Desperate for help- awful neighbours

[Constantlyonedge]

Hi, I’m looking for some advice please!

We bought our first house (1930s mid terraced) in the summer.

The neighbours on the side that share our bedroom and lounge wall are horrendous. They shout, scream, swear and fight and throw things at the walls at all times of day and night and it’s got me on edge in my own home and I get palpitations every time it happens - especially when it startles me awake in the early hours. It’s really stressing me out and making me feel like I hate the house when in reality it’s not the house I hate it’s the situation they are putting me in. What would you do if this was you? I just want to be able to relax and enjoy our first home that we’ve bought but it’s so impossible as each time it’s quiet I’m just on edge and tense waiting for another eruption of chaos. They are middle-aged couple if that matters at all and they are nice enough when we see them (say hi how are you etc) but they are clearly having problems and are so toxic for one another and I’m hoping they just separate or divorce so we don’t have to put up with the woman screaming about killing herself. We feel too awkward/worried to knock on and speak to them about this but it’s making my life miserable.

It just doesn’t feel like home to me and I’m just hating it.

We are a young couple- late 20s/ 30s and proud we’d managed to buy somewhere in a London borough given the current situations and we really wanted to love it for what it is - a first home and a step onto the property ladder (it’s only a little 2 up 2 down) and we’d planned to stay around 3/4 years to see it go up in value, maybe add an extension in that time and then move on to bigger things - and we would also

like to start having children at some point in the next few years but I just cannot even entertain that idea at the moment with how stressed it makes me and how ill it’s actually made me and the affect on my health, well being and also work life because I’m just exhausted- and that simply cannot happen if I was to be pregnant, I wouldn’t take that risk on my body and an unborn child.

I guess my question is what would you do in this situation?
I really just want to get the house on the market and just move but DP has said we just cannot afford to do that because that would create another lot of solicitor fees and stamp duty.

Im quite confused about how to figure it all out in terms of finances - so if for example we could sell our house for (just throwing a random figure) £20k more than what we bought it for and then we’d also have our deposit back, right? And then hopefully be able to port mortgage. Could you, if possible, help me figure out if that is correct and it could be made possible to move? So grateful for any advice.

Thank you so much in advance 🙏🏻

Thank you those saying to call the police - I had also wondered about that but not wanted to waste police time but considering she’s always screeching about killing herself I suppose the police wouldn’t see that as me wasting their time and they might actually act on it and visit them.

just on a tangent - how do you find out if there have been previous problems with neighbours or things like murders/suicides or burglaries in the neighbourhood? I had tried and tried to find out before we went through with the sale but the internet was bringing back nothing and the solicitor/estate agents never mentioned anything to us. I’m wondering if I’m able to sue somewhere?

This is what I was just about to type - I’m sure if the police are called it gets recorded and then if you sell you have to declare if there has been any neighbourly disputes

You can only sue if you can prove that there was an official dispute that wasn’t declared. Or (I think) if in your Conveyancing questions to the sellers you explicitly asked “Have there been noise issues with the neighbours at X address?” – but I’m not sure on the latter! And how do you prove an official dispute was undeclared?

You can find out crime stats for your neighbourhood quite easily but that’s not something you can sue over as that information is available freely before you buy, onus is on you to search for it.

When they shout, they shout. It’s a small house so we can hear them absolutely anywhere word-for-word unfortunately but these are good options if you have a bigger space/house I suppose! Thank you x

I feel so sorry for you - my sister has the same its driven her to take medication - these neighbours of hers are young with a baby - but they scream and shout at one another all the time - i feel for the child!

yeah we did all that with crime stats - dp grew up here and his family live round here so we know what we need to know in that respect but this couple have to have been going on with this way before we bought the property and I explicitly (although verbally) asked both estate agent showing us the first time and then the previous owners the second time what both neighbours where like etc and they didn’t mention this at all so they have definitely misled us if the neighbours have just always been like this 😞

So sad when little ones are involved. Big sympathy to your sister, I definitely feel her pain x

Hi, thank you for your reply!

nothing is official with the council yet - they are rubbish to be honest and have only sent me the diary sheets to fill in so I don’t think anything is official so to speak!

I know! They are mid 50s I would say. It’s really awful and embarrassing for any age group but I must say I did not expect this from them when we first met them. It’s like they close the door and enter another universe 😵‍💫

It doesn't need to be official - the TA6 form regarding disputes and complaints is fairly broad in its terminology.

You will have received the same form on purchase, but if your seller had never made a complaint/contacted anyone about the noise, then they could fairly legitimately say they never found it an issue as it never bothered them.

Detached is the dream! I want to live in a cottage/farm house far away from any neighbours!!

when you reported and then came to selling was that logged and caused a set back or any issues with the sale? Just concerned by what other posters are saying about it possibly making the sale of the house tricky :(

OP have you actually talked to your neighbours and asked them to keep the noise down?

My first course of action would be to speak to the wife and tell her bluntly that you can hear all of their screaming and rowing nonsense. If there is no improvement, I would then call the police.

No I haven’t. I mentioned I haven’t because I’m worried that will antagonise them and I just wouldn’t know what to say. I hate confrontation and so their kind of behaviour is unlike anything I’ve ever known before. I’m a quiet and keep to myself, mind my own business kind of person so this is really out of my comfort zone. They are also much older than us and so who knows how they’d react.

I think you need to at least write them a note before you can involve the council or the cops. Woman up!

Have you spoken to any of the other neighbours about them? If you are mid terrace, is there someone on the other side of them?

If you do talk to them you must appear confident and strong.

The pair of them know exactly what a nuisance they are to other and have nothing but contempt for you and the other neighbours. Do not be afraid of upsetting them and do not apologise for speaking to them about it.

If the see you are weak willed they will be nasty to you.

Bullies, which in a way they both are, will usually back down if you stand up to them.

No we haven’t but the other side has more space between if that makes sense? Basically we share a wall with their lounge and their bedroom - the other neighbours only share the staircase which creates a space between them and then the stairs and then the wall etc - that’s the sort of lay out of the houses so the other side may well hear them but certainly not to the extent we do. Hope that makes sense! Bit tricky to explain but they basically have more breathing room from these neighbours than we do!

Thank you! That is really good advice. I don’t want to knock on whilst they are in the midst of their screaming matches but perhaps a good idea one morning to pop by and see who answers and have a word with them. I’ll try to get the courage to do that before I really get to the end of my tether with being here!

I think once into your thirties stop classifying yourselves as young, time to act as adults, as at this stage your age is irrelevant. So deal with it as adults now.

Exactly. As an adult, we often don't have the luxury of avoiding confrontation. It's something you simply have to face and deal with.

I had the same experience OP when we got married and moved into our first place - lovely house in our perfect place, and old stone house and we thought the walls would be thick, but no, they weren't - the couple next door (early fifties) started drinking every night at about 7pm and playing loud music (Lionel Richie at top volume) over and over until about 10pm when the arguing and screaming started and went on and off all night. This was every single night. They both worked and had their own businesses and appeared to be a normal couple outside the house.
It wrecked us putting up with this. I was getting ill myself with it and I was already dealing with nursing someone with cancer. My husband became out of work and it was a nightmare listening to this every night and sometimes in weekend afternoons with no escape.
They owned their house and had been there 25 years and clearly would not be leaving, so we sold up and left. Since then, we decided that no matter what sacrifices we made, we wouldn't share walls with anyone ever again. It has been a massive sacrifice as we have lived in isolated freezing houses, unmodernised cottages etc - anything without neighbours,

I wouldn't complain to the council and risk your chances of selling. I would put the house on the market now. Some couples have that toxic mode of interaction - my grandparents used to do the same thing. They won't change.

Can you not just say "hi guys just to let you know we can hear everything in our house" to them?

Or at least try.

"Really appreciate it if you could get your arguments out before a reasonably bedtime"

I would actually send your husband round. Men are usually less intimidated.

Please phone the police.