Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Half siblings with the same name

341 replies

Jasparconcorde · 22/11/2022 23:55

Ex husband and I are both expecting new babies due within weeks of each other.
We have ds10 and ds6 together.
We are both having girls and he ‘informed’ me he will be using a name that he knows holds great sentimental meaning to me. It was our number 1 girl name if our sons had been girls, and has been very personal to me throughout my life. It took me aback and hurt me a lot he would use a name he knew full well I would be using for my daughter. When we found out we were expecting a girl, several weeks before he found out his babies gender, he said ‘I presume you’ll use the name X’? I said yes. His reason for wanting to use it is because his wife likes it and has no knowledge of it’s value to me, supposedly.
Now I know nobody owns a name and he’s entitled to name his child whatever he choses, but out of all the names he couldn’t just pick a similar/variant of the name? Use it as a middle name!?
Despite the upset, I’ve come here to ask how difficult this will be for my sons if they have siblings on both sides with the same names.
Im expecting it to be confusing with a lot of X at dads, X at home etc. Has this happened to anyone here who could advise further please? I won’t be budging on the name regardless. Their baby is likely to be born first therefore putting me in a position of seeming to ‘copy’ out of spite.
my husband has reassured me it’s fine and isn’t my problem, but I worry over my sons views on it and if I should speak to them before the babies are born.

OP posts:
Brefugee · 23/11/2022 09:30

I don’t speak to his wife as she chooses not to.

I would keep it that way, and in future only communicate the absolute basic info your ex needs in respect of your DS and nothing about your life whatever.

And for now? I'd put the name out there, gently, speak about the bump with the name (my thinking? this is now a baby and deserves a name) without any huge fanfare (but also on SM if you like)

Try not to give them a second thought and enjoy the time now until your baby has arrived.

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 23/11/2022 09:30

Very casually mention to his partner that you’re surprised he’s chosen that name, considering it was the name of his childhood sweetheart - the one you always felt he’d never got over….👀

mam0918 · 23/11/2022 09:31

For cousin it would be fine, for devorced childless couple fine but siblings of your children it is wierd.

Whats the name and the specialness?

If it was after your mother who died when you where little and you have dreamed of honoring her since and they just like the sound etc... hes being and ass but if its just say Olivia (super common popular name) because you like it and had a dolly called then your both being silly.

A devorced couple I know had this argument and the hypocracy was hillarious, they had no children together so a different senario to this and they both thought the other was 'sick' for wanting to use the name they choose when married (lots of accusations of not being over each other and poor new partner etc...) while both wanting to use it and stake claim to it themselves lol. If they had given they no longer had any ties (unlike you) it would have been fine anyway so they had no use arguing.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
HellsCominWithMe · 23/11/2022 09:31

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 23/11/2022 09:30

Very casually mention to his partner that you’re surprised he’s chosen that name, considering it was the name of his childhood sweetheart - the one you always felt he’d never got over….👀

Ooof this is too funny and absolutely brilliant 🤩

StartupRepair · 23/11/2022 09:33

Just focus on your baby. Your boys will follow your lead and you will work out a nickname for their dads baby.

GrubzUp · 23/11/2022 09:34

It's not unusual for family members to share names. I have the same name as my sister-in-law (a common 1970s name), my uncle married a woman with the same name as my mum (common 1950s name) and my daughter is named after her granny. I get that it's annoying as your ex has the opportunity to avert this happening but equally so do you - for all you know the name might have special meaning for his new partner too. You're sons will find a way of managing it.

Cornelious · 23/11/2022 09:35

I wouldn't use the name. If it's a name you discussed with your ex then in my mind it's tarnished and I'd want a new start and new discussions with my current partner. I also think 2 siblings with the same name will be confusing- they may use comparisons to distinguish- big Ella/ small Ella, blonde Ella/ ginger Ella etc etc

I saw on SM recently a poster posted 'happy birthday to my sister Molly'. Another poster said, 'happy birthday molly I'm sure your mum will be looking down from heaven'. Original poster put- 'oh no this is not my sister molly from my mummy, this is my daddy's daughter molly'. Cringe

Cornelious · 23/11/2022 09:36

@GrubzUp this is different though as the babies will be the same age and will be siblings to the shared brothers.

Honeyroar · 23/11/2022 09:38

Namechangedforthisonetoday · 23/11/2022 09:30

Very casually mention to his partner that you’re surprised he’s chosen that name, considering it was the name of his childhood sweetheart - the one you always felt he’d never got over….👀

But he’d just say there is no such person, my ex is lying. And he’d be right. His family could confirm it to her, and you’d look like the nutter ex…

Backtoreality1 · 23/11/2022 09:38

Anyone else find it really annoying on these threads when they don't just tell us the name?!

anxiousweewill · 23/11/2022 09:41

I'd be telling the ex dh wife!

catandcandle · 23/11/2022 09:43

I never knew my biological father, and in recent years I have found out through family research that he called his son, who is a few years younger than me, the male version of my name. I have wondered ever since whether he knew of my name when he did this (he refuses to contact me so I cannot ask him directly). It would seem an odd thing to do if he did know what my name was...

babyjellyfish · 23/11/2022 09:43

Just use the name.

Hopefully your baby will be born first anyway.

And tell the friends and family whose opinion you actually care about that this is what her name will be, regardless of what your ex husband and his wife decide to do.

SillySausage81 · 23/11/2022 09:45

My Gran and one of her sisters effectively had the same name. Their full names were different, but everyone shortened both of their names to the same thing (think Josephine and Joanne = Jo). I think their siblings called them "Big Jo" and "Little Jo".

I also know someone who had two daughters called Jess and Leanne, who married a woman who had two daughters the same age who were also called Jess and Leanne! So, step-sisters, but still potentially confusing. The parents referred to them as "my Jess", "your Leanne".

I know another woman (Spanish) who had three daughters all called Maria, but with a different middle name.

And I've got two cousins with the same first name, so we call them by their full name to differentiate.

So I wouldn't worry about it. You can't lay exclusive claim to names, no one owns them, so I'd let it go. Your daughter's name will still be special to you, and that's what matters. And if your sons already know the story, they won't think anything of it.

Whatsleftnow · 23/11/2022 09:46

I’m sitting here reading this imagining what it would be like to realise that your new dh is hell bent on giving my unborn dc a name purely to piss on his exw. That woman has problems. As bad as your situation is, she’s living with this psycho.

That’s not to make little of your situation OP. He’s a nasty little prick to have in your life in any capacity.

RaRaRaspoutine · 23/11/2022 09:52

For my money I don't think that they're going to use it. I think he's winding you up so you go with a different name, then he'll be like oh actually we called her x instead, to see your reaction.

piedbeauty · 23/11/2022 09:52

What a twat he is! He needs to speak to his new wife, tell her that you love the name, and suggest they call their baby something different.

Hadtocomment · 23/11/2022 09:54

I'm in two minds here. It does sound mean if he knew this was a name you wanted to use with great significance to you. I can also imagine, though, a situation where someone in his position could say to a partner we shouldn't use a name due to sentimental reasons of my ex and that not seem like a very valid argument. It sort of depends on the relationship between you all. So it's hard to know, without knowing what kind of person he is or what kind of relationship you all have, if he's deliberately causing you problems or not.

If he is being mean then I don't like the idea of giving in to it. But putting myself in the position of your potential daughter, I think it might seem odd if I were named exactly the same name as my half sister. They will inevitably have some sort of relationship in the future and I would really far prefer to have my own distinct name. The fact they will be almost the same age is even odder. So I think I'd put her to the forefront of your thoughts and come up with another name for her that you love that can be hers. Don't tell anyone though! At least if they have their child first, they can't switch and copy you.

If you want to commemorate this important person in your life, you can still use it as a middle name and have that link for her and you.

babyjellyfish · 23/11/2022 09:56

RaRaRaspoutine · 23/11/2022 09:52

For my money I don't think that they're going to use it. I think he's winding you up so you go with a different name, then he'll be like oh actually we called her x instead, to see your reaction.

Yes, this wouldn't surprise me at all.

They probably have a completely different name picked out and he's just doing this to mess with the OP's head.

If he's a real shit, I'd predict that he uses the name if his baby is born first, and that if OP has her baby first and uses the name he'll use the name as well just to be difficult, and that if the OP has her baby first and uses a different name he'll go with something else anyway so neither of them end up using it.

Best to just ignore him.

Hadtocomment · 23/11/2022 09:58

Ah sorry, I thought it was half sibs, not step sibs. In which case it depends, maybe, on what kind of relationship all the kids might have going orward. I'm inclined to still name her something of her own. If it were me I would prefer not to be "big Jo" or "little Jo" particularly with my own brothers.

BungleandGeorge · 23/11/2022 09:59

You like the name, his new partner likes the name, no big deal. The only shared link are your sons and they’ll just end up using a Nick name. When family names we’re more popular that’s what happened. If they spend more time with you then it’s likely it will be the other girl called something different. They’ll be fine

SmartWatch · 23/11/2022 10:02

You clearly are in the position of power here. Just announce her name and keep referring to that name with the boys. They wil be bound to mention to the new wife when they are there that they are looking forward to baby <unusual name> coming etc. Get a nameplate for the nursery door and a named cushion and get the boys involved with putting it up etc. Little boys have no sense of discretion and they will keep mentioning her. There is no way the new wife will play second fiddle and will put her foot down and veto the name would be my guess.

SmartWatch · 23/11/2022 10:03

Andshe won't be pleased that he's still giving you so much headspace and trying to mess with you. There is no way I would use that name if I was here and I knew about all this - so make sure she does!

mam0918 · 23/11/2022 10:07

Whatsleftnow · 23/11/2022 09:46

I’m sitting here reading this imagining what it would be like to realise that your new dh is hell bent on giving my unborn dc a name purely to piss on his exw. That woman has problems. As bad as your situation is, she’s living with this psycho.

That’s not to make little of your situation OP. He’s a nasty little prick to have in your life in any capacity.

I bet its really just a common popular name... I know OP says its not its a rare granny name but rare granny names are common right now.

Theres 3 Ediths in my DS class but if you had asked me prior to him starting school I would have said 'thats an old fashioned and uncommon name'.

I mean if I had always loved Mabel and was having a daughter and DH also loved Mabel I would be like great. If someone then said DH ex also liked the name Mabel because it was her great aunts name I would be like 'so what?' not think that DH was screwing me ME over. To screw me over he would ban me from the name I liked for his ex to have priority.

I think both women are fair and valid here, it the kids and ex-DH in the middle.

slashlover · 23/11/2022 10:11

How do you know the name isn't significant to you ex's DW?

Swipe left for the next trending thread