Desperate for help- awful neighbours

[Constantlyonedge]

Hi, I’m looking for some advice please!

We bought our first house (1930s mid terraced) in the summer.

The neighbours on the side that share our bedroom and lounge wall are horrendous. They shout, scream, swear and fight and throw things at the walls at all times of day and night and it’s got me on edge in my own home and I get palpitations every time it happens - especially when it startles me awake in the early hours. It’s really stressing me out and making me feel like I hate the house when in reality it’s not the house I hate it’s the situation they are putting me in. What would you do if this was you? I just want to be able to relax and enjoy our first home that we’ve bought but it’s so impossible as each time it’s quiet I’m just on edge and tense waiting for another eruption of chaos. They are middle-aged couple if that matters at all and they are nice enough when we see them (say hi how are you etc) but they are clearly having problems and are so toxic for one another and I’m hoping they just separate or divorce so we don’t have to put up with the woman screaming about killing herself. We feel too awkward/worried to knock on and speak to them about this but it’s making my life miserable.

It just doesn’t feel like home to me and I’m just hating it.

We are a young couple- late 20s/ 30s and proud we’d managed to buy somewhere in a London borough given the current situations and we really wanted to love it for what it is - a first home and a step onto the property ladder (it’s only a little 2 up 2 down) and we’d planned to stay around 3/4 years to see it go up in value, maybe add an extension in that time and then move on to bigger things - and we would also

like to start having children at some point in the next few years but I just cannot even entertain that idea at the moment with how stressed it makes me and how ill it’s actually made me and the affect on my health, well being and also work life because I’m just exhausted- and that simply cannot happen if I was to be pregnant, I wouldn’t take that risk on my body and an unborn child.

I guess my question is what would you do in this situation?
I really just want to get the house on the market and just move but DP has said we just cannot afford to do that because that would create another lot of solicitor fees and stamp duty.

Im quite confused about how to figure it all out in terms of finances - so if for example we could sell our house for (just throwing a random figure) £20k more than what we bought it for and then we’d also have our deposit back, right? And then hopefully be able to port mortgage. Could you, if possible, help me figure out if that is correct and it could be made possible to move? So grateful for any advice.

Thank you so much in advance 🙏🏻

I would phone the police every single time and report sounds of someone being attacked/domestic violence happening. You can say perhaps a burglar has broken in and is attacking them. Maybe after a couple of police visits they might stop.

Cracking idea 🙄

Have you actually spoken to them about it?

I know several people with neighbours like this. They variously try to ignore it by playing background music/TV. Bang on the wall. Go round and speak to them. Call the police about a domestic disturbance. Keep notes and go to the council for noise abatement.

Most of these work for a short while, some ruin your relationship with neighbours. There is no easy out, your new neighbours could be just as bad 😬

The mortgage.
If your house has gone up in value you'll get your deposit back plus the increase plus anything you've managed to pay off.

So if you bought 400k for 360k and its now 420k you'll have 60k cash.

Some mortgages can be ported, others you'll have to pay off and get a new one. You may have an early redemption fee.

Do they own their house? If they do, I agree with you that the best thing to do is move. If they rent, you have more hope as you can perhaps approach the landlord.

Be thoughtful before making anything official as you would then have to declare it when selling.

report and wear good headphones, listen to happy music when it’s screaming time.

I agree about calling the police each time. I really thought you were going to say they were very young - it's horrendous to think of people that age fighting and screaming.

I think calling the police is a good suggestion.

They will realise that people can hear them and will keep reporting this as a possible domestic violence incident until they tone it down...

Agree if you have any chance of wanting to sell soon do not report to council or please as you then have to declare it to other buyers. Might make you really stuck

Police

Calling to report domestic abuse is good advice. Making up some story about a burglar is just bizarre and unnecessary though. At best, you'll just get a stern talking to.

I would report it as a domestic disturbance the next time it happens. May help, may not. But it sounds like something is going on. I've done this once and it did sort it.

Another time we had neighbours who were SO LOUD in the middle of the night. It wasn't a fight, just very loud. I spoke to them, they were mortified. It stopped.

In fact, I've had issues about neighbour noise many times (hence now detached) and I can't remember a time when it hasn't resolved by either calling 999 or speaking to them calmly the next day.

I have neighbours like this, sorry to say I've just kind of got used to it though I've been here a few years now. I play white noise when I sleep and turn my music up when they start kicking off in the day. I can't bring myself to even look at them anymore when I see them, they disgust me. Best of luck to you.

Call the police.

Report a domestic disturbance.

Keep calling every time.

If you make an official report you’ll have to declare it when you come to sell.

Be careful about getting into a dispute with them as you will have to declare this when you decide to sell.

Why are grown adults fighting and screaming at all hours of the day? Unbelievable. It must be awful for you. I agree with others. Report it every time it happens.

Most people don’t have screaming matches without afterwards thinking how embarrassing it would be if anyone heard them. They would feel mortified if a neighbour approached them about the noise and would do all they can to prevent it happening again.

To continually carry on shows a complete disregard for those living around them.

Do when they are ‘nice and friendly’ when you meet, they are anything but.

I would be direct and say, ‘Are you ok, it sounds like WW3 kicking off! If it happens again, we will have to call the police.’

If that isn’t met with embarrassed apologies and then an effort to be peaceful neighbours then you do have to be firm and call the police saying you fear for their safety as it all sounds terribly aggressive and violent.

Do means So

Thank you all so very much for your responses, I’m really very grateful. I wanted to report them to the council and the council have given me a form to fill in over a 3 week period but now I’m worried to fill that in if it will then make it difficult for us to sell the house? I didn’t know that anything like that has to then be declared to the next owners 🥴 - so thank you for making me aware! I’ll have to contact the council and retract my diary entries in that case as I absolutely don’t want to make it difficult to sell. It’s all so frustrating because I really want to love the house and appreciate how lucky we are to have been able to buy - most of our friends around our ages are still living at home or house sharing so we know we are lucky to be in this position and I don’t want to be ungrateful of that but it really is so difficult to appreciate it at the moment and on top of that I’ve had pneumonia recently and been very unwell the last 4/5 weeks and I really need rest and good sleep to get back to 100% so with that plus it making my anxiety shoot through the roof - especially when I’m startled awake at 3am it’s just awful 😞 to PPs saying play music - we do do that in the day or turn up the tv but not always possible as WFH sometimes and we play white noise at night time so I can fall asleep but it really shouldn’t be like this. I want to approach them but don’t really know what to actually say as I don’t want to antagonise them further.

day and evenings that should be **

999 to the police every time there's a fight, screaming, threats of suicide, breaking items etc.

You never know if you'll save a live.

Please, always report domestic abuse.

Don’t bother with the council - it’s all on you to prove and jump through hoops, plus you have to declare it when you move.

call the police and report a domestic disturbance every time. Do it anonymously and you don’t need to declare anything. If they are that loud it could be any of the surrounding neighbours or even a passer by reporting them. Do it every time. If they speak to you deny calling the police but mention you can hear them and did wonder if it’s a cause for concern.

no one wants the police round all the time so they will likely be mortified and STFU. Hopefully 1 visit will be enough.

If (big if) it’s resolved then you declare when you sell but you can state that it’s resolved and “no further issues after X date”. I’ve had to declare on both properties I’ve sold, and there was no issue with it or comeback later.

In the meantime… I would still go through the council process; it’s worked for me before to shut neighbours up permanently. Arrange your furniture so bed is on the far side from the bad neighbour wall, and line the bad wall with wardrobes. You can also get soundproofing plasterboard but it eats into the size of the room and the noise comes through the joists and chimney breasts anyway. Consider changing your bedroom entirely even if you end up in the smaller one and feel the big one gets wasted.

Earplugs, white noise, Rescue Remedy, yoga, anything you can to try to ease the “they’re shouting again” anxiety.

I wouldn’t sell because what if it takes every penny and the new house has shitty neighbours too? Then you’re really screwed.

If you have already contacted the council you will have to declare. You can't retract the complaint - well you could, but it would still be notifiable on sale.

Are you sure the value of the house would have gone up from the summer? The market is very different now. But it's a bit of a moot point anyway, as if you sell for £20k more, to buy an equivalent house will also be £20k more, no you are no better off. Though such a quick sale after purchase will likely ring alarm bells for buyers so could make yours a harder sell even if you try and hide the reports about the noise.

But that aside, you will have removal costs again, at approx whatever you paid before, solicitors fees will be getting on for double what you paid for just buying if you are buying and selling. And stamp duty will be 5% of the value over £250k. And then any mortgage fees if you can't port without charge.