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Original poster

How long am I expected to go without food?

538 replies

chappysays · 10/12/2022 12:39

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back Sad

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand Envy

OP posts:
TimeForMeToF1y · 10/12/2022 19:08

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 10/12/2022 18:49

I've stayed in hospital with my ds since he was a baby multiple times. I never had this problem, why can't you leave her alone at all?
I was always able to go get food in canteen, take a break in the garden, go get some papers/books from shop, no one stopped me going out at all.
Maybe you are misunderstanding something? Why can't she left alone at all?

Gosh, I wonder why the OP in a different situation to you is having a different experience, how could that possibly be?

anyolddinosaur · 10/12/2022 19:10

Glad to hear someone came to help. Hope PALS can do something for you going forward and that your daughter is soon well enough to leave!

girlwhowearsglasses · 10/12/2022 19:12

Sending virtual support OP.

did PALS have any effect out of interest?

I am shocked at your treatment and people’s comments when it’s clearly possible to make your experience much better all round given the example of Addenbrookes - clearly they are doing things right all round and I’d bet their clinical outcomes aren’t separate from their attitude to patients and careers. Good practice and a holistic view of it must surely equal better outcomes.

I was chatting with my DM this afternoon - she had appendicitis aged 4 in 1943ish. Parents not allowed to visit AT ALL - except once a week as it ‘upset’ the children, and someone came round and gave them a sweet once a day. When she was found to have Scarlet Fever (Strep A) she had to be sent home and be quarantined in a room with an antiseptic soaked blanket over the door and her sister had to be sent to her grandparents. All her toys had to be burned.

how far we have come - but still we subject people (women) to inhumane treatment in the name of medicine.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Winterscomingagain · 10/12/2022 19:12

OldPosterNewUsername · 10/12/2022 18:49

It appears there is a wide variation in service provision across the country and also there is a terribnle attitude (in many walks of life now) of I suffered so must you.

These things shouldn't be divisive and instead of trying to keep the OP down - "why didn't you do this or that?" we should be advocating for the same pretrty basic standards for all nationwide.

Similar in fact to the original ideals and idea of the NHS not this piece-by-piece Trust and ICS nightmare.

What an excellent post and how can a mother be expected to look after her child in these circumstances.

Chichz · 10/12/2022 19:13

@Zone2NorthLondon I'm not sure I've ever said this before, but what is wrong with you?!

Chichz · 10/12/2022 19:19

Ah, just caught up and see I'm not the only one asking the same thing 😄

Hope you can get out soon and DD is ok, @chappysays. I was being observed in a closed ward when very unwell after having my son (and abruptly finishing breastfeeding) and only 'ate' because a fellow patient lent me money for the vending machine.

SchoolQuestionnaire · 10/12/2022 19:23

jackshitus · 10/12/2022 15:26

And isn’t it wonderful that there are good people in the world who would help a stranger out.

What a nasty response.

Show quote history

This.

I’m delighted that someone kindly stepped in to support this woman with a sick child who has no one else to ask. Thankfully there are some good people on here.

ancientgran · 10/12/2022 19:33

I sympathise, parents or carers must save nurses lots of work but it doesn't seem to be appreciated. I was a manager in a care home, if one of our residents was in hospital we would send a staff member with them 24 hrs a day. Residents weren't funded for 1 to 1 care so it cost the home but we got very fed up that we had to pay for parking, weren't given even a cup of tea, nurses huffy if our staff needed to leave the ward to use the bathroom or eat. They seemed to think we should send someone 20 miles to cover for them.
In the end we made a complaint and said our residents were entitled to care like anyone else and unless their attitude changed we would leave them to look after their patient. We wouldn't have, it would have been too distressing but we felt we had to draw a line in the sand. Things did improve.

SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 19:34

grapehyacinthisactuallyblue · 10/12/2022 18:49

I've stayed in hospital with my ds since he was a baby multiple times. I never had this problem, why can't you leave her alone at all?
I was always able to go get food in canteen, take a break in the garden, go get some papers/books from shop, no one stopped me going out at all.
Maybe you are misunderstanding something? Why can't she left alone at all?

Well, let me think. OP's baby may be at a different stage from yours, may have a different condition, and may be in a different hospital where different practices and policies apply at a different time. Do you think any of that is at all possible?

SweetSakura · 10/12/2022 19:36

SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 19:34

Well, let me think. OP's baby may be at a different stage from yours, may have a different condition, and may be in a different hospital where different practices and policies apply at a different time. Do you think any of that is at all possible?

Show quote history

Exactly 👏

SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 19:40

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 15:19

this was inevitability going to end in a saviour a mumsnet angel offering food and travelling to deliver it
There was only 1 direction it was going
The op martyred pleading and mn hyped responses made it inevitable

And precisely why does that make you so grumpy?

Gagaandgag · 10/12/2022 19:44

CottonSock · 10/12/2022 17:10

Claire you are an angel . How lovely to help a stranger in this way.
Op , I've been in hospital with sick kids and what you describe is not normal.

Thank you Claire! ❤️

ancientgran · 10/12/2022 19:45

SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 19:34

Well, let me think. OP's baby may be at a different stage from yours, may have a different condition, and may be in a different hospital where different practices and policies apply at a different time. Do you think any of that is at all possible?

Show quote history

Two of my kids were in hospital within a few months, same ward. I was so upset when the second one got admitted to the ward as the previous experience was so bad, Consultant had got some things for me and asked me to follow his instructions as he knew the nurses wouldn't.

So I go to ward with low expectations and they were wonderful. It was hard to figure it was the same place, even with some of the same staff.

So it doesn't even need to be a different hospital etc, it can change in a shift.

Managinggenzoclock · 10/12/2022 19:46

Are you at the L&D?

DarkDarkNight · 10/12/2022 19:51

What? This is awful. Surely they have to have some contingency plan for a parent who is alone with no support? Do they understand you do not have friends or family who can support you?

I would ask to speak to someone in charge because you can’t go on like this. You need to eat, to be able to use the toilet and shower, collect some personal belongings for yourself and your child. It’s worth a complaint to PALS just to highlight the situation as there needs to be a policy in place.

SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 19:53

Zone2NorthLondon · 10/12/2022 16:53

Clearly you disagree with my posts.Fine. However I’m accurate in what I’m saying
You can of course cast aspersions about me, speculate about me & my motives. Feel free
I’m commenting on the inevitable outcome of food being delivered to the op by a mumsnetter.
Lots of posters asserting what they’d do, inc complaining to CEO, Robustly Getting staff told, posters wondering why op isn’t being fed. Posters all Enraged from the comfort of own home, most unaware of the pressure & demands of a busy ward. Put on the radio, look at the news,see the absolute overwhelming demand on services
Op obviously needs to be fed,hydrated to maintain her wellbeing at a stressful time, That includes being able to tell staff she’s stepping aside to eat, have a break. Negotiate stepping away for her wellbeing

Show quote history

The problem with all of that is that other hospitals (e.g. Addenbrooke's) manage reasonable levels of care despite having the same pressures. It does appear that hospitals need to learn from each other.

DarkDarkNight · 10/12/2022 19:54

Just read the update, so glad someone was able to help. I’m glad you have complained though.

BlueMongoose · 10/12/2022 19:57

That is horrific. When I was watiting with my very elderly Mum in A&E at a hospital here in the NW, they not only brought her a sandwich bcause she'd been there a long time and they thought she ought to eat even though she hadn't asked for anything, they brought me one as well, and wouldn't take any payment for it. And we were there for hours, not days. If you are helping the nursing staff, which you are, the very least the hospital should do is provide you with a sandwich. If they can't do that, then the staff should see to it that they make it possible for you to go and get your own food.

SnowlayRoundabout · 10/12/2022 19:59

The ward can get cot bumpers to reduce risk of accidental injury.

I thought cot bumpers were generally banned as a suffocation risk?

Uberstar · 10/12/2022 20:05

The nurses are there to care for your child not you,

they are there to care for the child yes, but when your child is poorly in hospital, it’s the human kindness that sees you through.
my Daughter was unexpectedly diagnosed with renal failure and needed a transplant, I hadn’t slept in days, I hadn’t eaten, I wouldn’t leave her side because she was so unwell, I Will never forget the nurse, who didn’t ask, but just made a a pice of toast, and without saying anything put it next to me and rested her hand on my shoulder before continuing with her busy shift.
still makes me cry thinking about her and how much that meant at such a shitty time.

Billybear1 · 10/12/2022 20:09

ancientgran · 10/12/2022 19:33

I sympathise, parents or carers must save nurses lots of work but it doesn't seem to be appreciated. I was a manager in a care home, if one of our residents was in hospital we would send a staff member with them 24 hrs a day. Residents weren't funded for 1 to 1 care so it cost the home but we got very fed up that we had to pay for parking, weren't given even a cup of tea, nurses huffy if our staff needed to leave the ward to use the bathroom or eat. They seemed to think we should send someone 20 miles to cover for them.
In the end we made a complaint and said our residents were entitled to care like anyone else and unless their attitude changed we would leave them to look after their patient. We wouldn't have, it would have been too distressing but we felt we had to draw a line in the sand. Things did improve.

Since the hospital have taken responsibility for the resident they should provide 1:1 care on the ward if needed. Your employer must tell them this. No need for care home staff to stay. Presuming the resident is not still in A+E. If thats the case your employer should send a second staff member so you can cover each other.

Skodacool · 10/12/2022 20:15

Simonjt · 10/12/2022 13:02

In NHS hospitals they feed patients, not visitors. I used delivery services, as you’re in Bedford there will be lots of options available, most likely also actual groceries if you wanr a bit of fruit etc.

But OP is not a visitor, OP is obliged to stay with her child. It’s ridiculous that no provision is made for her needs.

luckymummy24 · 10/12/2022 20:19

I will be at the L&D Monday afternoon. Please tell me who to ask for and I'll bring supplies.

woodhill · 10/12/2022 20:21

BlueMongoose · 10/12/2022 19:57

That is horrific. When I was watiting with my very elderly Mum in A&E at a hospital here in the NW, they not only brought her a sandwich bcause she'd been there a long time and they thought she ought to eat even though she hadn't asked for anything, they brought me one as well, and wouldn't take any payment for it. And we were there for hours, not days. If you are helping the nursing staff, which you are, the very least the hospital should do is provide you with a sandwich. If they can't do that, then the staff should see to it that they make it possible for you to go and get your own food.

Absolutely

What would happen if OP was unable to stay at all

Mumofthreeandadog · 10/12/2022 20:21

I really feel for you it’s a really difficult position. Might be worth asking the nurses if you can use a portable sats probe and take your daughter with you to the cafe etc. they should have some on the ward or the one she’s attached to may have a portable mode. They may even let you detach for a set period if she’s relatively stable and happy wheezing, post nebuliser. If they have a pushchair you can borrow Pop her and the device in and have a wander off the ward. It sounds hideous.