How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

Haven’t read the whole thread but most hospitals have a team of volunteers who am sure would happily go to the shop/cafe for u and bring u some supplies.

Hope your daughter is on the mend and back home soon.

Some really nasty responses on here.
zone2 especially seems to be on a mission getting the boot in.
Op I hope you get help for the rest of dcs stay in hospital and ignore some of the hatefulness on this thread.
I despair what mumsnet has turned into

@Zone2NorthLondon it isn't always so easy to assert yourself though. From the thread it seems the OP is a single parent with no support and potentially vulnerable.

It helps to be assertive when you have a partner, are both professionally qualified, and apart from your sick little one have narry a worry in the world.

As soon as you said Bedfordshire I knew it would be the L&D. I'm so sorry you are being treated like this. So glad someone is local to help. I used to live in dunstable years ago

If hospitals don't provide food for non patients, and I accept that, they should then make sure to install Japanese style vending machines where you can get hot/cold food and drinks with a card payment. Simple enough, but requires a little ahem....investment. It would be so much better if there was something like this on every floor surely rather than having to order in and wait ages, or trek to the shop probably ten minutes away with limited options, or get someone to bring it in for you.

I also think that there is a bit of emotional blackmail going on in paeds. Just be there for your child 24/7 you are its mother/father and it is your responsibility to watch the child at all times. Well ok, medical care includes basic care also surely. If you dare leave your child's side for a minute you are deemed guilty of neglect. Dreadful judgment by staff in general or so it seems from what I am reading WRT certain hospitals.

When my partner was in hospital on end of life care I was always offered food and drinks. Same as when my dad was in hospital too. That's awful they don't offer you anything.

Agree. I can’t believe how unkind people are being to a mother who has no support and a sick baby. So what if her refusal to leave her child is “self imposed”? I’ve had a baby in hospital that I wouldn’t have been wanted to leave for a second unless I knew someone was keeping an eye him. Surely that’s completely normal and rational? Luckily I was in a hospital where I trusted the nurses to take care of him. Doesn’t sound like the OP can do that.

It's definitely not the same in all hospitals- my teenager was in earlier this year and I'd grabbed a couple of cereal bars when I was heading out to A+E and assumed that would just have to do me overnight. I was very pleasantly surprised to be given a a cup of tea, a choice from the menu at tea time and breakfast the next morning. For the extra few pounds that must cost per parent per night I think it's a better use of money than a lot of NHS initiatives to be honest. They could even have a donations box so those who can afford it can pay something back- I'd have happily stuck a tenner in.

Where do you live that delivers to the hospital ward? Our local delivery driver's deliver to the hospital yes. But only to A and E. It's at least a 10 minuite walk through the hospital each way. I once had a takeaway delivered while A and E. I'm not blaming the busy overworked staff but by the time we got it it was cold. We eat it anyway because after 6 hours with only water we were starving. DS had to have something to eat before his evening meds.

It did not come across as a begging thread at all, just a shout out for some virtual support. So nice someone came to your aid.

Where I used to live we had a choice between L&D and Watford general . Both utterly shocking. We’re in the royal free trust now which is much better. I’m so sorry OP if I was still local I’d have come and found you and pretended to be auntie for 20 mins while you had a freshen up and something hot to eat. I’ve been in your shoes.
Fingers crossed your get a break soon or madam perks up enough to be discharged .

No helpful nor what she has requested.

What a dreadful situation.

I was in A&E a few weeks ago and in the 7 hours I was there waiting a tea trolley arrived TWICE with free tea, coffee, sandwiches, biscuits, crisps and fruit for all those waiting.

It's disgraceful how some trust's are managed so much better than others.

So glad that someone has been able to come and help you get what you need, OP, and hats off to that kind person.

Bloody awful that it was necessary though.

The difference is, depending on your baby's health condition, that the worst thing that will happen to a poorly six week old is probably that they'll cry for ten minutes.

The worst thing that will happen to a mobile and active toddler in a metal cot is that they'll give themselves concussion, and that can happen in seconds. Ditto elderly people with dementia can fall and break bones in the time it takes to walk down a ward.

Yes I was with my dd as a baby around that time but I did manage to sleep there in a small,room and I'm sure I had food. I walked her around in a pram they let me use I think

Staff were nice and I'm sure I ate

I've also just remembered whilst visiting my DSis following her Stroke last month, my other Dsis and I were offered sandwiches, biscuits, tea and coffee on the ward too.

We are in Cheshire.

I see posts from staff who work in busy wards stating it’s not up to staff to keep,op fed are dismissed as cruel etc
i am not speaking out of turn and I’m not wrong.A hospital is busy and staff are overwhelmed looking after sick patients. The expectation is that the visitors make adequate provision for their own food,hydration,going to wc
There will be a parent kitchen with basics, op can go make drinks,toast etc

I know

I had that when I dared to go and phone dh or have a shower when my ds was born yet I was told to ring dh to pick me up

Your baby is crying etc

It sounds like they don't want her to leave her dd for a minute which is ridiculous as she needs to eat etc

OP you poor thing. I did 6 nights in hospital a couple of weeks ago with my 15 month old and I was offered three meals a day. I used to escape to the toilet when he was sleeping and grab a coffee from parents room at the same time. I did without showers so I was utterly minging by the end. I just used to leave the room and announce to the nurses at the reception area where I was going if any problems. I’m sorry you’ve had such a terrible experience and absolute sympathy from me because once my DS started to feel better (after 48 hours) he was just an absolute nightmare keeping him that cot 24 hours a day. He pulled everything out, cannulas, breathing equipment, the probe to monitor his sats. I watched all seasons of fucking peppa pig at least three times. And yes, it absolutely felt like the nurses/doctors waited until he’d just fallen asleep before coming in to do more tests. Hell on earth but at least my food was fabulous as was the care given to him and me. Virtual hugs from down south and I’m glad someone has come to your rescue.

I have read your posts, and I am wondering what the matter is in your life. Why does the idea of somebody else being given some help make you so pissed off?

That the OP is going t be brought something to eat after four days with no food doesn't actually mean that you are any worse off, does it? So why the need to have a go at her and at anyone not being nasty to/about her? This degree of resentment of someone you don't know and who has done you no harm simply makes no sense to me at all.

What I genuinely don't understand (despite my user name I'm not an HCP) is why health care assistants and volunteers aren't more widely used for situations like this, and the ongoing scandal of patients not being properly fed and hydrated.

Nursing is a skilled profession and paid a solid hourly wage and an extortionate amount from banks (although housing costs mean that some nurses still struggle of course), so of course we can't afford to hire enough nurses to carefully spoon feed all the patients who require it, or sit by their bedsides for 24 hours a day to make sure they don't hurt themselves. So we need plans that make effective use of families, volunteers and entry level HCAs. Allocating volunteers/HCAs/student nurses for 1 hour respite to parents giving 24 hour supervision would seem reasonable for example.

Some people are just very unhappy. This person probably vents on the internet at strangers, but wouldn’t say boo to a goose in real life. Or is having a hard time themselves and it makes them feel better to spew venom on forums. It’s actually quite sad.

@chappysays we are local ish, message me if you need another food run.