Desperate for help- awful neighbours

[Constantlyonedge]

Hi, I’m looking for some advice please!

We bought our first house (1930s mid terraced) in the summer.

The neighbours on the side that share our bedroom and lounge wall are horrendous. They shout, scream, swear and fight and throw things at the walls at all times of day and night and it’s got me on edge in my own home and I get palpitations every time it happens - especially when it startles me awake in the early hours. It’s really stressing me out and making me feel like I hate the house when in reality it’s not the house I hate it’s the situation they are putting me in. What would you do if this was you? I just want to be able to relax and enjoy our first home that we’ve bought but it’s so impossible as each time it’s quiet I’m just on edge and tense waiting for another eruption of chaos. They are middle-aged couple if that matters at all and they are nice enough when we see them (say hi how are you etc) but they are clearly having problems and are so toxic for one another and I’m hoping they just separate or divorce so we don’t have to put up with the woman screaming about killing herself. We feel too awkward/worried to knock on and speak to them about this but it’s making my life miserable.

It just doesn’t feel like home to me and I’m just hating it.

We are a young couple- late 20s/ 30s and proud we’d managed to buy somewhere in a London borough given the current situations and we really wanted to love it for what it is - a first home and a step onto the property ladder (it’s only a little 2 up 2 down) and we’d planned to stay around 3/4 years to see it go up in value, maybe add an extension in that time and then move on to bigger things - and we would also

like to start having children at some point in the next few years but I just cannot even entertain that idea at the moment with how stressed it makes me and how ill it’s actually made me and the affect on my health, well being and also work life because I’m just exhausted- and that simply cannot happen if I was to be pregnant, I wouldn’t take that risk on my body and an unborn child.

I guess my question is what would you do in this situation?
I really just want to get the house on the market and just move but DP has said we just cannot afford to do that because that would create another lot of solicitor fees and stamp duty.

Im quite confused about how to figure it all out in terms of finances - so if for example we could sell our house for (just throwing a random figure) £20k more than what we bought it for and then we’d also have our deposit back, right? And then hopefully be able to port mortgage. Could you, if possible, help me figure out if that is correct and it could be made possible to move? So grateful for any advice.

Thank you so much in advance 🙏🏻

The next time they kick off knock on their door, even better if it's the middle of the night
I had this once with a neighbour, loud arguments almost every other night, my eldest was staying with me and him and I knocked at about 2-30 on a Thursday morning, both in our pj's and dressing gowns, literally banged several times on the door, which in turn woke up other neighbours who came out to see what was going on and we told them whilst we were waiting for them to come up for air from the horrendous row they were having
It all stopped after that
They were embarrassed by their behaviour

This^ you ring the police anonymously. If there's things breaking and they're screaming could be any of your neighbours made the call if you'rein a terrace. You need to declare neighbour disputes as far as I'm aware but if you're ringing because you're concerned about domestic violence then that's different and shouldn't need to be declared. Ring every time they start screaming, if nothing else it'll disrupt them and at best maybe something is very unsafe there and you'll help.

We had this in our first home
Shouting, screaming and the language!! They were I their late 40s early 50s and we were mid 20s
After 12 months we had just about had enough and one evening we were trying to watch t.v but were struggling to hear over their racket my dh went round and banged on the door and told them.to keep the noise down, quite forcefully it must be said, and it worked, didn't hear much from them and they did ignore us when we saw them but no skin off of our nose, worth it for the peace.

Really grateful to hear from so many of you and how you’ve navigated and managed the situations you’ve found yourself in! I really don’t want to jeopardise the future sale of our house so I’ll try to steer clear of completing and retuning the council forms and take onboard the advice of anonymously contacting the police.

DP and I are also going to knock on their door over the weekend together and speak with them. Fingers crossed that they calm down after that 🤞🏻

We were in this situation, tolerated it for a year. We called Environmental health and the police multiple times. The bloke used to throw his girlfriend across the room-they were in the flat above us, converted house. Lots of drugs involved, I heard. Ultimately, the next door neighbour who’d lived there forever sold up. We told the estate agent everything and sold to someone who did not care. It was a blessed relief. It really pissed us off, it was our first bought flat.

It will probably not change their behaviour, but I would seriously try having words then if it continues, I would actually call the cops, maybe slide the woman the number for Womens’ aid, she might be badly in need of support/a way out.

It’s just dreadful isn’t it! I’m glad that DH going round rectified it for you. And much like you’ve said if they ignore us afterwards it will be absolutely no skin off our nose, we just want, and are entitled, to live in peace in our own home!

Absolutely!
Like.you, I dreaded going home from.work some days and this was our first home that we'd worked hard for and was being ruined by these 2 ignorant sods
Obviously,you have to take.in to consideration who you're dealing with, but sometimes your anger just pushes you over the edge.
I wouldn't wish it on anyone, good luck and hopefully things calm.down soon for you💐

Glad you're going round with your DP. Presume your partner is a man? If not, please bring a man, just in case you get sexist crap and threats thrown at you.

(and yes it saddens me to write that but bullies are just that)

You do seem very timid. I don't know if it's a good idea to go round as then if it doesn't work and you next try calling the police (which I think is a good option) they will know it is you. Good luck with it all. It sounds ghastly.

I hope it's sorted before you go on the market and have viewings....

But please do call the police each and every time the screaming and shouting starts. Never ignore domestic abuse. I hope they don't have pets, they would be terrified

I know you probably don't want to hear this but if you've emailed the council or called and I imagine you must have for them to send diary sheets it's already logged and you must declare. Best recourse now is to continue logging the noise and chasing them. Use their complaints procedure if they don't respond within the times etc. I did all this and ended up at mediation with my neighbour. It didn't resolve the noise completelt but it did improve and meant when I sold I could declare and say resolved as of x date post mediation.

Be careful reporting. They may well be absolute crazies who don’t care if the police turn up and then turn on you and make your life a living hell (been there, done that, got the T-shirt etc).

One of the difficulties you might encounter is that when you sell a property now you have to declare on a form any trouble you have had with the neighbours. If you report the situation to council or police there will be a record of the problems and you will have to come clean on the form, which will make selling difficult. Sorry to throw in a downer.

Get someone to soundproof the connecting walls. I stay in a flat where we used to hear absolutely everything that was happening at upstairs flat to the point where it felt like we were living in the same house. Soundproofing the ceilings massively helped with the noise and improved the quality of life a lot.

This is a great idea but unfortunately the two (main) walls in question we had newly plastered and painted when we moved in which was costly enough we can’t get it sound proofed and then redone at the moment - hindsight is great though as we’d have done this first and then decorated but we just weren’t to know we had neighbours like this!

I once had noisy shouting neighbours. I don’t think they realised how loud they were so my daughter and I had a fake shouting argument one evening after next door had gone quiet. Fortunately it pretty much did the trick.

Thankfully they have no pets that we are aware of and no DCs living with them (not sure they have any anyway) it’s just the 2 of them and to be honest it’s the women we hear most as she’s so shrill with her screaming and shouting and swearing. I’m more inclined to think she attacks her husband than the other way around.

Woman *

This is genius! Bet they felt very silly and embarrassed.

The council said it would all be anonymous if I did want to continue and actually make an official complaint etc so I don’t know if that makes any difference. When we bought the house we didn’t see any correspondence to/from the council of the previous owners declaring anything. Not really sure how it works- just hoping after we talk with the neighbours they settle down.

Glad to hear likely no pets or DC.

I wonder if the woman has mental problems? Some mental illnesses can cause the behaviour you describe. But I fear it's more likely domestic abuse both ways. He might not be a shouter but not all domestic abuse is loud.

Keep it short when you speak to them and don’t say anything that sounds like a question and you are asking them.

You are telling them that the noise is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

You are not concerned with their problems and just want to live normally.

Knock knock.

Your husband - Hello. We are here to tell you that we are no longer tolerating the noise from the screaming rows you are having all the time as it is disturbing us, especially at night.

If it happens again we will be calling the police and will do so each and every time.

You - We thought it might be a temporary problem you were having but it’s gone on too long now to be an acceptable way to live.

Both of you then turn around and leave.

This is great, thank you! Very much to the point and very clear without being rude or abrupt. Thank you. It’s been really helpful to get so much advice this evening x

@Constantlyonedge

We had this in 2020. It was horrible. We moved in the house in May.

It was back on the market by November. We sold the same day to a buyer who didn't care and we moved again in February 2021.

The house sold for £5k more. Which surprisingly paid for our fees and we broke even...

The buyers mortgage asked why we were selling so soon. We just said "it isn't working out" and they were fine.

It was such a horrible experience that it left me with long term anxiety and medication. One week was so bad I needed valium to calm down as I was in a permanent state of panic.

It got to the point where each morning I'd wake up and cry that at the thought of another day in that house.

Shuddering at the memories. But you can sell up and go. Just do it xx