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Original poster

How did you show yourself up during labour?

488 replies

garlicy · 25/11/2022 19:34

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Blush Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital Grin

OP posts:
Livpool · 26/11/2022 12:16

I was off my face on diamorphine and told the midwife (who I was convinced was flirting with DH) "you can him he has been fucking useless" (he had been very good)!

When I was being wheeled to theatre for EMCS told DH that if I died to watch the night sky and I would be there - I was delirious after 29 hours of labour and rather dramatic

Livpool · 26/11/2022 12:28

Blessedbethefruitz · 26/11/2022 08:44

Is there that much difference between pethidine and diamorphine? I had the latter and certainly wasn't high. I think a lot of my pain was panic, so once I had the injection, everything just felt nice and dunky dory, with much more reasonable pains. I just chilled and listened to music for a few hours until the birth then.

I was on a high after the birth though after I'd finally gotten some gas and air. I had a bad 2nd degree tear and several people checked to see if I had torn through my bum. They asked me to clench to check with their fingers up there, and were very surprised at my bum clenching abilities. I proudly told them "I have had diarrhoea for 6 weeks now you know" very proudly 😅

Isn't pethidine synthesised? I have no idea really.

I had diamorphine during Labour and had no idea it was heroin. At my 6 week check I asked the GP if I could be prescribed some because it was great. And that was when I found out it was heroin - the GO said no ha 😂

BooksAreSaferThanPeople · 26/11/2022 13:49

Not me but my Mum had me when she was very young. Her Mum left when she was a baby and so she was raised by her Dad and was hopelessly naive about the whole process (this was a long time ago). She turned up to hospital on her due date (with no signs of labour) being under the impression that she would have her baby there and then.

I turned up about a week later.

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RoseAndGeranium · 26/11/2022 14:35

GettingStuffed · 26/11/2022 11:05

In baby no 1 I kept telling the staff that when an elephant gives birth all the other elephants stand around her to protect them.

nothing on no 2

no 3 after being threatened with c section baby decided to make a move, my waters broke all over reception.

Is that true about the elephants? Cute if so.

GettingStuffed · 26/11/2022 17:43

It is, and by the way my baby was 9lb 7oz so the midwife said no wonder I'd been going on about elephants

L1ttledrummergirl · 26/11/2022 17:44

Mine aren't particularly embarrassing. I phoned the hospital with ds1 after having irregular contractions for half an hour, the midwife was rather cross at my insistence on going in straight away saying she had to call in the on call midwife as they already had a lady in labour (very small hospital).

I walked through the door very much supported by dh and midwife as I could barely stand. Midwife got me on the bed, sent dh to the car for my bag and said she would check me over. Dh walked in as midwife was giving up on gloves. Ds1 was born 5 mins after I walked through the door, the on call midwife arrived shortly after and was sent home saying services not needed.

wishuponastar1988 · 26/11/2022 17:45

These stories are so funny Grin

I remember screaming that my bum hole was falling off GrinGrinGrin

RachaelBUk1 · 26/11/2022 18:03

I had GDiabetes and sugar was low during labour with DS, baby no. 6 so was pretty speedy from 0 - 10 cm , midwife hands me a packet of digestives to eat 🤣🤣🤣 threw them at her and said get me some morphine in a voice that sounded other wordly ......she came to see me later i apologised lol

JillBob · 26/11/2022 18:05

Nothing I did but I remember being in the pool thinking ‘what was the point of this? It still hurts like a b*stard’ and the midwife asks to take a look to see how dilated I was. She pops out the biggest torch I’ve ever seen. Looked like she was going pot holing. Still makes me laugh to this day.

bloodynamechangethe3rd · 26/11/2022 18:14

I was off my rocker on gas and air, like deep into being out of my tree completely and utterly passed semi sane and started telling highly highly inappropriate jokes, like ones I would NEVER think were remotely funny, ones I’d heard people say that had made me cringe with distaste were the height of hilarity for me. The midwife not so much.
cringe about it every time I think of it.

Vole3 · 26/11/2022 18:16

Having delivered I turned to the midwife and said ‘well, that was a piece of piss. Do you want me to tell the screamer next door to get a shift on?’
I blame the entonox……..

pigaletta · 26/11/2022 18:18

Took my first go of gas and air and said ‘ooh I didn’t expect it to have a taste’

Midwife gave me a look and I realised it was just my own breath (and first feeling of intoxication in more than 9 months!)

AutumnTreacle · 26/11/2022 18:21

I don’t think women should ever be embarras about what happens during labour and birth (student midwife here) but oh Lord do we (DH and I) laugh at the way I had to get out of the birthing pool to give a urine sample as they were worried I was getting dehydrated and things weren’t moving along and the midwife escorted me to the loo off the hallway and said ‘I’ll just wait out here shall I?’ And I just giggled and said NAHHH It’s all good, you’ve seen me pretty much naked, we’re practically family now, come on in! whilst off my nut on entonox. 😂😂

TedLassosMoustache · 26/11/2022 18:24

I had two midwives doing a bit of a ‘good cop bad cop’ thing with me. I asked the bad cop one where she was from and she said Germany and I said ‘no wonder you’re mean.’
I thought I was being funny as opposed to severely racist, the drugs had messed with my sense of humour I think, I would NEVER normally say or even think something like that. But as soon as the baby was out she left and refused to come back.

I spent the next 3 days in hospital making my husband keep checking my notes in case they’d recorded that I was a disgusting racist and called social services!

MITCHELL33 · 26/11/2022 18:26

I had swallowed my gold crown ( scoffing a sausage roll) I asked them to look for it.

Afonavon · 26/11/2022 18:26

I striped off and was completely naked howling. During transition I wedged myself under the bed (still naked) with the gas and air tube, refused to move and insisted that I was dying.

I yelled really loudly throughout labour, TENS, entonox and pethedine not really touching the sides.

I had a ventouse and a bastard massive tear.

Pelvic floor damaged severely.

Dahliasandtea · 26/11/2022 18:28

I stared open mouthed at the male midwife when he was introduced to me like he had two heads… and asked if he was called a midhusband? When he laughed and said no not really, I said ‘well what do I call you?’ He answered ‘Hakim’. For a second I thought that was a new medical staff term for a male husband and I just laughed.

and the after my first contraction (in the hospital… I apologized to Hakim. When he added me what for I said ‘because you said you were really busy tonight and I can’t hear anyone and I’m screaming… am I just the loud one’ he laughed and said ‘the rooms are soundproofed.

and then I had a particularly painful contraction and when it was over I opened my eyes ans screamed in his face as he lent in and checked I was ok.

Michellelovesizzy · 26/11/2022 18:31

Took off all my clothes….. not sure y can’t blame being off my face on painkillers had none.

ThistleTits · 26/11/2022 18:39

fairgame84 · 25/11/2022 20:03

I don't think I got enough pethidine judging by these. I feel robbed.

Nor did I. Asked for the gas and air too, the midwife refused stating "it will knock you off your head". Isn't that the reason to have it lol?

catinboots123 · 26/11/2022 18:40

It was my birthday and I felt the need to tell every single person I encountered that fact - followed by bursting into tears

Unmarriedhousewife · 26/11/2022 18:47

Baby came quickly and I had to deliver on a full assessment unit with just a curtain separating me from the other mothers. I kept shouting about needing a poo, then shouted that I must have pooed because I could smell it and that they were all lying to me when they repeatedly said I hadn't. Oh the shame when they opened the curtain to wheel me out.

Mouscadoo · 26/11/2022 18:49

I was induced so was on a ward with other women in pre labour. About 8 hours into my induction, i was advised to walk around bit. I had brought my partners massive 2.5 litre plastic water bottle with me into hospital.

Went to get off the bed and accidentally knocked the water bottle with my foot. It ended up breaking and covered nearly half the floor. I then got off the bed to try and help if i could, took a few steps and my waters broke and gushed all over the floor along with the water I had just spilled from the bottle!

shellyleppard · 26/11/2022 18:49

I freaked out completely when they started shaving me delicate area in case of emergency c section 😳😳

Brandymakesmerandy · 26/11/2022 18:50

I puked on the midwife then 5 minutes after she changed her clothes I puked on her again 🤣
She was proper retching as she tried to say it doesn't matter 🤣

WorkerBee83 · 26/11/2022 18:56

I farted in the consultant and midwife’s faces as they were try to check on my daughters oxygen levels. I was that high on drugs I thought they wouldn’t notice 😬