How did you show yourself up during labour?

[garlicy]

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital

Have had 6 births in total... First 4 I think I was fairly normal, my 5th I told midwife I had years of my son but only minutes of gas and air so let me enjoy it in peace please.. and my baby man who admittedly I was very ill and emergency c section under a general anaesthesia I came round apparently telling his dad that he'd ruined things because " I would never be on strictly now!" Never watched the program and I dance like a drunk penguin so not sure what bit of my little mind thought I stood a chance anyway

Asked the midwife stitching me up if she was giving an embroidery lesson to the student midwife, I’d only had gas and air goes knows what I’d have been like on anything stronger

When the student Dr enthusiastically told me I didn't need a C-section because I dilated from 4 to 10 in a matter of minutes and was a perfect candidate for forceps so I can could escape the difficult recovery of surgery. Instead of being glad I rolled my eyes and told her I was not having forceps, I had pushed enough and they could just do the C-section. She insisted so eventually I snapped 'fiiiine then, but you'll have to do all the work, I'm not doing any pushing'

She laughed. I did not.

I gave birth to #2 on the floor.

This was because when I'd first arrived I'd had the bed put up high so I could lean on it. When I wanted to lie down, I forgot it could be lowered and thought I couldn't climb up that high.
So I lay on the floor. The very lovely midwife suggested several times I'd be more comfortable on the bed, but I told her I was far more comfortable on the floor.

After #2 had come out, she lowered the bed and suggested I got onto it, and I realised at that point.

Insisted someone found me a radio incase I farted during labour!!!! Just farted. I think i could have had a number 2 but i swear i held it in out of politeness

This is my exact story 🤣
Second time I rocked up with barely any stuff because I was totally convinced the baby would take 6 days to be born like the first one. She appeared 4 hours later.

Happily danced away to the music coming from the club nextdoor-(Leadmill in Sheffield) whilst of my face on gas and air. We lived hundreds of miles away from Sheffield by this point and my husband said there was no music playing!

My tummy hurts from laughing so much at some of these!

About an hour before I delivered, on gas and air and pethidine, I very firmly insisted that "I have had enough, thank you very much, I am not doing this anymore". I somehow thought I had a choice.

I’ve had 5 children and have chuckled so much reading these stories. Thanks for sharing!

Exactly what I was just thinking! 🤣

I lay looking at my toenails which I’d painted specifically for labour so the midwives didn’t have to look at my bare toes and started crying and asking what the point in painting them was when they’d already started to chip 🙄

According to DP I was quite hilarious and I remember the midwife saying I was funny and she would have stayed to deliver baby should her shift have finished later (she finished at 8am and baby was born closer to 11) because I was a good laugh. God only knows what I was saying to her..

On the table having a c section. I shouted stop. They stopped as in they hadn’t started cutting yet and I said ‘I’ve changed my mind, I don’t want a baby anymore. I just want a puppy 😂🤷‍♀️‘. The surgeon said ‘It’s a bit late to decide this now’ and I said ‘Just let me go home now, no one will know it will be fine. I can just go and buy a puppy’ at which point I remember the surgeon saying ‘Ok it’s not a puppy, this is your daughter’ as she was put into my arms 😂

I was an induction that went on for several days followed by an emergency c section by that point I was convinced my baby was going to switched at birth and was rabbiting onto dp about how we had to keep our eyes on her at all times and trust no one he then panicked thinking I had passed out when they were cutting me open but I had actually just fallen asleep

I hugged the midwife after the diamorphine kicked in. Marvellous stuff!

Also during my emergency caesarean I was completely obsessed with asking the time. Everything had all gone wrong quite quicky over the space of a few hours, and it ended in quite an urgent caesarean as the baby was in distress. I was totally freaking out, and at some point they had told me the surgery would last about an hour, so I latched onto this fact and just kept repeating "anyone can do anything for an hour" in my head, and kept getting time checks. At the time it made complete sense. With hindsight I must have looked like some sort of time obsessed nutter, husband holding my beautiful newborn baby next to me after a bit of an urgent delivery, and me just constantly asking what the time was every five minutes!

Not technically in labour, but second time round I had an elective caesarean but was also a complete wreck and just sobbed hysterically as they walked me down to theatre. The worst thing was they were doing some building work so we had to walk through the foyer past the cafe and everything, and everyone was desperately trying not to meet the eye of the pregnant sobbing woman in the hospital gown.

This is the best and worst thing I've ever read. Had to put my phone down and cover my face in shock 😂

With my first the head was starting to crown. I panicked and declared that I wanted an epidural. The midwives laughed and said no, that the baby would be here soon etc. I started screaming like a 3 year old "but I said PLEEEEEASE!!!"

First I wouldn't use the lift( I'm terrified of them) up to the maternity ward despite being in full labour, I crawled up the several flights of stairs. Then proceeded to swear like a drunken sailor during the pushing stage.

@flipflop00 I've just choked on a piece of orange laughing at yours 😄

With DC1 the midwife said told me to reach down and touch the baby's head as it was emerging, I reached down and said "oh wow it's got loads of a hair" and the midwife said "er no love, that's your pubes"

DC3 was born quickly after two very long labours with 1&2 I don't think I registered he was out and I refused to stop using the gas and air for a bit. I could vaguely hear DH and the midwife talking and said "If you don't mind, I'm having a bloody baby"
DH said, "you've done it, it's a boy" and I did a kind of scooby doo double take and burst into tears.

Got to be the best I ever heard!!!🤣🤣

First labour was 36 hours before ending in an emergency section. I had auditory hallucinations and was convinced Loose Women was on the (non existent) TV and then complained 'and now I've got I'm In The Mood For Dancing in my head and it's pissing me off because I'm really not'. Told the midwife not to have any children because it really hurts. Told dh I felt like a traffic warden (no idea where that came from). Screamed at dh to stop fucking touching me when he tried to rub my back. Demanded that the anaesthetist 'give me the fucking gas and air' when I had a contraction while he was putting in the epidural. And the worst one, before they took me to theatre, I was crawling around the floor on all fours and the midwife kept trying to convince me to get on the bed. I kept telling her I didn't want to and that I needed to be on the floor. In the end, I looked at dh and said, in a very loud stage whisper, 'will you tell her to fuck off, I am not getting on that fucking bed'. I am not usually so sweary

I had an enormous baby and she got a bit stuck at the crowning stage. I was pushing and pushing and just decided I couldn't do it anymore. Grabbed DH and shouted "YOU'LL HAVE TO FIND ANOTHER SOLUTION!!!" like he was fucking McGyver and could possibly discover a secret passage. 😳

During my section after they’d finally got the spinal in after 3 attempts:

Anaesthetist: “Spinal has worked, you’re cooked and ready to go.”
Me: (so relieved they got it in and suddenly feeling high as a kite) “Then put me in the oven baby!!”
Anaesthetist: 🥴

@IAmSoProudOf
that would’ve been an anaesthetist 😇

I love this!