How long am I expected to go without food?

[chappysays]

DD (10 months) has been in hospital for 4 days now

I asked to go for a wee on the first night she came in, the nurse I pulled to the side to ask if someone could watch her said 'I'll be honest, no. We are so busy right now, really short staffed'

So I waited another hour and asked again. The nurse who was administering her meds said okay but she only had a few minutes. I did a quick wee and ran back

Second and third night, nobody to watch her whilst I run to get something to eat. Second night there I ate DD's dinner (she isn't eating much at all right now because of her breathing, and didn't want it).

I got a telling off because apparently they need to monitor what DD eats. I said but I can tell you she wouldn't even have a mouthful. The nurse said 'yes and now you've had the lot, I can't tell what she'd had to put in her notes'

It is now the 4th day here and apart from me sneaking bits and bobs, I've had nothing. I am exhausted, haven't slept much and hungry. I need a change of clothes

Nobody to drop anything down to me. It's just awful

How long can I really be expected to go without? DD is presenting as energetic and happy, it's just her breathing but you wouldn't know to look at her. They call it 'happy wheezing'

So it's even more exhausting because she's acting normally and not like an unwell baby. So you have to constantly be on guard as it's a hard cot with bars and she keeps throwing herself backwards whilst trying to stand

I saw nursing staff reduce one mother to tears for picking up her baby and walking down to the in-hospital shop to get them both something that they would eat, because nobody in the family stomach, the hospitals offerings. It really is utterly unacceptable if they can feed the father following post birth, which they absolutely did on the maternity ward I attended than this doesn’t seem too much to ask for.

LlareggubTripAdviser
You have been given so much advice to get deliveroo or Uber eats to deliver.

A quick look on the app shows about 40 different outlets that will deliver takeaways from McDonald's to Vegan specialties.. along with Sainsbury’s and the CoOp .. all of which can be delivered to your ward /room.

If you had done that in the hour and a half since you started this thread you would have long since of had the problem sorted.. rather than have to get a MNetter to volunteer.

Why didn't you do this ?

Maybe she can't afford to?

Then that is an entirely different issue. !
The OP is complaining that she can't leave her baby to get food. Because of the requirement to remain with her baby. (Right or wrong of the hospital to require this - at the moment it's neither here nor there ) it is what it is and the OP needed advice as to how do deal with it. To which many many posters offered a simple solution all of which were ignored before a kind MN offered.

If lack of money to access food was the issue then the OP should have said so then other posters wouldn't have wasted their time posting 'get a delivery' advice.

It seems that the OP was indeed looking for a free delivery. Which isn't the end of the world. Just say so. Then people know what is needed and can offer help if in the position to provide it.

I think because most people would go and help if they could in this situation, even if just for a playgroup acquaintance or neighbour they only know well enough to wave to. I know I would love to help out any of the randomers on my phone if they were in a similar situ and they reached out to me. That's what is supposed to happen in a society - it doesn't have to be your sister or your best friend!

I had a similar experience when DS was a baby - he had viral meningitis at 7 weeks old, and we were in a side room off the ward. They did feed me because I was breastfeeding but they kept telling me off for cuddling him instead of leaving him in the cot, and I was told off again when he had an accident on my camp bed in the middle of a nappy change. The parent showers were miles away at the top of the building as well. DH was looking after DD at home and couldn’t come in often - oh, and I was told not to use the toilet in the ward because it was for patients only, but the visitor loos were away down a corridor. I did end up telling the nurse that I had to go to the toilet and walking out on one occasion. They just seemed to specialise in making you feel in the wrong.

This.

And certain posters just can't help coming back time after time to put the boot in more.

I'm sure there are people in OPs circle who could help,but she may not have mobile numbers for acquaintances or neighbours.

It may feel like a big ask as hospital parking is expensive and people are busy in the run up to Christmas. I mean if someone asked me I would absolutely do it, but I wouldn't feel comfortable asking someone I didn't know well.

@TooExtraImmatureCheddar I agree. They can be utterly vile and quick to give a telling off. It is unacceptable. I think the eyeroll and cats bum face is a mandatory training module.

I am old now and fairly indomitable. "Did you just roll your eye's at me" "are you speaking to me" needs to be nurtured. I found the "mumming" with the DC particularly reductive. DH came in one night when ds was 4 months and said "are you dad". DH just retorted, "yes, his, not yours" and the chap blushed and apologised. Had I done that to a nurse, I'd have got the look.

OP, I hope your DD improves and you can both leave soon. I’m sorry you’re in this position, and glad you’re getting help.

As a side note, I have been inspired by this thread to prepare a grab bag for my car with drinks, cereal bars and a power bank for my phone for the inevitable day my elderly mum ends up in hospital in the other side of the country from me. I already have an emergency bag with clean underwear, toothbrush, kindle etc ready to go. I know from our experience with DF that hospital staff in her local hospitals are generally kind and well meaning but massively overstretched and someone is needed to be with an elderly and confused patient simply to advocate for them to make sure they get timely basic care.

Agree. Staff on the children's ward are lovely.

I've been in with mine a few times; I was able to escape for walks/food at the food court, though.

Delivery driver's only deliver to A and E at our local hospital. We also have to be there to receive the delivery. When my son was in Manchester children's hospital we had our own cubicle with en suite so loo trips weren't a problem. It was a planned stay Luckily I went prepared with tins of food and pot noodles that could be quickly heated. But all I had to do was press the call button and someone would stay with DS while I went to get something to eat in the parents room. Our local hospital isn't like that on the children's ward unfortunately. If your child needs more care and supervision than average children that know not to go wandering around the hospital trying to leave the ward or even go into the bathrooms filling up a bath or turning showers on getting in fully clothed as my son would have done. If you have nobody to help and your child is needing oxygen and on drips needing to be constantly monitored so can't leave they're bed you're on your own. The only time I can go to the shop or cannteen was if they are up coming with me. I do have family that help but not always possible. If they're on holiday or unwell themself or looking after sick child. Luckily now they're young adults carer's get meals in hospital. It's just whats left after patients have their's. Luckily I'm not a fussy eater.

I've seen the little parents kitchen bit and no there aren't any snacks or toast like you say. So what then? Stop saying that like all Trusts across the UK will have a blanket availability of some food

Thank you to Claire on Mumsnet who came to my rescue today. She has just left. Sat with DD whilst I showered, had some noodles and got me a bag of goodies from Tesco. Even DD got a treat. Not all heroes wear capes, that's for sure

Glad you got help OP😀

Don't let the nurses bully you

Lots of judgy pants on here, must hurt your bits to have such a high pull on them

Thanks to all those with lovely messages and sympathy to what the situation is like

No, not everyone has family support. I am not close to my family, they wouldn't travel miles to help me that's for sure

No local friends. Our other DC is severely disabled

H left me for another woman last year, and would only have DS, not help me any further.

Do you see my dilemma? Doesn't cost anything to just say nothing at all!

Clearly you disagree with my posts.Fine. However I’m accurate in what I’m saying
You can of course cast aspersions about me, speculate about me & my motives. Feel free
I’m commenting on the inevitable outcome of food being delivered to the op by a mumsnetter.
Lots of posters asserting what they’d do, inc complaining to CEO, Robustly Getting staff told, posters wondering why op isn’t being fed. Posters all Enraged from the comfort of own home, most unaware of the pressure & demands of a busy ward. Put on the radio, look at the news,see the absolute overwhelming demand on services
Op obviously needs to be fed,hydrated to maintain her wellbeing at a stressful time, That includes being able to tell staff she’s stepping aside to eat, have a break. Negotiate stepping away for her wellbeing

I understand completely OP.

I really hope you are both home soon.

I'm so glad a kind Mumsnetter came to help you.

At The Christie in Manchester, when I was staying overnight with my mum in the High Dependency Unit, the staff brought me beans on toast. I've never been so grateful for a snack in my life. A biut of thoughtfulness means so much.

I too am a little perplexed by all this.
I often visit Luton & Dunstable hospital as it's my mothers nearest.
There are quite a number of places to eat and by snacks.

OP says she couldn't even go to the shop because it was closed.. but

There's a restaurant
A W H Smiths
A cafe
The Charity run place that does sandwiches etc

All of which are open all day on Saturday.
OP just needed to TELL a nurse she was popping off to get some food and they were now responsible.

Yay! So pleased you got some help OP, and well done Claire. There seem to be a few people who can’t read properly or have limited understanding about the reason you have to be on guard constantly and can’t leave your child.

Good for the OP that someone was able to help her, not everybody would be comfortable with a complete stranger sitting with their child though.

Load of bollocks , the child is in the care of the hospital.

And the hospital does not have 1:1 staff for each child, and they discharge their responsibility by requiring a parent to stay with their child and provide supervision and non-medical care.

And for those saying a ward is a secure environment, it absolutely is not. I work in a hospital and I can tell you staff are coming and going all the time (everyone from the medical director down to an agency temp emptying the waste). Patients are visited by family - sometimes quite a few random relatives, who may wander around. It is nothing like a nursery, where you can predict exactly who will be there.

So if a parent leaves a toddler who will climb out if bed and go looking for them, this poses a risk to the child, which is exactly why staff do not want the parent to leave. I have no idea why people are pretending this is not the case.

Claire you are an angel . How lovely to help a stranger in this way.
Op , I've been in hospital with sick kids and what you describe is not normal.

@chappysays i queried why you haven’t been able to get away to get food,hydration in 4 days. Have you directly notified staff I’m stepping out now ,that you’ll be absent from bedside.
The ward can get cot bumpers to reduce risk of accidental injury.

ok so now you know there is a kitchen buy some noodles etc that you use kettle to prepare them

i get it’s stressful, and your there alone. But there won’t be an expectation you’re bedside 24/7 neglecting your basic needs and wellbeing. You need to advocate for yourself and dd by excusing yourself to get a break and food.

I feel for you. I’ve been in hospital with my kid a few times. I think you need to be very clear with them that you’ve been the x number of days, you don’t have outstanding de support and need x in order to keep being their for your child. There is an amount of emotional blackmail going on but carrying for a sick little one is very very hard, and your needs need to be met in order to keep doing that job. Good luck op.

I can't go anywhere with her awake because the nurses aren't helping me, nobody else is available, and she throws herself back and will keep hitting her head on metal bars

So, how do I go to these places? They all shut in the evening

All those posters saying the OP can't possibly be telling the truth and of course she could leave are naive about the differences in different hospitals. I well remember a stay with my DD in a make shift ward a few years ago - so one toilet for all patients and parents to share, no showers, no kitchen and worse no phone signal so I couldnt call my GP for medical help for myself.
I was breastfeeding but wasn't fed. I was unwell with mastitis but because it wasn't something contagious staff said I had to stay to look after DD (although they found me a camp bed at least). I was told, categorically told, I was not allowed to leave her unattended. I was expected to do all the care, right down to the chart of how much was going in and out of her even though there were lots of staff - they weren't short. There was a strong intimation that they would be reporting me to social services it I left her alone and as a first time mum, an unwell, yes I believed them although in hindsight I see social services would have laughed in their faces.
They were happy to watch her so I could have a 5 min wee, but not for me to leave the ward to get food or a cup of tea - or accept a food delivery. They had no solution to what I should do.
Thankfully unlike the OP, although my DH was away with work I had local family so only had 24 hours of this. DDs uncle worked at the hospital so I Iogged into the wifi to message him and he came to sit with her for an hour.
The faces of the staff when he walked in with his staff badge on and they realised he was the senior complaints manager were priceless.
I had a coffee and breakfast, called the GP and health visitor whilst he stayed with her, and strangely didn't have the same problem again.
OP, so much sympathy and I'm glad a fabulous mumsnetter has helped you.