How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

It's 25 years ago this week that I spent a week in hospital with DS who was 11 months old. It was exactly as you describe.

All the care was given by me. I was actually as ill as he was. There was no-one to help, no-one to watch him. I didn't even get a camp bed at first though they did grudgingly provide one in the end. The staff were horrible to me, I'll never forget it. DH was at work but came in to bring me food / give me chance to get washed in the evening.
The women with a baby opposite me had four children and couldn't stay overnight. her baby was just left by staff to scream all night ( I hadn't the heart to tell her when she crawled back in after taking her kids to school.
When people are praising paed units I can only think how bad it was when I was there.
This was in 1996 so nothing to do with current shortages.

Yes i often grab a blanket and iPad as well as water to prepare for a long wait in A and E. The last admission I had nothing prepared and I pulled some damp clothes off the radiator. Hospital had to put a gownon him. But now he's an adult still needing someone with him all the time they are obliged to offer us meals and drinks. It's just what's left after the patient's have been served theirs. Sometimes might be just a sandwich but better than nothing. Parent carer's had a meeting on the children's ward to express our views. We said we were happy to pay for food from the canteen if it could be brought around with the patients. We didn't expect feeding for free. They bring a trolley around with chocolate sweet's paper's magazines can's of pop etc. But no sandwiches or anything. Our vending machines do take card and money. But I always have cash on me anyway. Just in case.

That’s so lovely. Well done that mumsnetter. Sorry you’re having to deal with that (on top of everything you’re going through) I speak from experience when I say that having a child in hospital for days on end is a nightmare, so I truly feel for you. Enjoy your grub! x

Its disgusting that the hospital expects you to be at your baby’s side 24/7 and not be able to go to the toilet even Has hospital actually stated that expectation? Is it recorded the child need 1:1 observation? The op has chosen this and is not prevented from going to eat, or use wc. No one has told the op she cannot move. There is a huge amount of passivity here, why can’t she go and eat or use WC? Does the WRVS nor come on with the trolley?

And cot bumpers can be added to minimise risk of bumps/injury. I’m surprised there not in place

Oh amazing! I am so glad someone can help. We have a charity that supplies our local hospitals with food for parents now, set up by the parents of a little girl who was really upset thst her mum was going hungry

This is what we asked for when my son used to be on the children's ward a lot. Seems pointless food being wasted when there's parents not able to leave children who need to eat. I used to have a bag packed with pot noodles and mug shots anything instant.

Just to update a lovely mumsnetter has messaged me and bringing me some Tesco bits up Flowers

So I guess this was a sort of begging thread GrinBlush but I was desperate and very thankful someone's coming

If you started the thread as a begging thread as you wanted a MNer to drop stuff off for you, then why did you not say that in the beginning?

It would have saved a lot of hassle beating around the bush if you had just said is anyone in X area that can bring me in X, Y and Z and I’ll give you the money when you get here.

my ‘local’ hospital is a 50 minute drive from where I live so it’s a pretty big favour to be getting someone other than a close relative to be popping in. It also has no shop of note, unless you want a newspaper, magazine or a chocolate bar between 9-12 - also a key time for ward rounds. It’s rural so no Tesco express to nip to. As a PP noted, with the specialisation of medical care, patients travel miles which makes visiting harder. At a hospital my DF was in, patients flew in or came by ferry.

part of the issue is that wards aren’t clear on their expectations. The ward I was on was a merry go round of staff and visitors, yes buzzed in but hardly security checked,
they arrived mob handed without identifying themselves. My child was a baby but I did wonder how parents with a clingy, distressed toddler would have coped with no familiar face for them. It’s a horrible situation to be in and personally, I wasnt in the best place to be advocating for myself.

@CarefreeMe i think the OP’s
comment about a begging thread was light hearted!

I’m sure OP mentioned she was told not to leave her baby in this thread.

And I have queried I don’t think that literally meant stay 24-7 literally don’t go.It’s all very martyred
if the child needed actual 1:1 observation on clinical grounds the ward would record that and have to allocate staff eg student or HCA

It definitely was.

Not remotely similar to your typical Mumsnet begging thread either.

I'm so plsed someone's bringing you something. This is awful. Years ago I was in a similar position and the nurses were so kind & helped me too. The dinner lady used to remember me and bring me a cheese sandwich. I'll never forget those wonderful people.
Well done to the wonderful mumsnetter for helping.

There are a few people being harsh to the OP. I had the same experience about 12 years ago when DD was in hospital. Luckily I had family to take over so I could go home and get showered and have something to eat, but it's not beyond the realms of possibility that a parent might not have that cover.

I think this has started because a lot of parents don't want to leave a poorly young child in hospital by themself, so provisions were made to let parents stay overnight. However, this has turned into a state of less care from nurses because there's now an expectation that there'll be an adult with the child 24/7. People can say there won't be unknown adults coming and going from the ward all hours, but this simply isn't true. When I was there with DD, there were people coming and going at all hours. There's no way, I would have left her unattended because the nurses were too busy or simply didn't care. They weren't going to check whether she was still in bed every five minutes or that she wasn't pulling a cannula out or even who she was or who she was with (she was 2 btw, and wasn't put in a bed that she couldn't climb out of and had just about learned to speak and I wasn't going to leave her overnight on a ward that also had a 17 yr old male patient on it). People can state that you aren't expected to stay with the child and can leave anytime you like, but no one wants to leave a child under those circumstances.

Just incredibly lacking in empathy. Only explanation I could think of was that you’d not been through it. But the fact you have makes it even worse.

pleased* sorry for the text type!

i think the OP’s comment about a begging thread was light hearted!

Thank you that went completely over my head 😁

Many MNers would be happy to drop something off if they were able to, so I wondered why she hadn’t just asked.

this was inevitability going to end in a saviour a mumsnet angel offering food and travelling to deliver it
There was only 1 direction it was going
The op martyred pleading and mn hyped responses made it inevitable

Maybe she can't afford to?

And isn’t it wonderful that there are good people in the world who would help a stranger out.

What a nasty response.

It’s not nasty it’s an observation of the inevitable outcome. You can of course disagree

On reflection I think all the OP needs to do is to say she needs 5 minutes for a wee; 20 minutes to get some food, if there is an expectation she needs to be a care provider 24/7. If there is an issue "I'm sorry but this is the third time I've asked and this is a need rather than a want". If there's still an issue I'd say "I am sorry but I am going now and you are in loco parents. "Please can you note on my dd's file that I have asked three times and been refused three times".

When I have been in hospital with the DC it has been an expectation that parents stay and provide pastoral care for their children. I have never had the extremes op is suffering from but neither have I found nurses very willing to do even the basics except when ds was 4 months with bronchiolitis. That was in 1995 and I think there was still a prevailing culture of proper nursing from nurses who were traditionally trained to nurse. The other nearby hospital was OK but getting chippier 4/5 years later. DD was admitted there with bronchiolitis at 6 months and I was still b/f so I was fed handsomely. I don't think it shoukd matter whether mothers of babies and under 2's are b/f or not. They are still probably exhausted from broken nights - it's just another punishment for mother's who didn't b/f for whatever reason.

DD was in QEQM Margate in 2008 after an accident and the care was reprehensible. That now stacks up. Poor clinically, poor pastorally and very poor in relation to conduct.

Oh I’m so sorry, I had this recently with my DD ☹️☹️. It’s Awful. I kept asking everyone - from student paramedics coming into observe to student nurses/ HCA )they sometimes had slightly more time capacity than the nurses who were literally run off their feet) for anyone to sit with her while I literally RAN to the shop in the hospital to buy supplies for myself for the next 24 hours. Was back by her side in 8mins. wasn’t great but at least I could eat. are you in an isolation room or a ward? If a ward, could another parent at least comfort your little one while you run to get supplies/ bathroom trip? And you can return the favour? I hope she feels better soon xx

Good people helping strangers and all enacted online.Heartwarming
or alternatively approach ward staff,assert yourself,have some food,a break,use the wc

There are some very unpleasant people on this thread.

OP has been sat beside her DC on very little sleep or food for 4 days. Maybe her decision making capacity has been somewhat impaired. Maybe all the medical staff she has seen seem too genuinely busy for her to dictate that she is leaving to get food.

It sounds like a horrible situation and criticising a sleep deprived, hungry worried DM is really not a good look.