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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
IncessantNameChanger · 10/12/2022 14:18

These threads are so frightening. I'd have to phone my sons disability sw to put my other kids into emergency Foster care for a start.

What happens if you get so weak you faint or puke? What would do if you wet yourself waiting for the loo? If they told me off for going for a wee I'd be tempted to piss myself and then sit in it stinking the ward out 😄

Many moons ago I was in overnights with my newborn. They was over stretched but kind. There was a parent kitchen, no patent shower or parent loo. But they said if I was longer in the kids bathroom they didn't know what I was up too ( so very brisk wash they would turn a blind eye too). I understand the shower is about infection control, but going to the hospital canteen? What happens once you get home and then can't stay awake after becoming exhausted?

It's hard to belive they care about welfare at all.

woodhill · 10/12/2022 14:19

FamBae · 10/12/2022 13:53

Oh OP I do feel for you, is she in a cot, can she get out, is she on a ward or in a room alone. I remember many years ago when DS was in hospital and I was on my own, I do remember there was a small kitchenette for mums to make a cuppa and there was always one or two around, if there is maybe one could watch DD for 20 minutes. I remember leaving him to go home and get some clothes as we were rushed in by ambulance, I had to get two trains across London and back and it broke my heart to read on his notes unaccompanied child. We were in for 10 days. OP it is imperative that you look after yourself, you will not help your child if you make yourself ill. Announce to the nursing staff that you are going for food, coffee, to the toilet or to shower, give them a rough idea of how long you will be and then go. Let them scowl all they like they are lucky you are there, if you had more children at home you wouldn't be able to stay. Sending huge hugs OP ..... 30 years later my experience is still so vivid and I remember how surreal it all was and how I felt at the time.

Exactly that, they can't have it all ways

Laiste · 10/12/2022 14:21

chappysays · Yep, had that with DS (7). He was breasted until 3.5 and was in hospital for a few nights age 3.

So where's the 7 year old - with family/friends? Could they not bung you a bag of supplies?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Firstbornunicorn · 10/12/2022 14:22

I’ve had this experience twice this year - and the first time, I WAS breastfeeding…But they were strongly encouraging me to stop. I wasn’t given any food or water, but wasn’t allowed to leave my baby or take her off the ward. Oh, and nobody even asked my name. It was truly awful. I also had to sleep in a hard plastic chair. I’m so angry that this is happening to you, too, OP.

Restlessinthenorth · 10/12/2022 14:23

OP, are there any student nurses on the ward? Most hospitals are absolutely over run with them. They are supernumerary to staffing so should have more capacity to help. Try and collar one of them or ask one of the other staff if there is one around. In my experience they will delight in doing something like this

Barleycat · 10/12/2022 14:24

Pals are likely not available at the weekend. Our pals is Monday - Friday 9-5. You could tweet the hospital though, that tends to get a fast response where i work, especially if you tweet your mp and thr CQC at the same time.

greenhousegal · 10/12/2022 14:25

What was the situation during Covid restrictions anyone? Were parent(s) allowed then?

Anyhow, just curious also as to who is caring for OPs other child I think aged 7. The carer could bring supplies to the hospital along with 7yr old. Anyway, I personally would go to loo etc. when they do obs and get a grub delivery.

Peedoffo · 10/12/2022 14:25

TheYearOfSmallThings · 10/12/2022 14:12

I feel like people who have not been in this situation are failing to understand...the ward staff require you to remain with your child. If you need to go to the bathroom you get an impatient face. If you go off the ward to collect food someone is bringing you, you get the full cat's bum face and raised eyebrows at your abandonment of your child.

I also think people are not understanding that you would effectively be leaving your child alone and unsupervised in a large and somewhat chaotic space in which dozens of adults (staff and visitors) are coming and going freely. From my observation there are genuine risks.

Load of bollocks , the child is in the care of the hospital. The ward is locked so people won't be walking in, you wouldn't expect a relative to care for someone with dementia/brain injury/ LD without being fed for 24 hours a day. The hospital need to stop cost cutting and implement funding for 1:1 close observations. The situation isn't sustainable. OP say you need a break as you are hungry and you need to go for a bit..if they pull their face oh well. I'm a HCP and I wouldn't expect a relative to sit there 24 hours a day, they would burn out very quickly.

LadyKenya · 10/12/2022 14:26

Oh maybe the person looking after the 7 year old could swap places for a while.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:26

RosesAndHellebores · 10/12/2022 14:01

It isn't the responsibility of the hospital to feed the parent but surely it is in their best interests to do so when the parent is providing the basic care for the child which nurses don't have the time to do.

I'd gently suggest they changed the cot design to make it appropriate for mobile babies if they can't keep an eye for five minutes. There was a thread the other day about funding for mandatory new badges noting pronouns. The NHS needs to sort out its priorities.

I'd have been more robust op and wouldhave pointed out that if my care was required for my child then I needed a basic five minutes here or there for the lavatory to provide it. Actually I might have asked for a bed pan and handed it to them to sort out.

I wouldn’t have phoned PALs I'd have phoned the CEO's office to ask if they, a director or one of their secretaries could spare five minutes so I could go to the lavatory and get myself something to eat and drink after four days because the nurses said I couldn't leave the baby and had refused to help.

We all have to stop being grateful for crap care.

NO it’s not the hospital responsibility to feed adult visitors
Hows that even work? Budget for unknown amount of meals for visitors, adding to workload,and increased capacity for the increased dinners
op is an adult who can and should problem solve this and not expect to be fed

rest of your post is just bombastic I’d do this and that hyperbole
The CEO won’t be taking your direct call for you to lambast them

woodhill · 10/12/2022 14:27

So then the hospital need to let OP go and get some food and have a shower etc

LadyKenya · 10/12/2022 14:28

It is a hospital, not a prison. OP is not being held there.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:28

woodhill · 10/12/2022 14:27

So then the hospital need to let OP go and get some food and have a shower etc

No one is stopping her,she not compelled to be there 24-7. She chosing to

LlareggubTripAdviser · 10/12/2022 14:29

LadyKenya · 10/12/2022 14:26

Oh maybe the person looking after the 7 year old could swap places for a while.

That was my thought. No friends or family yet has a seven year old who isn't with her... so perhaps at least 1 friend /family ?

Wetblanket78 · 10/12/2022 14:29

Is there not a parents room where you can make a brew and warm something up in the microwave. Our local hospital isn't the best but even they have one on the children's ward. It's right opposite the playroom as well. So you can supervise them from the parents room with the door open. I used to have a bag packed ready to take to hospital. With PJ's some light clothes with mugshots pot noodles cereal bars anything instant. My DS was in hospital that much. Is there anyone that can bring you some things up and sit with DD for a while? Now he goes on the adult ward the hospital have to provide meals for carer's. On children's ward they would offer toast for breakfast but that was it.

Soreztee · 10/12/2022 14:30

@chappysays you have my sympathy. Staying on a ward with a new born then again at 4 months felt like some sort of initiation. No one tells you anything or sets out any expectations. Yes, the staff are caring for the baby, the child is the priority, I get that but the adult is needed to be there and helping and you can’t do that without sustenance. I was starving, breast feeding, post c section, no sleep, and had to stagger miles to the only canteen. I did this only once and returned to accusations of my baby crying, play workers having to intervene. I was beyond being able to explain or ask for help so just nodded along and starved thereafter until DP was able to get in after work with some food.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:32

In the time op was on mn she could equally have got food delivered
Doesnt the WRVS trolley come round with snacks etc

Peedoffo · 10/12/2022 14:32

OP just say you are going home to have a shower and some food, clean clothes. The hospital will have to sort out the staffing. You have been there for 4 days they are using you as they are short staffed.

jackshitus · 10/12/2022 14:33

LlareggubTripAdviser · 10/12/2022 14:29

That was my thought. No friends or family yet has a seven year old who isn't with her... so perhaps at least 1 friend /family ?

Show quote history

Or maybe it’s an ex partner as it was in my case? He looked after our son but wouldn’t have helped in anyway with a younger child that wasn’t his, or helped me out. It’s awful to speculate on other peoples situations anyway.

Firstbornunicorn · 10/12/2022 14:33

To everyone saying that the OP should just order in: my hospital does not allow this. They also require a parent or guardian to stay with the child during admission. The OP’s hospital might be the same.

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:33

Peedoffo · 10/12/2022 14:32

OP just say you are going home to have a shower and some food, clean clothes. The hospital will have to sort out the staffing. You have been there for 4 days they are using you as they are short staffed.

No
shes not additional staff. There is no sneaky conspiracy to get an additional HCA by stealth. She’s bedside by choice

endofthelinefinally · 10/12/2022 14:33

Years ago there was a mum on here whose child was seriously ill in hospital for weeks. She was in exactly the same situation as you OP. I remember one day she posted that the staff had literally snatched food out of her hands (her child was too ill to eat much and she was just grabbing a few scraps) as it "wasn't for parents".
In the end it was a group of local MNers who visited and took food, sorted out laundry.
I second the suggestion of PALS and I would also contact your local MP. There should also be a "matron" for the department who should help you. Look on the hospital website and see if you can find contact details. Or PALS might be able to tell you.
I am so sorry you are in this situation. It is really shocking.

oakleaffy · 10/12/2022 14:34

chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:22

Yes because she tries to climb up onto her legs and then falls backwards (hitting her head onto the metal bars)

Show quote history

Have they not got any form of padding, or Pram type harness to stop her standing up while you are not there?
It must be so difficult for you!
It must be a common issue for babies to try to stand in the cots.

Hope someone can help mind her for you, or else bring you food...

I remember eating DS's pudding and ditto was told that the food was for him, not me! {He'd just had a general anaesthetic}

But he didn't want it..and I was starving !

namechanger837482947 · 10/12/2022 14:34

I knew you were talking about the L&D. The way that place treats people is an absolute abomination.

I still have nightmares about the things I experienced there.

SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 14:36

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 14:26

NO it’s not the hospital responsibility to feed adult visitors
Hows that even work? Budget for unknown amount of meals for visitors, adding to workload,and increased capacity for the increased dinners
op is an adult who can and should problem solve this and not expect to be fed

rest of your post is just bombastic I’d do this and that hyperbole
The CEO won’t be taking your direct call for you to lambast them

Show quote history

OP isn't asking to be fed. She's just reasonably asking for some opportunity to feed herself, given that her child can't be left safely in their unsuitably designed cots. After all, if she wasn't there the nurses would have had to carry the full responsibility.