slapped DS. can’t live with ,myself.

[Rockmehardplace]

my ds is only 6 and has additional needs. he is an adorable little boy but some behaviours can be challenging. i had quite an abusive childhood, experienced/witnessed lots of violence and always swore DS would never have this. i’ve never so much as raised my voice to him (told him off sternly a few times but always calmly, in a low voice).
tonight he was over tired, screaming to come back downstairs even though he was over tired. i took him into my bed to try and settle him. i’ve just had a major op so not at my best. he continued to scream (not cry) and was lashing out and his hand caught my right across my face. before i even thought about it, i took his hand and slapped it.
i hate myself. i always tell him hands are not for hitting. you dont hit someone to teach them not to hit. you dont retaliate against a small child. he was disregulated and just expressing his tiredness/feelings. i literally hate myself.
he settled very soon afterwards and i cuddled him to sleep. how do i move forward from this? i feel like ive crossed a line i always swore i would never do.

I once did much worse by kicking the family dog after he had eaten a pizza I had mistakenly left on the floor (well of course he was going to eat it). The shame I felt was a form of punishment, but more important was the lesson never to respond like that again.

You kicked your dog for eating food you left on the floor?

I honestly don’t understand some people. How could it ever occur to you to boot a dog for eating food?

Again, it’s really unhelpful to make comments like this. Hitting children doesn’t teach them that hitting isn’t nice. It just teaches them that it’s ok to hit when you’re angry, as long as you’re hitting somebody smaller than yourself. And there’s no use looking at cats and dogs - they like their genitals and shit in public and we don’t do that, because we aren’t cats or dogs.

I think op needs support to move forward and our guards in place to stop this happening again, not people telling her she probably taught him a lesson and it’s all fine since she slapped the ‘correct’ body part.

Give your wee boy lots of cuddles this week @Rockmehardplace What you did was a reaction to being angry and stressed, and although it's not great, it's done now. Don't keep punishing yourself for what you did. Make it up to him, and he'll forget it. As well as giving your boy cuddles, give yourself a break too! Stop hating yourself for this. 🙁

Lots of (((HUGS))) to you and your little boy.

Hi OP - try to forgive yourself - you said sorry to DS and explained. You will be more mindful going forward and frankly for those saying you should've walked away - it's not always that easy when I child is very upset - my DS was so likely to do something to really hurt himself in those situations so it is always a judgement call about the least worse options.

Obviously op knows she was wrong, she didn’t mean to slap him and on the wrist. It’s a cry for help and as someone likely exhausted and overwhelmed and in pain she did the wrong thing and has come on here and asked for help/support not judgement.

op, I totally empathise with you and I’m sure it’s not something you’ll ever do again. I hope you’re ok, your son is ok and you can get help and support. I also have a son with additional needs and I know how tough it is and how hard it is to get the support you need. Harder as a single parent with out anyone to support you at home.

hope you are on the mend soon op take care of yourself

Someone left the gate open at the cunt farm, and I'm not talking about the OP 🙄

Never heard this before. It’s brilliant 🤩

thank you for all the supportive comments and understanding, especially those with a child with ASN and who know the sheer relentlessness of it all. Today was a new day and DS was his normal lovely self. had a wee chat with him and apologised again, did some massage and stressed the whole “gentle hands feel nice” and lots of cuddles. in retrospect, it wasn’t that i was feeling stressed and didnt remove myself from the situation in time. i was actually calm and just trying to support him through a huge tantrum (not even a meltdown, as he settled so quickly afterwards) when i just felt this almighty wallop across my face and it was just instinctive. Tonight i made sure settling for bed happened in HIS bed, with me sitting at the end of it so i couldn’t get hurt if he lashed out (he didnt). im going to ask my brother, who normally pops in at the weekend, to actually take him out for a few hours to give me a bit of a break, and i will be discussing it with the therapist i see (ironically to try and help me process my own difficult childhood). I’m still ashamed and disappointed in myself but going to draw a line under it. it will NEVER happen again. thank you (almost!) all for helping me through what was a real low point for me.

You're not yourself when you're trying to protect yourself from further harm. This is not a reflection on you and he will be absolutely fine.

Why does she get a pass for a slap but a GP on another thread doesn't? I'd forgotten how bad MN double standards are.

It was a slap on the hand, let it go. Your child won’t remember.

I hope you feel better soon, your condition sounds painful. 💐

“He’s a very big lad and on a one man mission to beat the crap out of me from the moment he wakes till the moment he goes to sleep.” - You have my every sympathy, I can’t imagine having to deal with this.

Don’t beat yourself up. I have had a couple of episodes with my eldest son (nearly 30 now) where I did something I regretted but it was forgotten about the next day and we are super close

@FreakyFrie It's 'should have' not 'should of'.

You gave the back of his hand a small tap. In my mind the only thing you did wrong was say sorry for doing it. He was misbehaving, he saw the consequences of that, but then you said sorry so that could show him that you actually thought there shouldn’t have been any consequences. It’s not like you gave him a hard smack, it was a light tap. We have been conditioned now to believe that any tap like that makes us terrible parents. It doesn’t.

@DrPeppersPhD I haven't read the grandparents thread but possibly in that scenario the adult isn't in sole, permanent charge of a high needs child, hadn't just had a major op and in a lot of pain? I'm just guessing but is that thread more about older attitudes to discipline clashing with more recent ones?