How did you show yourself up during labour?

[garlicy]

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital

Oh my gosh, this made me HOWL! 🤣🤣🤣👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I had been using the gas and air VERY heavily during labour, to the point that they removed it from me as I was so out of it, and contractions were slowing. Pushed dd out in 30 mins after they removed it. Then they gave it back for me to get stitches and I went at it like i was still in labour. Just remember seeing the midwife's shocked face and her saying no not like that! Oh dear...

High as a kite, thanked her profusely for pulling such a long shift just to see me through, telling her how much I appreciated the long day and obvious overtime she'd spent with me...turned our they'd changed shifts and this was an entirely new person, ooops

Being wheeled into the emergency c-section, telling the surgeon something about wanting to see him naked 😬😩

I pooed. DH still thinks this is hysterical 12 years on. I’d like to see him push a baby out in 9 minutes without any collateral damage.

I'm very old, one of the awful boomers, but back in the day at the start of labour you were given an ennema to clear the bowel, from some of these gruesome stories I assume it's not done now. Must be revolting for the staff to deal with!

With my middle child, I had had a long induction, and by the time I was in the labour room with an incomplete epidural and near constant contractions, I was feeling quite irate at 2 male consultant doctors not listening to my lovely midwife explaining that heart rate wasn't really dropping, as seen one 1 type of monitor, the other type showed it was fine. Yet consultants were saying it's gonna be a crash section. I asked if I would be able to get my epidural fixed so I didn't have to go under GA as I have a fear of GA. They were just like "probably not".

I got so irate that I made my partner and the midwife hoist my 9 month pregnant, completely numb arse up onto all fours and said no I'm having this baby this way. Within 5 minutes I gave birth to him and shat myself in front of all the doctors and nurses who had rushed in to deal with the "dropping heart rate" including one handsome young partner and of course my poor lovely DP. DS was absolutely fine, APGAR score of 10 etc, midwife had been completely right.

surgeon that should say, not partner! they are both handsome so I got mixed up 😅

Oh I have a few.
baby 1- Told the midwife I wanted to go home when I was 9 cm dilated. Said I would carry on at home and to get my bag 😳
baby 3 - had an epidural and my leg fell off the bed !! I had no idea as all numb and insisted the leg wasn’t mine as mine was still in the bed !! Told them I didn’t want a new leg !!
baby 4- waters broke on the floor and I went into cleaning mode and insisted on cleaning it up. I even asked for a sign to warn of slippery floor !!
Dh 6 - after My DS birth the doctor asked did we have a name. We hadn’t decided and told him this. He said his name and we could always call my DC after him. I said tooooo loudly to DH no way would I as it was an awful name 😳 mortified as I thought I was whispering.
no more DC for me

the birthing room was being renovated… no movable light thing. they needed to take blood from ds due to very long labour to check his oxygen levels. High as a kite and knackered, legs in stirrups and I look over my bump to see a doctor with a miner’s helmet with a bloody spot light on looking up my flue with a big needle in her hand…some images never leave you.

Off my face on pethidine. Was adamant Mr Toad from wind in the willows was stood at the end of my bed. Said I was going to punch him in the face as he was stood there looking at me "like a smug twat" 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️ labour did not suit me 😂

This is the best thread ever I have absolutely howled and then got the giggles thinking of my own.

I posted earlier but forgot about when my waters went with DC2 - husband and I had a bit and as soon as we were done, I stood up and they went all over the bedroom floor. My husband was walking around the house full on balking cos he said it was like shiny slime - I imagine watching it as a fly on the wall and it creases me every time.

When I had my DC1 I was in the induction suite. My mum was with us and brought a full buffet - quiche and baguettes with packets ham and cheese - all set out in the communal kitchen. She came back in with it all 10 minutes later cos she thought the woman opposite looked dodgy. Don't know what the fuck she thought a woman in Labour would do with a quiche Lorraine and a French baguette - dodgy or not 😂😂

Mother soon got grabbed by the collar and told not to upset the staff with her worrying cos they have the drugs. She's a big worrier and hates seeing me in pain god love her, so she was always on their tails.

Labour is underrated I had a great time bar the inexplicable pain 😂😂

Some of these are so funny. Think I will career change the midwife’s could write a book I bet

Oh my God my bed is shaking from my laughter. Werewolf 🤣🤣🤣

Shat on dh

This has been spectacular, thank you everyone. My eyes have been streaming with tears of laughter.

I’d been in the shower for the first bit of labour and never managed to put any clothes back on. I was transferred from home to hospital in an ambulance, and when it arrived DP suggested I might like a dressing gown. I wasn’t very keen on the idea and stood outside my front door, completely naked saying to him “no really I’m fine, I’ll just go like this”! In the end they had to force one on me as I tried to get into the ambulance on my own. He also made me wear slipper socks which I wore for the entire labour and I will love him for, for the rest of my days.

😂😂😂😂😂

I didn’t really say anything strange or weird, I’d have never lived it down with DP. However I do recall apologising to the midwife because I stayed of screaming I was swearing, every swear word under the sun. She said that actually it was a relief from listening to screaming all the time.

I had a tug o war with XH over a small plastic bottle the nurse had given me to grip onto after he complained I was hurting his hand. He tried to wrest the bottle from my hand (the nurse was concerned I'd pop it and spray the contents everywhere) and I hung on tight to it and snarled at him. Eventually he offered a replacement (a washcloth, I think) and I gave the bottle up.

Then, the nurse told me I was 'scaring the other ladies' in the other birthing suites with my screaming (more cow-like bellowing tbh) and I told her to fuck off. Poor thing, she was only young😳

It’s difficult for everyone involved, judgemental J

High on diamorphine I was apparently obsessed with there being a fire away in the forest. Nobody (not even me) knew which forest, but I went on about it so much my (now ex) husband requested they give me something to stop me talking 😳

I'm dying at this thread 😂

Mine is not a lot compared to some but I said I needed a poo, and the midwife said I didn't. I insisted so she had to remove all the drips etc and she and my husband helped me off the bed and to the bathroom. I wouldn't let her stay in the bathroom and begged her to shut the door (why I thought I still had any dignity left to preserve I have no idea). She gave me about five seconds and obviously I didn't poo, then they both hauled me back up and on the bed. Within another minute I'd done a poo on the bed. 😂

Screamed at everyone in the room when I felt a "Pop!" and they (ex, midwife, consultant and student) had all burst out laughing. I found out afterwards the "Pop!" had been the suction cap popping off DS' head and flying across the room when I pushed. I genuinely believed DS' head had exploded.

😂😂😂😂😂😂

I told them I didn’t want a baby anymore and that it was going to stay inside me forever.

The anaesthetist who was trying to give mean epidural laughed at me because I was crying and telling she couldn't take my tens machine off (in order to do the epidural).