slapped DS. can’t live with ,myself.

[Rockmehardplace]

my ds is only 6 and has additional needs. he is an adorable little boy but some behaviours can be challenging. i had quite an abusive childhood, experienced/witnessed lots of violence and always swore DS would never have this. i’ve never so much as raised my voice to him (told him off sternly a few times but always calmly, in a low voice).
tonight he was over tired, screaming to come back downstairs even though he was over tired. i took him into my bed to try and settle him. i’ve just had a major op so not at my best. he continued to scream (not cry) and was lashing out and his hand caught my right across my face. before i even thought about it, i took his hand and slapped it.
i hate myself. i always tell him hands are not for hitting. you dont hit someone to teach them not to hit. you dont retaliate against a small child. he was disregulated and just expressing his tiredness/feelings. i literally hate myself.
he settled very soon afterwards and i cuddled him to sleep. how do i move forward from this? i feel like ive crossed a line i always swore i would never do.

i actually tried to contact social services last week, to see if they could offer me any temporary support with DS (as it was a major, major op i had and his needs are quite significant. they said no, as we dont have any history with SS and by the time they got something in place, i would have recovered. i did try to avoid this.

Hi OP. My parents once smacked my brother and it made them both feel so bad they never did it ever again to either of us. It was more normal then (90's) but they still felt it was wrong. My brother doesn't even remember it! They were great parents who made the wrong choice once. I think my parents were more traumatised than him.

You know it was wrong and you're not going to do it again. Do you have anyone that can help in the next few days to take the edge off? It sounds like you're having a really hard time right now and need it.

Agree with your post Duplicate . Freaky Fri you clearly have absolutely no self control!

I’m hugely against anything to do with violence and still want to send you a big hug OP. I believe that this was a once off, I believe you. I understand how utterly devastated you must be feeling and that your reaction was a shock to yourself. Sometimes when those happen, it’s enough for it to never ever happen again. You’ve been through a lot lately, it’s not an excuse but please allow yourself the peace to use it to forgive yourself. There’s no way back in time, so that’s all you can do now. Forgive yourself and learn from it.

Don't beat yourself u.
It's awful that you were left to look after a young child alone when you would barely be able to look after yourself.
Don't mention the slap.
I'm hoping that someone comes along with useful phone numbers. If it was just me would try to contact GP.
Or phone 101.
Its shameful that you were sent home with no support.
Of course you're struggling. It's not your fault.

I suppose you are a perfect parent yourself, who never shows crossness, and always ''Turns the other cheek'' and is the best parent the World has ever known.

In my experience, those who are the most critical of other's parenting tend to be less than stellar themselves.

@Rockmehardplace Don't worry about it. Slapping a hand when a child has launched at you is understandable in the circumstances.
It hurts and he was pushing you to your limits by the sound of it.

It must be incredibly hard for you to be managing after an op where you are likely still recovering.
You acknowledged it was not a great thing to do, but it happened.

@Rockmehardplace And you'd be right in your advice to that other person, who you know needs your kindness and understanding at the moment.
You know that the fears that you have right now are partly due to the pain and stress you are under, and night time and tiredness often magnify them don't they? You will feel differently about it in the morning.
I hope you live in a community where you can get the practical help you deserve to get you over this hump and back on the patient, loving parent track again, where you were before.

Get a fucking grip.

A bit harsh, the OP already feels ashamed of herself so don't rub it in, absolutely no need to be so righteous

It’s to make her realise just how wrong her actions are regardless of how it came about.
Anyone who wasn’t a total gimp could see she already knows how wrong her actions are. Your post was a deliberate kicking, must be sad being so empty on something in your sad little life that this is how you fill it back up, getting kicks out of berating a fellow mum in distress. Utter prick @FreakyFrie

I think you are mistaking empathy with emotional sensitivity

you certainly are not showing empathy towards the op and her situation- your emotions are funnelled entirely on the concept of the “ innocent child” . In this case said child was clearly causing the op great difficulties and sometimes kids can be little buggers towards their parents and other children. Momentarily. They cannot regulate their emotions/responses at times.

if you had empathy, you’d realise that we all have faults, moments we regret, mistakes. This is one of those momentary mistakes. You make mistakes too. Clearly you get it wrong how you respond to other people challenging you at times. It’s the old adage of remove the plank from you’re own eye first, before you try to remove the spec in someone else’s eye.

anyone with empathy can understand the op is already tormenting herself- you really do not know or understand more about the damage that smacking does than anyone else. it is patronising and presumptive .

OP, please please please ignore the horrible posts telling you that you are awful.

You are a mother under huge pressure. It is a human instinct to slap out at someone who is threatening/hurting you. Of course you can override it normally for your children but you couldn't this time because you were in pain.

Be kind to yourself. Don't wallow in shame as some shameful poster suggested. Instead have a chat with your child tomorrow and say sorry you hit him. I think you are trying to do a great job as a mother. I hope you have some support in real life.

OP I just want to say I am you- parent of a child with significant ASN and no-one can know what it's like until they live it. It's like being on high-stress alert 24 hours a day when you can never really relax, melt-downs and violence are common, and you're pushed and pushed and pushed to the limit. I've turned in shock/ sheer frustration more than once and held a hand too hard in restraint/ shouted in his face/ told him I can't cope/ pushed in anger. And I'm usually so positive and loving. I KNOW you're a great mum who's just been pushed to limit, because I'm one of those too.

Looking at it pragmatically op, you might just have taught him that hitting isn't nice.

You are doing a great job. Get well soon.

Also, you smacked as a reaction to a threat. Far more forgivable than something premeditated. I think it's pretty normal. Just watch cats with kittens and dogs with puppies.

Sleep well

Aww OP, it sounds like you're at breaking point and you reached that point at that moment in time. The fact that you feel so awful and guilty means you are a good Mother, and you do care, a shit mother wouldn't give a stuff and probably think he deserved it. Forgive yourself, learn from it and move on, we all make mistakes despite what other perfect posters would have us believe!

She didn't.choose to slap.She reacted, I think understandably. She is upset by the incident and doesn't need to be hectares about it.

Hectored that should be

None of us are perfect.

People lashing out at you (albeit safely tucked away behind their keyboards) are not helping. So be a bit kinder to yourself. You slapped his hand away because you were in defensive mode as you are so sore. You didn't slap him in the face.

A broken sternum is serious. Do you have any other support? He will want to climb on you/cuddle etc and you cannot do that at the mo.

Hope you heal well. x

A broken sternum must be incredibly painful.
Goodness knows how you are managing with such a ''Central'' part of you hurting.
Especially with a small ''Lashing out'' child.. Really hope you can get some support.

What is disgusting is discharging people from hospital, before considering whether or not they'd be able to look after themselves, or that a 6 old will be in their sole care.
Attempts at sorting social care just result in bed blocking for elderly patients
No idea what you do if discharged when younger.
Women are told not to lift after cesareans. But know people who are on their own with no support.

OP, if you happen to live in Hull, drop me a line and I will come and help you with anything you might need. I'm not an internet oddball, I promise - I just feel dreadful that you are having to cope alone.

Another woman with a hysterectomy and young kids. Advised not to do lifting Turfed out of hospital with no support. It would be impossible not to do lifting.

Can’t all be as perfect as @FreakyFrie …. 😏can we.

It was a slap on the hand, tomorrow is a new day. I doubt the child will remember! Take care of yourself.

@FreakyFrie right yes you have your opinion, you've had your say, no need to keep repeating yourself just because others disagree, everyone else has their opinions too.

Op, you are in pain and he lost it, you slapped his hand to snap him out of it, you cuddled him to sleep so he felt safe. He needed a telling off...I'm sure under normal circumstances you wouldn't have slapped his hand but give yourself a break...parenting a sen child is tough...even more so when your dealing with everything else in pain.
You are ok, he is ok and tomorrow is a new day. You love him and he loves you x

I had quite an abusive childhood, experienced/witnessed lots of violence and always swore DS would never have this.

And he hasn't. This tiny lapse/natural reaction to being hit yourself is not abuse.

i slapped it while saying hitting hurts.

This is also not abuse. You have not damaged him. You are not a terrible person. Try to remember the millions of moments of love and care you have provided against one automatic and understandable movement.