How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

knock yourselves out tell me I’m a bad un. Pantomime boo when I post
Deflect from asking why can’t op negotiate a break in 4 days?
so someone dropped off food etc,immediate issue resolved. Going forward op needs to negotiate time away for her own wellbeing
ward need to get cot bumpers

regards the volunteers/hospital friends they do go round with trolley. Typing WRVS It’s shorthand for the volunteers

Really lovely of someone to come and help you

I don't think anyone is criticising the staff on the wards. Just explaining that ops experience is not unusual and deserves sympathy!

FFS! I dispair at MN sometimes!

Thank you @claire on MN you truly helped a mum in need and I hope your little one is on the mend OP.

I just asked about cot bumpers. They said they don't use them and they're a SIDS risk

I think people just want you to leave it now 🤷‍♀️

When was the last time you had a hospital stay, just out of interest? And a hospital stay with a sick child especially? All the things you've posted about and are so certain of last happened when I was 4 and I had my tonsils out in 1979. My mum left me for 4 days and went home and only came back when it was visitors hours. Volunteers came round with the snack trolley and newspapers when my great aunt was in hospital in 1983, but things have changed since then.

Cba typing out my experience with my daughter again, but it's upthread. Are you saying I'm lying or that I should have just been firmer and fucked off home for a couple of hours and left my daughter unattended so she could wander around an unsecured ward?

It ain't what you say, it's the way how you say it; you have been coming over as someone I'd cross the road to avoid. I'm not speculating about this: I am stating it.

Did you ever come across the old bit of advice: "Before you speak, stop and ask yourself, first, is it true? Then, is it kind? And last, is it necessary?"

That your remarks about conditions in all hospitals and what is an is not possible in all hospitals may be accurate as far as you know (they have been strongly disputed by others who seem to know what they are talking about and to have experience of the matter) does not outweigh not being nasty and not saying things for which there is no need. Unless you want to come across as a mean-minded git who gets some sort of kick out of being mildly sadistic on line where you can't be punished for it, not being that way on line might be a good plan. Not that I really give a stuff: I'm not your keeper. I just couldn't see why you repeatedly felt the need to put the boot in to someone who was clearly in distress already. Still can't.

This made me tear up. That’s beautiful.
Thank you Claire! You’re awesome. Bless you

Sorry if this has already been suggested but, if you're on a ward, can you join forces with another parent? E.g. one of you watches both children while the other runs down to WH Smith for a couple of meal deals

I don't understand paeds complaining. We have very complex adult patients with brain injury, dementias, we definitely don't expect relatives to do bed watches 4 days in a row, in fact we are lucky if any come. These are fully grown sometimes aggressive adults prone to wandering and confusion , we use things like mats, observations I would always check relatives are ok even if I'm busy. Our staffing is crap as well.

Cot bumpers in a hospital 🤣🤣🤣🤣
Good one
FFS

I'd be going to the desk and saying I have had one meal in x days I need some food and clean clothes I have no friends or family nearby to help me and keep being told I cannot leave the baby for 5 minutes so even going to the loo means someone shouts at me what do you want me to do?

That's lovely!
Well done, Claire.

Op I'm so sorry you're being treated this way in hospital and on here.

*
The expectation is that the visitors make adequate provision for their own food,hydration,going to wc
There will be a parent kitchen with basics, op can go make drinks,toast etc* op isn't a visitor, she's there as her child's carer. It's not the same thing. When eldest was a baby I got fed for pumping his milk, and when he was older I would just tell a nurse I was going a greggs run whilst he napped and someone would just keep an eye on his room. When he was 1 I'd be SENT a student nurse or HCA and told to go and get food, fresh air etc.

We were in four months. What the hell would we have done if I could only leave him after 8 when he slept and then not go very far in case he woke??

I had exactly the same experience in a Childrens hospital in Glasgow 20 years ago. We were in for 10 days and there were always more nurses that patients, so it was NOT over work.

I m sorry to hear that things have not moved on.

for the wonderful Claire MN

What s wonderful and kind thing Claire did.

people always think the worst and I am absolutely sure this wasn’t a begging thread and the op paid and wouldn’t have had it any other way. Hopefully they have both made a friend for life now and the op can one day help claire.

and yes sometimes people are all alone. They don’t have any friends and don’t have good relationships with their families and that’s why kind people like claire matter,

Also yes bug up to Claire for being a superstar ❤️❤️❤️❤️

OP it's worth asking another parent. I'd have possibly been worried about babysitting your child, but I'd have absolutely either done a shop run whilst I slept or made DH bring you something in at visiting time

I had a hospital stay with my son over Covid. So the one parent policy time. Husband was home with the rest of our children and we had no extra help. I was fed because I was breastfeeding but no I couldn't leave him.
He was 9months old but could walk and easily was climbing out the sides of the cot. Pulling his feeding tube and oxygen tubes out of his nose constantly. He barely slept and I was awake with him the whole time. He literally needed constant supervision. Now im wondering what on earth would of happened if i physically couldn't stay!?

Hi there. This is absolutely shocking, but not unknown. When my coeliac mum was first taken in to hospital she would have gone hungry for the first few days if we hadn't taken her food. (We live in the west side of the country). However, do try the hospital chaplain. If he can't help, Google the nearest church. We go to an Evangelical one and if we heard of a case like yours, we'd be crawling over glass to help you. Xx

Wasn’t there a case where a young man died in hospital of dehydration as he couldn’t get any help.

Nothing is provided here (South Coast) though there are a couple of charities who stock up the kitchen with snacks etc. Both led by parents who’ve been in this position.
I was in with my 16 month old son and 8 week old baby 20 odd years ago - was formula feeding so nothing provided. Husband couldn’t get time off (armed forces). The best they could offer was a pram so I could push one child and carry the other down to the cafe.

Well done Claire, so glad mumsnet came through for you OP.
Ridiculous that the hospital can’t even provide you with a sandwich.
Sometimes hospitals have volunteers who might be able to help or even the chaplains office maybe.
I know from waiting all night in A and E with dd that dealing with medical issues on no sleep and no food or drink is incredibly gruelling. Hope you get a chance for some self care soon and that your little one feels better x

To which the nurse politely tels her that no one will be watching her child for her so she will have to leave her unattended, and no cot bumpers as they're a health hazard. Then what? Op goes, gets stuck in a queue, ends up being 45 minutes, come back to find daughter hysterical having fallen over nad banged her head several times and the Nurse In Charge furious? That's your solution?

Do you have to stay there indefinitely? What if you had other children at home that needed to be cared for? The staff would look after your baby. The baby is under their care.

Yes, they are very short staffed but they have to ensure that the ward is covered and do have a minimum number which they cannot go below.

We regard to you eating the food for your baby. It is not a question of you have taken what is not for you. All food is controlled and accurately recorded, it has to be and it has to be very accurate (down the smallest teaspoon or grams). If you or anyone else has had some of the food then they cannot make an accurate recording. They cannot take your word of what your baby has or has not eaten.

As someone else has suggested, can you ask another parent that is there, to watch your baby whilst you quickly arrange something to eat. Most deliveries can be made direct to the ward.