Revenge secret Santa for the office b£#@!

[Surewhyknot]

I'm looking for the worst, most subtle insulting secret Santa gift for the office stirrer.. limit is £10 and we're opening them in person.

I'm torn between a pair of secondhand socks or a homemade loo roll cozy al la your grandma!

What are the worst you've had? Can I cast insult without being too overt??

Definitely outing so I have name changed for this!

A colleague 'gifted' another colleague for secret santa:

A glass mixing bowl

A wooden spoon

and....a fake dog turd from the joke shop (yip we used to have a joke shop in our town)

All pointing towards colleague being a massive shit stirrer - you can imagine how well this was received 😝

Or someone at my work got a mug with

charismatic
upbeat
nice
teamplayer

on the side.

he was not impressed

Beautifully put and well said!🌺

Someone classy once said ‘when they go low, we go high’

Go ahead and do this if you want to be labelled the office bully. So cruel. My sister once got slim fast as an incredibly cruel secret Santa. She was overweight at the time but developed bulimia soon after. She’s now unable to have children and is pretty sure it’s because of the ED.

You sound really nasty and you have no idea what the consequences of your pathetic actions may be. I hope you don’t have children OP and if you do, I hope you’re not raising them to be bullies too.

16 years ago an absolute darling supervisor of mine bought me a blow up doll (female)

I'm straight. I'd just had a baby. Mortified is not the word.

She then ignored me at the Christmas Do (I was on mat leave and came in especially)

Absolute cow.

How unkind.

I once read a thread where someone said they participated in their Secret Santa because they knew it would be the only gift they got at Christmas. Just imagine if they'd got someone who would think of being so cruel.

Vibrator?

The fact you’d do this makes me wonder if she really is the issue in the office. This is hugely bullying. They could work out who it was. So if nothing else but self preservation then just don’t.

Defo this, or a box of chocs. Not offensive enough to get you into trouble but quite clearly indicates they weren’t worth much effort.

I would love a giant calculator!

I second the charity gift, preferably for something unglamorous e.g. improving toilet facilities.

I’d wager that YOU are the office passive aggressive bully who goes around being nasty behind people’s backs and this woman who you deem a b@cth just sees through your act.

Grow up and don’t be so mean. Whatever you may or may not think about someone should be put aside for SS and the spirit of Christmas. Gifts should be given and received with kindness and gratitude. Joke gifts for people who you KNOW will see the funny side. I’m sure you won’t take on any of the good advice on here.

If I got you in SS I might be inclined to get you an inspirational plaque that said “choose kindness”.

Yes this has triggered me! 😂

We had a boss years ago that was a grump but had his funny moments albeit rare, then his baby girl was born and he was starting to really mellow. We managed to talk him into joining in secret Santa with us, he really made an effort too. The person that got him just put the money (£5 limit) in a card. Boss just put the card in the bin and went back to the office in a huff saying “this is why I don’t bother” it was awful to witness 😞
A few of us went out and got him a load of his favourite goodies from the closest newsagents to cheer him up. He was grateful (even brought his baby DD in dressed as an elf for cuddles - so cute), but never did secret Santa again after that year.

Pre-covid I got a Bayliss & Harding set in the SS. Can't recall exactly what was in it but was nicely boxed up and although not for me I smiled gratefully (it was something odd like prosecco scented so it was always destined for the charity shop). I didnt realise until now that the giver must not have liked me! 😆

I agree with the others though OP, dont give something outright mean or unpleasant.

So you're asking for ideas on how to publicly bully this person? You sound nice.

See, i would go the other way and buy a really expensive gift if you can stretch to it?

it'll make you look like you are the better person and I bet the recipient will be a bit embarrassed 😳

😂😂

I mean OP don't actually do this....

but @Essexgirlupnorth I don't usually laugh out loud when reading comments but I did with this one - the casual 'get secret Santa banned for a while' hahahaha.

I've bought plenty of Bayliss & Harding sets in SS - and it's never been because I dislike someone - it's always been because I don't know them very well. I have colleagues who I get on really well with and really do like but I just don't know enough about the things they are into outside of work to figure out a really thoughtful £10 gift. So I've played it safe with a set like that ;-)

If she really is being a bitch to you then I'd abandon this thread, and start another thread titled. "What would you like to get Michael Gove if you drew him in Secret Santa?"

Revel in the evil ideas that you'd use in your alternate fantasy life, then buy her a tub of Knoops hot chocolate shavings/bottle of Horta gin/Oxfam toilet and walk away with a clear conscience.

There’s a book by this title, which could be a possibility. £8.22 on Amazon. It contains iconic speeches from famous figures. Would that work? Depends on your company culture and values as am looking at the dual meaning.

Peace on Earth and goodwill to all men

Please don't use Christmas like this

@Surewhyknot

I know you were looking for this to be a funny thread, but sadly, although it's tempting to buy some things that are going to embarrass and humiliate this person, at the end of the day, it makes you no better than them. (Worse probably!)

It will turn you into a bit of a passive aggressive borderline bully, to be honest with you. Don't do it. Anyway, as suggested, a Bayliss and Harding gift set should be insulting enough LOL.

They are like the 'Christmas gift' version of the card in the 'mix pack' that people used to give to people they didn't like - in the 1980s. Really bland, with brown and boring baubles - on a beige card. Most people used to give that card to people didn't like.

By the way OP...... where ARE you? You posted once - nearly 3 hours ago - and have not returned to your thread. 😕

I was given a truly hideous plant pot- think of the most garish thing anyone could possibly find, really badly painted, to go into my beautiful garden, that team had seen , with plain,terracotta or plain glazed pots in sage green.(I am the plainest person on earth,in every way)

Others received afternoon tea vouchers, (one of my favourite things) or decent wine, specialist gin, or a crystal vase , I would rather have nothing, and have opted out ever since.

I was so upset, more so because the person who 'got' me,as I later was told,I had considered to be a friend.

Still dont know if it was passive aggressive.

Give the gift of kindness and get something you’d like to receive yourself. You might think it’s terribly clever to buy a mean gift, but no-one benefits from it and it’s likely other people who know will also think less of you. Please don’t.