choices that afternoon every day, they don't need any more guilt.

It is perfectly normal in all demographics for children to play out near water, be that the sea, rivers or lakes. Occasionally, as in this instance, tragedies occur. It should be a time for grief, not blame.

People always need someone to blame. You can bet in the coming weeks the media will focus on someone, be it the parents, schools, or government. In this country, some people just cant accept that sometimes accidents just happen. Its not always someone elses fault.

If you are posting from a place of smug superiority and boasting about how you’ve never let your DC out of your sight for even a millisecond, what are you getting out of writing that? Does it make you feel good? Proud? Do you feel better directing the blame at the poor parents? I can tell you now that to the rest of us, you look cruel, and smug. It’s unnecessary. You don’t need to say it. Somewhere in Kingshurst this morning, families are waking up (if they’ve even managed to sleep), in the worst agony you could ever imagine. Not just mental, not just emotional - a physical pain that will never leave them. I have very sadly witnessed it with both my aunt and a friend who have lost children. So take a minute before you boast about your levels of superior parenting. Accidents happen. And they can happen at any age in life, when you can no longer keep your children wrapped up in cotton wool. So instead of writing rubbish on here, maybe thank God that it’s not you waking up in anguish and eternal torment because your child has died.

Yea - and the parents of these boys knew where they were! They were in the park!

I repeat - empathy with, not judgement of.