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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 20:26

Just how aged is your experience of NHS care, @Zone2NorthLondon? I ask because you seem so keen on cot bumpers as the answer to all problems, yet this is what they NHS has to say about them:

"Avoid using cot bumpers in your baby's cot – they are a hazard for choking, suffocation and strangulation."

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/first-aid-and-safety/safety/baby-and-toddler-safety/

Ackity · 10/12/2022 20:26

The only reason I got fed when I was in with my baby was because I was bf, otherwise I wasn’t allowed to eat! It’s mental. My heart goes out to you

Justisme · 10/12/2022 20:27

Some posters on here are seriously deluded. What is the need to interrogate and put down another mum? What do you get out of it?

op I completely sympathise with you. My 4 month old was hospitalised and was hooked up to loads of wires. Thankfully I had the help of my partner And even when he wasn’t there during the day I would nip in to the toilet /shower when she napped. She wasn’t rolling over/ crawliNg etc.
had she been 10 months like your dd is and if the hospital were refusing to watch her, I could not have done any of it.

not have a shower, popped to the loo bcos I would have been too nervous to leave her and risk her waking up and falling over etc. even with her being ok left on her own I never did leave her, at least not until partner came much later in the evening

so I do feel for you. I’m afraid I’m not nearby but glad others here are helping.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Skodacool · 10/12/2022 20:28

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 16:03

I see posts from staff who work in busy wards stating it’s not up to staff to keep,op fed are dismissed as cruel etc
i am not speaking out of turn and I’m not wrong.A hospital is busy and staff are overwhelmed looking after sick patients. The expectation is that the visitors make adequate provision for their own food,hydration,going to wc
There will be a parent kitchen with basics, op can go make drinks,toast etc

OP is not a visitor she is being obliged to stay with DC every waking second. That’s inhuman. What a far cry from when my DS was in hospital, in 1983, and I was not allowed to stay with him.

Untitledsquatboulder · 10/12/2022 20:31

woodhill · 10/12/2022 20:21

Absolutely

What would happen if OP was unable to stay at all

Show quote history

Then the nurses and support staff would care for her child, albeit she wouldn't get 1:1 attention unless she needed it medically. In the ward we were in the young children who didn'have parents with them (there were a couple) were moved to the bay directly in front of the nurse's station so they were constantly in view. And the play worker spent a lot of time with them.

FTY765 · 10/12/2022 20:33

Ah OP it's crappy.
Can you get a takeaway to the ward? Or is there a trolly that comes around with snacks?

FTY765 · 10/12/2022 20:35

chappysays · 10/12/2022 13:40

Just to update a lovely mumsnetter has messaged me and bringing me some Tesco bits up Flowers

So I guess this was a sort of begging thread GrinBlush but I was desperate and very thankful someone's coming

Ah thats lovely! What a nice person. Hope your dd is better and home soon x

woodhill · 10/12/2022 20:37

@Untitledsquatboulder

Perhaps OP needs to say she has to go out and needs them to take over. It know it is really difficult to be assertive

Vwswimmer1 · 10/12/2022 20:42

I know it's really hard but as a children's nurse it is so busy and difficult at the moment. I'd hope they're not being deliberately difficult and nasty and that they are just busy. I'd have 5-6 patients to look after and just wouldn't have the time to sit with patients.

In addition to this lots of babies are left on their own, for various reasons and are okay... It's obviously heartbreaking to do but sometimes necessary.

Mumtobabyhavoc · 10/12/2022 20:45

I'm so happy that someone is dropping off something for you, but I am shocked at how you've neen treated. When my baby was admitted to nicu at 7 days old I was admitted as well as mum and tray meals were brought to me 3x p/day. Try contacting hospital/patient relations.
I hope your daughter improves soon.

Judgyjudgy · 10/12/2022 20:51

Summersdreaming · 10/12/2022 13:09

Deliveroo or just eat. I ordered takeaway to the hospital many times when dd was in for 3 months. Order from a shop and get a stash of snacks/mini pies/pre pack sandwiches.

Are there other parents on the ward you can tag team with?

I was just about to say this, see if someone else can watch DD while you get some food or else get you food. If you need to go to the loo, just leave DD for a couple of minutes or pee in a cup. Surely you can go when she's sleeping?

GirlOfTudor · 10/12/2022 20:52

I hope your little one is on the mend. I'm shocked they can't just whip you up some toast and a cuppa a couple of times a day.
I've been in my local hospital a couple times overnight with my little one and their policy is to feed 1 parent. The 1st time we were there they kept offering me food even though my husband had brought me food in.

Good luck 🍀

whatswrongwithdh · 10/12/2022 20:53

chappysays · 10/12/2022 17:50

I just asked about cot bumpers. They said they don't use them and they're a SIDS risk

Show quote history

They're a bit behind the times.

Traditional ones could smother or strangle, but there are modern velco sets with smaller bits of fabric that each wrap around one ortwo bars

Okaaaay · 10/12/2022 20:58

Huge sympathy OP and lovely to hear a MN coming to your rescue. I experienced the same last year. Poorly but active baby, left totally in my responsibility, hence no opportunity to pop off ward. We had a private room for part of stay miles from nurses station and honestly, I didn’t feel it was safe to leave him sleeping to get food (despite canteen shutting before he slept anyway). It was ridiculous. He wet the bed a few times and I had sheets thrown at me to change it. It was upsetting, uncaring and unhelpful to a parent who was distressed and had barely slept for 5 days.

Firstbornunicorn · 10/12/2022 20:59

@Zone2NorthLondon you seem to think the OP wants the staff to make her a gourmet meal and feed it to her on a silver spoon. She doesn’t. She just wants someone to watch her baby for a few minutes while she nips out to grab herself something or go to the loo.
If she CAN’T leave the bedside, they should be bringing her food and drink. Otherwise she’ll become a patient herself on a different ward, and then they’ll really be stuck.

AuntieMaggie · 10/12/2022 20:59

I'm so glad someone managed to help you - I'm nowhere near so no good but I was in hospital with my little one last year in a single occupancy room and same as you couldn't leave them despite there being facilities for parents and shops nearby. Thankfully there was an ensuite bathroom so I strapped them into the pushchair to take them in with me (not on a drip) and was able to get DH to drop stuff off even though he wasn't allowed on the ward though I'd practically starved by the time this happened as he had other DC and there's no parking anywhere near the hospital so not as easy as just droppin off.

To those of you criticising the OP, seriously give it a rest. It's bloody hard work having a young one in hospital.

gaf · 10/12/2022 21:01

I’ve worked in a couple of different Trusts and it was disciplinary action if we were caught feeding parents.

I’ve never told a parent they had to stay next to their child’s bedside, but it didn’t mean someone was free to watch them. We would put the cotsides up and attach the monitor to hear them if there was no one available. Currently we’re absolutely overwhelmed with patients (it’s the worst I’ve known it), we barely make minimal safe staffing levels.

I was in with my DS recently and it’s hard, luckily he became well enough we could take him to the shop. People really need to stop suggesting the OP just disconnect the sats monitor and take her baby off the ward, if she’s got breathing difficulties and on a monitor all that time then that’s just dangerous and stupid.

jackshitus · 10/12/2022 21:01

Okaaaay · 10/12/2022 20:58

Huge sympathy OP and lovely to hear a MN coming to your rescue. I experienced the same last year. Poorly but active baby, left totally in my responsibility, hence no opportunity to pop off ward. We had a private room for part of stay miles from nurses station and honestly, I didn’t feel it was safe to leave him sleeping to get food (despite canteen shutting before he slept anyway). It was ridiculous. He wet the bed a few times and I had sheets thrown at me to change it. It was upsetting, uncaring and unhelpful to a parent who was distressed and had barely slept for 5 days.

Same with me - ds was sick everywhere a few times and I got told off for not catching all of it in one of those crappy paper bowls and had sheets chucked at me to change.

It was horrendous.

MissTrip82 · 10/12/2022 21:05

Parents stay in hospital with their child to provide the care they’re usually providing; hospital staff provide the medical care. You’d be furious if your child’s essential medication was delayed because their medical care provider, the nurse, was acting as a child carer for one of their many other patients.

It’s very unusual for a parent to have nobody else at all involved in their life in any way. Most of us have responded to a call for help on social media at one time or another and equally most of us have gone well and truly out of our way to support a friend or family member in hospital even if they are hours away. You will know someone who does help people; many helpful
people help everyone, not just those they know well.

If there is nobody then ask to speak to the hospital social worker for advice about how to manage this. Where I work there are volunteers who can sit with a child whilst their parents attend things like family meetings with medical staff about treatment.

WishIhadacrystalball · 10/12/2022 21:11

chappysays · 10/12/2022 16:48

I've seen the little parents kitchen bit and no there aren't any snacks or toast like you say. So what then? Stop saying that like all Trusts across the UK will have a blanket availability of some food Confused

Thank you to Claire on Mumsnet who came to my rescue today. She has just left. Sat with DD whilst I showered, had some noodles and got me a bag of goodies from Tesco. Even DD got a treat. Not all heroes wear capes, that's for sure

Show quote history

So sorry you have found yourself in this situation op. This is just lovely to read though a real faith in humanity moment. Nice to know there are good people out there who will help rather than judge. Hope your dd is better soon and you can both get home.

janinebutcherer · 10/12/2022 21:12

To those saying the OP has options, I thought I did too when my 5 month old twins were in hospital.

I asked a nurse to keep an eye on them while they were sleeping so I could pop to the hospital shop for some breakfast bits. I came back 5 mins later and buzzed to be let onto the ward…no one answered for 15 mins as they were busy and in that time both twins had woken up and were screaming. No one tended to them.

I got zero help from the nurses, I’d been up 24hrs when they were finally admitted and then they struggled to settle. I wasn’t even given a chair or bed to start with.

The nurses are there in a medical capacity, not for general care. As flawed as that may seem.

Neodymium · 10/12/2022 21:13

is there a social worker at the hospital? If there is you can contact them for help. Childrens hospitals in Australia have them. They specifically provide assistance to parents whose children are in hospitals. They would be able to tell you what supports are available.

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 10/12/2022 21:29

Winterfires · 10/12/2022 17:21

Well done Claire! When I had my first baby I got told off for leaving her to go and have a wee, (we were in for 6 days) luckily I had outside support otherwise I would have just had to piss myself I guess.

You honestly cant bloody win. I got told.off for NOT having a shower when i was on the post natal ward. It was during lockdown and we were in a 4 bed bay on our own. Nurses barely came in and when one asked if id had a shower, and i told her no, She said they could have popped an eye around the door and checked on my DD. No way was i leaving her on her own, not even other Mothers in the bays to keep an eye.

EricNorthmanYesPlease · 10/12/2022 21:39

For anyone saying everyone can find someone to help. Its not always true. It may not be the case for the majority, but for some of us its fact.

I had to move to a new area to start afresh. Its just me and my DD. we attend some playgroups, and whilst we chat to others there we havent swapped numbers and there is no group chat
Im not on social media for various
reasons, and i dont know my neighbours.
My DM is terminally ill and my DF is her full.time carer. They live a few hours away.
So yes id be completely stuck too.

OP i hope your DD gets better soon x

ProserpinaProserpina · 10/12/2022 21:43

So glad you were able to get some supplies and help OP!

I totally understand. I was an inpatient with DD for a week last year. She was 11 months and just walking. She was a chaotic nightmare. We did so many loops of the ward. I wasn’t offered a single meal, despite breastfeeding. I could run off and have a wee or shower luckily as we were in a private room for all but the last night and she could be contained. The nurses actually acted like I was being unreasonable by having my mum come in (DH was at home with our toddler) so I could leave the hospital to get some supplies and fresh air for an hour or so. Despite the fact I had given my consent for DM to talk to doctors/make medical decisions etc. in my absence if needed.