How did you show yourself up during labour?

[garlicy]

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital

Just after giving me pethidine, the midwife told me it might make the baby drowsy. I panicked and I swear somehow, I held him in! I was terrified I was going to have a baby that was off his tits! Ended up having an emergency c-section and I do always wonder if it's possible I caused that to happen!

Was always told “ you can’t poo while your pushing” well I bloody did and I didn’t even care 🤣

Yes. We didn't 'show ourselves up' horrible phrase.

I was told I was having a boy at my 20 week scan. My DH and I had chosen names, Lucy and Daniel long before the scan.
Drugged up to the eyeballs when DC arrived "Welcome to world little Lucy" exclaims my DH
I told him he cannot be cruel and name our son Lucy (The fact DS was actually DD didn't register) and got incredibly angry threatening to change his name to Gertrude and chop his bits off 🤦‍♀️

I screamed and screamed both times.
I got told off a lot.
They constantly told me to be quiet and push but it was agony.
The head midwife came in to see what all of the fuss was about.

In my defence I didn’t have pain relief and it was like fucking torture. Ended up with severe pelvic floor damage.

I could curl up into a ball and die at the thought of doing it again but I find myself pregnant so looks like I have 0 choice.

Oh these are hilarious. I have many mortifying moments but the best was I was told (mid labour) that ‘You need to open your legs if you are going to have this baby ’ 😂

I started complaining about how embarrassed I was that Trump was the president and how fortis it made me that his face was plastered all over the TVs in the waiting room. I still cringe everyone I think about the fact that I brought that up. Although my canadian midwives thought it was quite funny and egged me on even more. Whatever their political leanings they didn’t seem offended at least. 😅

pissed off*

My waters refused to break( #3).so the sack was bulging out. Every nurse that came near with scissors to pop it l threatened to kick ( this was 14 hours in )
Eventually they got a handsome male Asian doctor who talked me through it.
He popped my sack and my beautiful daughter was born with a woosh ! Also l did a little poo apparently 😳

I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t want scissors anywhere near me down there…

I was birthing stood up and holding on to the side of the birthing pool (but not in the pool), and then I shat on the floor, and my doula didn’t realise and trod in it. I remember bearing down and feeling slightly embarrassed that she was in the corner of the room washing my shit off her flip flop at the sink.

I told the doctor who was stitching me up that he'd better make a good job of it because I have PG degree in embroidery.

I was also loopy but in my case just plain gas and air - so after about giving birth to my twins, I leaned to my husband and said...erm... what are we waiting for now?
We were of course waiting for me to deliver the placenta - which was of course explained to me several times times by then . (Ps never came :( had to be removed eeek after no tearing with the twins oh how unfair :( surgeon tore everything

Can I also just say, who doesn't fall in love with their anaesthesiologist?! The person has the drugs for god's sake! 😹

Apparently I was yelling & screaming at the team calling them a bunch of effing c*nts and that I wasn't going to push, no way, forget it, you better make it stop. Demanding entonox, a very irate medic appeared with the 3rd tank probably to shut me up, yelling I'd used up 2 tanks already blah blah plus I'd had pethedine. (How many tanks are 'normal')? I threw my mask at my mil & said I was going for a dance & could she hold my handbag? An aquaintance also in labour at the same time said she could hear me cursing & bellowing & it scared her & all the other mum's shitless.

No.1 high as a kite on pethadine and kept asking about soup. Apparently there was soup in the corner of the room. All 4hrs of the stupidly short and brutal labour going on about soup when not passing out between contractions.

2nd time I didn't do pethadine I wanted more clarity !

Refused to hand over the gas and air when the MW wanted me to push baby out without it. I got a bit stroppy about it 🤣🫣

On the gas and air.
Dh “Just take it all in”
Me, raising drug addled eyes at him,
”That’s what got me in this fucking situation in the first place!”
Apparently the midwives were desperately trying to stop sniggering 😀

Child no.1 - 18 hours and only reached 3 cm. It was a bank holiday and the consultant with all his team came in and said "don't worry it doesn't hurt!" .I screamed loudly ' is that a man's opinion?" I have never seen Dr's move from a room so fast.
Later that day I demanded consultant called as I was getting no where and lovely midwife said I was likely to get a c section. Consultant said no and to carryon. I screamed that I was not sitting struggling anymore for my kid to end up half dead in special care so get the baby out now!! Dr was not impressed !
Child 2 - planned section but became emergency as went into labour early. Whilst waiting for a theatre slot the dr said ' I don't believe you are in proper labour ' , I dared him to come near me and I would demonstrate the pain to him. I lodged a complaint and a lovely consultant arranged my c section
Child 3 - calm planned c section during last blizzard of winter 2005.
Child 4 - planned c section , I was calm and it was the anaesthetist that panicked as apparently the epidural failed. She kept asking if I was OK and I just said it was a bit more painful than my previous sections. The consultant suddenly shouted ' everyone stop ! Step away from the table!' .
Everyone stopped and the trainee Dr's looked worried, I just said top up the drugs and let's get going!! 😂 When they delivered dry son he pissed all over the sterile zone like a fountain!

I've posted about this before. My first labour was horrific, it was very very badly managed and I was absolutely off my head on drugs after a 76 hour agonising labour where nothing actually happened. The obstetrician came in to decide whether or not I was going to have a section and I thought it was his birthday and started shouting "here comes the birthday boy" and singing a rousing rendition of "happy birthday" while flailing my arms and encouraging everybody else to join in too. I remember doing it but also thinking what the fuck are you doing 😆. He was very professional and smiled and said nothing but I carried on singing and shouting while he dragged DD out with a ventouse and forceps. DD is 24 now and the memory of that still makes me cringe!

Fortunately labour No 2 some 13 years later was a much better drug free and peaceful experience!

When high on gas and air, and fully dilated, I told the midwife that it was like being at a party. She must’ve wondered what the fuck kind of parties I went to…

Only had one birth which was meant to be a home birth and I got through so much gas and air that my ex DH had to go to hospital for more supplies.The midwife asked whether it was helping and I think that I said that I didn't know.Having read the other replies I feel rather cheated as it really didn't seem to have any effect on me and I certainly wasn't spaced out.I was told how quiet I was during labour at home but that changed in hospital after my DD was born using forceps and I was being stitched up and the nurse/midwife warned me that things would be much worse if I didn't shut up.

I said to the midwife sorry I haven’t shaved. Then when being stitched up by male surgeons ‘ gosh what an awful job you’ve got’

Delivered in the hospital I work in (as a neonatal midwife) thought I’d handled the anaesthetist asking questions about my role quite professionally, was only afterwards that OH told me that I’d smacked my lips between every sentence and randomly shouted that I was off my tits on gas and air…

Most embarrassing part was being taken to the ward after DD's birth and mentioning to the nurse that I snored.She then went back to the other nurses and said in a loud voice so that everyone nearby would hear that I would need a room on my own as I snored and the were several ladies there who had had c sections and would need their sleep.