How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

@Firstbornunicorn I was lol at ordering in too! The hospital I was in was rural - no delivery company was going there with or without hospital permission. And if the OP is begrudged a wee, how does she coordinate picking up a pizza delivery? Special request to toss it up to second window along on the third floor? When I was in with my baby I was actually sorry for the staff too- the services were inadequate for them as well.

I'm a HCP and come off it having a relative by bedside for 4 days would be amazing especially for more mobile difficult patients . I think OP needs to speak up for herself and say I'm going, if the staff pull their face oh well. They will have to sort it out, op isn't advocating for herself..

How is it awful to wonder? The OP has started a thread. People are responding with what they are thinking, whether it is helpful, or not to the OP. Some posters will naturally wonder why the person looking after the 7 year old could not bring in supplies, or swap places for a bit. Hardly awful speculating!

I'm so sorry you're in this situation, they've assumed you're there to jointly care for your DC
I was in your situation 28 years ago but thankfully my ex DH at least brought me sandwiches in.
How lovely a local MNer is able to help.
If I was anywhere near, I would've been happy to help too
I hope you and DD are home very soon

but op isn’t staff,posters are suggesting it’s a sneaky rouse by short staffed ward. have the op present to bolster up short staff ward
of course a relative bedside can be helpful and reassuring to pt, but it’s not factored into overall staffing roster

To add to my earlier comment I had an elderly family member I was responsible for on a ward at the other end of a very large hospital and I was only six weeks postpartum, the staff had no choice but to watch my baby twice during consecutive nights while I hobbled across the hospital to make end of life decisions and hobble back, even in these extreme circumstances it wasn't a given someone would keep an eye on her, it was only because the other ward needed me and arranged it and they didn't sit with her just kept an eye on her.

Oh goodness, my friend has a child {Now teen} who has an ongoing condition that could result in them having to go to hospital at the drop of a hat..She too kept a bag packed ''Ready to go''.
Seems to be a good idea.

I had to go to hospital for an op and was warned that there weren't enough blankets, and to bring one from home!

That really surprised me. I did take a warm blanket in. Shortage of pillows, too.

Uber Eats / Deliveroo / Just Eat will deliver groceries and hot food to the ward.There will also be a parent’s room with tea, coffee and biscuits.
Simple, no need to be a victim. Every other parent manages.

@Hintofreality and what hospital does this?? My son was in NICU this year and the parents room was amazing. We could leave DC at anytime as they have nurses that care for them 24/7. Once your child is in paeds, it’s a whole different ball game. There’s no one to care for your child 24/7 so you have to be there all day, all night. If you have no one to swap with, no one to bring you a change of clothes and no one to bring you food. You really are on your own. There’s no lovely parents room with tea, coffee and biscuits. This isn’t Casualty

Really, really happy to hear someone’s kind enough to go Tesco for you and bring you a meal. Maybe there’s hope for humanity yet!

I meant to speculate on her relationship status, as I was doing saying it could be an ex partner who she doesn’t have a good relationship with.

If it was a current partner, her ten months old father, then I am sure it would be an easier situation.

But if she didn’t mention that, then it could be an awkward situation.

For example - My exh wouldn’t have pissed on me if I was on fire - he would have had his own child while I was in hospital with another but if i’d asked him to drop me in some food he would have laughed in my face.

If she keeps staying 24/7 the staff will assume they only need to do basic observations and medical care not continuous observations. They won't have obviously put her on the rota as she's not official staff but staff will assume baby needs less input as a relative is there. OP needs to do is say no I'm going home I need to see my other DC have some food and a shower. They will have to rejig it but it will be sorted as the baby is in the hospitals care. OP needs to tell them shes going not ask.

There was a parents room when dd was in hospital, getting to it was a different challenge but it had tea, coffee, milk, ready made baby formula in bottles with teats. This was a few years ago though.

Glad you’ve got some bits of food now OP; I’ve found this really varies. We were in a hospital in Dorset where I was offered cups of tea and a sandwich at dinner time whereas our local one offers nothing; the cafe closes at 3pm and the shop at 5 with no shops close by so can’t even do a quick dash to the hospital shop and there is a parents room but if you have a baby who is distressed or climbing up on the cot sides how do you manage to use this.

And you, so suited to the caring profession.

If someone was to read OP's story and not know the country, where do you think they might guess it is?

It seems to depend on the hospital. I was offered meals when my son was in for a few days in 2020 and nurses sat with him while I showered. We were lucky enough to have an en-suite so I could at least go to the loo with the door open so he could still see me.
Several years earlier, at a different hospital, none of the parents in the ward were offered anything.

I see. Yes that would not be a good position to be in, sorry. Hopefully the OP is able to get help from whoever is looking after her other child.

Staff are in a busy clinical environment for the patient,not to feed and monitor the healthy bedside parent
@Lemonlady22 is correct. It’s a busy ward for the patients. The parents can and should sort themselves out.

This is all very martyred

There is a clear need for parents to be supported with under 5s. It is actually cruel to leave a parent in your position with no rest, food, support etc.older children can be left, older babies and toddlers are going to be really intense to care for in those circumstances. I actually think it should be the hospital’s responsibility to help parents out in a paediatrics ward as they are providing care a lot of the time.

Where is your DS and who is looking after him? Surely they can bring you some food ?

I don't think she's suited for the caring profession. I'm beyond grateful when relatives come. I make them tea , a nibble even on my lunch break. It frees up more of my time and I look after patients with very very complex needs.

Great that someone is visiting with food. I’d try to get someone to deliver things you can buy in the M&S Simply Food in our local hospital eg ready made salads, scotch eggs/quiche etc, microwave meals and things like Pot Noodles, Instant Pasta in a mug etc. I’d take myself off for the time it takes to boil a kettle/put in microwave and come back. If someone could bring in a flask you can fill with boiled water that helps too.

Definitely get onto PALS. I don’t know if any charities work with hospitals or have volunteers to come in.

Its disgusting that the hospital expects you to be at your baby’s side 24/7 and not be able to go to the toilet even.

I hope your baby gets well soon.

Many relatives don't bother visiting my patients or for long stretches so I'm very pleased when they do.

I am so sorry. I have had this experience. Barely ate or slept the week my son was in hospital. I am not near or would bring you something.

I really feel for you. All of us who had a sick child admitted during the 1 parent policy knows this feeling. I think you should contact literally anyone you know who would help, even if a few hours drive away. This is a desperate situation and you need support.