How did you show yourself up during labour?

[garlicy]

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital

I swore like a sailor then in-between contractions apologies profusely before turning the sir blue again.

When I had my last and her head was out before her body I said "I forgot how easy this is, I'm going to do this again!"

There was three midwives in the room ( due to previous pre eclampsia I was never alone in active labour)

The collective look of horror told me this wasn't a normal thing to say either.

I can't even say I won't see the midwifes again to cringe but they all knew me by sight after 4 kids

With my daughter i remember having 1 midwife and student who never really spoke she went on her break for another midwife to come in. when it came to pushing the nice midwife said she was leaving as my other midwife was back me being high as a kite very loudly said you aint leaving at all i will tell the head midwife you are staying and said to my husband give her all the money in your wallet she aint going anywhere the othet midwife can go. For the nice midwife to deliever my daughter and she never took the wallet 🙈🙊

See that is so funny , why is it during we really think we can shut up shop and go home , maybe the drugs .

When everyone was telling me to push I was exhausted and struggling to stay awake so they kept shaking me when my eyes closed. I burst into tears and sobbed "why won't they leave me alone?" at my DP. They were big ugly sobs of desperation. I don't remember much, but I remember feeling so hopelessly tired towards the end that even the pain couldn't keep me awake. I ended up with everyone in the room taking turns to remind me that they needed me to have the baby but I could sleep soon.

Gave birth when the Super Bowl was on and screamed at the midwife to "fucking tell me the fucking score!" My team weren't even playing 😒

😂😂😂😂😂

Love this thread.

Mine is probably the medics keep trying to cover me up with the paper gown thing, postpartum, while squatting over/bleeding into a cardboard box (on request, I might add!). I gave zero shits about any of it and could not be covered for love or money.

But my all time fave is my friend pretending to her husband that her dangling placental cord thing was a lasso, while standing in her postpartum birthing ~swamp~ pool. She then went to tug on it, as the midwife pretty much launched herself forward screaming ‘Nooooooo!’

I was induced with my oldest daughter, and once finally in established labour, told the midwife to fuck off and refused to be examined. I was very comfortable in the rocking chair

i (allegedly/ie clearly remember-but deny it)told em ds1s dad was the taxi driver-3 1\2 hours into itwasawkward(for him/i was off my face)
when after waters broke/pre 3rd dose painkiller-consultant came consult.he asked me to remove me(clean,fresh,pants).i demanded ds1 daddy go get my dad.

i was on my knees leaning against my headboard when pushing out DC1, midwife behind me - she delivered him kind of between and through my legs so he was in front of me and I just stared at this writhing mass of humanity and said “oh my good, it’s a baby”

not on any drugs just clearly under the wrong impression what the previous 9 months were all about!

Kept asking for my dog to be brought in to the labour ward because 'she's my care bear and I need her!' 😂 DH understood (she literally is my care bear if I'm ill, upset or hurt) but the midwives all looked very confused when I said I'd swap DH for her so there wasn't too many in the room 🤣

This really tickled me

When I was in labour, I wasn't sure if I should go to the hospital yet as my contractions still weren't very long. When I arrived at the hospital, instead of saying I was there for my progress to be assessed, I said "I'm here to check if I'm pregnant". The midwife thought it was funny and said she was pretty sure I was!

Delivery Suite Motto

What happens in the labour room, stays in the labour room

Omg the “pretend I’m blind” one I find incredibly funny but don’t quite know why!

Became convinced I could smell burning and mithered about it for ages (probably a stress-induced thing).

Shouted "I AM FUCKING PUSHING!!!" at a rather sergeant majorish midwife who asked me to push.

Had more waters than they anticipated, so when the young midwife went in with the crochet hook, it cascaded all over her feet and into her shoes.

Pethidine - when it was time to push, I’d pretend I was with some gusto and last minute, wink at the midwife and say ‘I can’t be arsed.’
aaaah

Gave birth (the first time) in a general hospital which didn't believe in pain relief as 'the midwives will help you'. (Not UK)

2 days (shit you not) later,still in labour.I wasn't even offered so much as a paracetemol.I told the midwife I 'knew where she lived' and I 'would make her pay '.In my defense,we had to do an emergency C cos he was a big lad and I kept saying something was wrong. Don't feel bad at all,I was told my labour didn't progress because I was 'lazy'.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Abandoning the bath I’d been sent for and running around the induction suite naked 🙈 Men just popping in there with their partners while I streak through the corridors, flying a postage-stamp-sized towel in front of me, trying to track down the midwife - who didn’t believe I was about to pop and was pretty much just hiding from me!

I felt part-sheepish, part-vindicated walking past one of the couples not long after I’d visually assaulted them with my baby in my arms 😆

This thread is just what I need after a stressful shitty day, I’ve been laughing so much, so thank you OP and others!

I was off my face on pethadine and G&A I remember I kept talking about Oprah and saying “that’s all folks” and went on and on about how lovely the wall colour was! I just kept repeating it all. It must have been so annoying, but my now ex and mum both just laughed so much. With my second I remember telling my mum all about our child’s conception and even she got embarrassed so I must have gone a bit too much into detail 🙈 I remember parts of it so I know it happened but she’s never mentioned it. For this I am so incredibly grateful 😂

With my 1st labour my waters broke for me to shout i had pissed me self then a student saying to me to sit on a wheel chair for me to say i cant as i can feel the head for her to say again sit in the chair for me to scream you fucking sit in it if your that desperate for me to sit down. For the midwife to come over look at me and run me down to labour ward telling me not to push and me screaming in the lift im pushing with some random man in the corner with his eyes closed ond hands on ears whilst im screaming. I felt so bad for him as his misses was waiting to be induced the next morning think i scared him 😂😂

Even though it's no way as bad as the others I find this the funniest 😂

Hahaha this thread is fabulous 😁

I really enjoyed it when I was being rushed up to delivery 20 minutes after a measly half dose of gel doing the full moo, perched like a broomstick across a chair, and my waters went in the lift. Apparently, as calm as you like, I said “Oh. My waters have gone” and then resumed full on shouting fuuuuuuuuck. DH said they were all actually paddling in it

I drew blood from dh's hand when I dug my nails in when in labour with #1.
When I went in to hospital with #2 dh very solumnly brought his big thick gloves out to wear.
I'm not sure who laughed more. Me or the midwives.