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Original poster

How did you show yourself up during labour?

488 replies

garlicy · 25/11/2022 19:34

I was off my head on pethidine and obsessed with the fire alarm going off Blush Every time a new member of staff appeared, I would ask if them what would happen if the fire alarm went off, including the surgeon who eventually did my section.

I know to this day that I am known as the Fire Alarm Lady in that hospital Grin

OP posts:
Angelil · 26/11/2022 20:22

Literally none of this ever happened to me in my first labour and TBH it just makes me more adamant that I don’t want drugs for the second labour either if I can possibly avoid it. Just can’t imagine not being ‘present’ and having control over my own behaviour. It really doesn’t appeal.

Squellyolwelly · 26/11/2022 20:23

When the mw was checking how dilated I was after 50 odd hours of being awake, vomiting etc, and an epidural to give me some rest, I asked if the baby had hair. We hadn’t been able to see in the 3D scan a few weeks earlier because he was hiding and wouldn’t turn. The mw had to ‘check how dilated I was’ again to let me know he had some hair 😂

also during c sec (same Labour) I felt like I was laying on the bed at an angle with my feet higher than my head so I kept asking the surgeons why I was upside down..

Angelil · 26/11/2022 20:26

…this thread is pretty funny though 😂

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
Wiluli · 26/11/2022 20:35

My first Labour 20 years ago I was in active Labour 30 hours at that stage I was exhausted and anxious and ho estou loosing it so I said to everyone invite room I need 5 minutes please I don’t what anyone to touch me , everyone was great then In comes a consultant who refused to give me room , she tried to do internal examination so I kicked her so hard she landed in the back of the room , she screamed me “ you can’t do that “ and I replied “ I just did , you needn’t know no means no “ . She left the room and waited until I called her .

oystercatcher5 · 26/11/2022 20:49

I had an orgasm.

Never said that out loud before but there you
have it.

Conky1975 · 26/11/2022 21:07

on double dose of pethidine, bit my husband, called all the staff c**ts and accused them of refusing me an epidural (even though they could see the head) Then refused to push and got off the bed to leave the hospital.

in fairness this was triggered by the disgusted look on the student doctor’s face when I pooed.

In post birth bliss while leaving the delivery room and going to the ward, a midwife came over and said ‘well done - didn’t think we’d get there’. I had no idea who she was and asked her. She said ‘yes, I was one of the 7 midwives called in to hold you down and persuade you to stay and push’

I still feel terrible about turning into a complete monster but 100% blame pethidine. I was a dream during my first labour (gas, air and the wonderful epidural)

Harls1969 · 26/11/2022 21:12

Not during labour but just after I'd been stitched up (it was one of those beds where they whip the bottom half away so they can get closer to your bunny) I needed a wee. I'd had an epidural so the midwife said 'Just go, it's fine, it's a wet room too and we'll just mop it up.' So I did, only it was probably the biggest piss anyone has ever done. It felt like gallons. It took her ages to mop it all up

BettyBoops · 26/11/2022 21:16

DC1 had been an EmCS after failure to progress, so when I got to the hospital with dc2 and my contractions were around 1 minute apart I was elated. Midwife examined me and told me I was actually only 1cm dilated I yelled at her to "get me a fucking epidural right now"!
After having every drug available, midwife told DP that I was getting dehydrated an to make sure I drank plenty, his interpretation of that was 'force feed Betty a pint of water in one go'
I vomited everywhere, screamed at him to get out then cried as the lovely mw cleaned me up and washed my hair.
Another mw told me I need to stop pushing as I was still only around 2cms- my body had completely taken over at that point and I had no control - she got a mouthful from me 😳
By the time anesthetist came in to (finally!) give me an epidural, I was flinging myself around (think Disney princess throwing themselves onto the bed when crying sort of thing) at every contraction, anesthetist awkwardly asked DP "erm can you get her to stop doing that please"
There was probably more as I was as high as a kite from all the drugs 😬
Didn't get past 4cms and had another EmCS, was so exhausted that I slept through the whole thing 😂

Pgs007 · 26/11/2022 21:23

My 1st daughter, I was 18, scared shitless and thought I was dying, told everyone who came in whilst high on gas and air that I was and then pushed once, waterfall, shit myself and out she came 🤣
2nd took me 3 days to get from 2cm to 4cm, very uncomfortable but waters hadn't broken so sent home, went back in when pain got worse, ended up having her on my eldest daughters bday after lots of gas and air, screaming at the midwife when she tried to take it away and then projectiled over myself and the floor, twice 🙈 barely remember pushing before she eventually came 😬 very high BP and gas and air and a seizure after, bad combo, I'm sure the afterbirth happened but I have no clue how or when after lol

WickedSerious · 26/11/2022 21:27

Passed out and threw up the first time,told the midwife to 'piss off' and nearly strangled my partner the second time.

PepperZaddy · 26/11/2022 21:30

Had a very long, traumatic birth through induction/pre-eclampsia. As a result I was dosed to the eyeballs, off my tits, and for some reason had really bad wind.

After birth, my poor, long suffering consultant, was just checking me for any tears. As such he was rather up close and personal. So he's prodding around, making sure it's nout too bad... when I ripped the biggest, longest fart, point blank in this poor man's mush.

Pre covid. No masks for even a kind of barrier between my bowels and his face. And before anyone says, I'd had an epidural and had no control whatsoever.

TulipTuesday · 26/11/2022 21:36

With my first and off my tits on gas and air ‘A whole new world’ came on the radio. I screamed out ‘I love this song! My best friend and me sing it all the time!’ (We don’t btw, fuck knows where that came from) and proceeded to sing along at the top of my voice while the midwife was trying to get me to concentrate.

With my second I thought I’d pooed, so whispered to the midwife ‘did I poo then?’ She said I hadn’t but I then decided to tell everyone else in the room (DH, my mum and a student midwife ‘she says I haven’t pooed but she’s lying!’

amispeakingintongues · 26/11/2022 21:53

had no pain relief until 10cm when i was finally handed Gas and air and told the midwife it felt just like smoking a fat joint

then shat so much in the birthing pool it was 50% poo 50% water

convinced i was going to die after 30 mins of active pushing

before baby arrived in one huge contraction head and body! Then screamed “why does anyone do that twice!!??”

ludders01 · 26/11/2022 21:59

@Maybepossibly22 🤣🤣🤣 I am crying with laughter

Tomorrowillbeachicken · 26/11/2022 22:03

I screamed at the poor male doctor that tried to emphasise with me about the pain. I pointed out that he had no clue as he had a Penis.
I growled like a dog during labour
i was then so high after my son was born I asked if he was mine (like they keep a spare one).

ludders01 · 26/11/2022 22:03

@Cocolapew 🤣🤣

ThisIsNotThePostYourLookingFor · 26/11/2022 22:14

I swore to the midwife that if she gave me better pain relief I would never go near a penis again😳 was back in the same situation a few years later

Waytoofar · 26/11/2022 22:16

Hip thrusts helped my back labour while I was on all fours. DH had to keep telling me to stop humping the bed.

Also tried to push baby’s head back in because I wasn’t ready yet. I was crowning.

Kept calling the midwife Victoria and Elizabeth. Her name was neither of those. It was Amy.

Atovell · 26/11/2022 22:29

i asked my midwife if my vagina looked like a sugar puff when I was pushing. She ignored but my partner laughed alot

Bloodyhelldog · 26/11/2022 22:44

Amazing thread.

There was some small fuss when my daughter was born so I didn't see her until post-clean up. When they handed her to me I looked at everyone in confusion and said "I don't think this one's mine, mine is going to be ginger" and tried to give her back.

Also, they explained to me that I'd been discharged but she hadn't. I asked the midwife if she'd call me when I needed to come get her 🤦

MickeyMouseShithouse · 26/11/2022 22:50

My first c-section had to be planned because my placenta was failing. So naturally I wasn’t sure what was going to happen or how it all went down.

I was, also naturally - very nervous, so much so that I had the nervous shits.. just regular bouts of diahorrea at the hospital while waiting my turn. All I kept thinking while shitting in the toilet was “thank god it’s not a vaginal birth as I don’t want anyone seeing the state of my arse right now”

Then, before my turn.. the anaesthesiologist came in and gave me the run(s) down about what will happen.. including how they delightfully pop a painkilling pessary up my already fragile bottom after the section is done.

I’ve never felt so mortified in my life. 😂

merryhouse · 26/11/2022 22:53

Not RTFT.

I was pretty out of it in my first but I'm fairly sure some solids passed.

In my second I remembered this and said to the midwife "I'll probably poo" - so my abiding memory is of her fingers up my backside attempting to prevent this.

Lord knows why. Surely it would have been easier to let it happen and clean up afterwards? I can only assume she thought I was mortified by the Very Idea, whereas I was simply attempting to prosaically warn her...

RoseAndGeranium · 26/11/2022 23:09

merryhouse · 26/11/2022 22:53

Not RTFT.

I was pretty out of it in my first but I'm fairly sure some solids passed.

In my second I remembered this and said to the midwife "I'll probably poo" - so my abiding memory is of her fingers up my backside attempting to prevent this.

Lord knows why. Surely it would have been easier to let it happen and clean up afterwards? I can only assume she thought I was mortified by the Very Idea, whereas I was simply attempting to prosaically warn her...

Oh my god! Did she ask if you consented to that?! I’m so grateful to my first midwife for silently cleaning up my many small poos. Surely it happens to almost everyone during a vaginal delivery?

dylansss · 26/11/2022 23:15

Not really a show ourselves up story but a nice labour story nevertheless

Some 20 years ago I was living abroad working as an English teacher and I had the contract for teaching the doctors, nurses etc for the local health service. Meanwhiile my wife was expecting our first child.

I accompanied my wife on one of her regular scans at the local hospital and we were sitting in the waiting room only to hear "Hello Dylans" from behind us. It was one of my students who was working as a midwife at the hospital. She was a very accomplished woman who had been a midwife for 30 years and who already spoke, French German and Russian and was learning English to help her career.. I introduced her to my wife and then she turned to me and said, "If I am on duty when you wife goes into labour, I wil deliver your baby"

Sure enough the day came and we arrived at the local hospital only to be met by my student who promptly delivered our baby son then, before leaving the room, she turned to me and said "see you in class on monday"

The following day I arrived at school and sure enough she was sitting at the front of the class witha big smile on her face. I presented her with a big bunch of flowers to thank her for delivering my baby son, who has since grown up into a lovely young man who has just graduated university

Then they all opened their books and we turned back to grammar and vocabulary

Hopevoyager · 26/11/2022 23:23

I was hooked up to a monitor and off my face on entonox while having an epidural put in. I screamed obscenities at the anaesthetic and shouted for him to have some respect and be quite- I could hear my baby's heartbeat and in my mind the beat was because the anaesthetist was a dj and mixing dance athems on my back. Poor guy.