Inability to attend school due to anxiety

[SheWoreARaspberryBeret123]

Hoe do you persuade your anxious child to try going into school?

I'm at the end of my tether here 🙈

How old is the child ?
What have school done to help ?
Have you contacted the School Nurse and GP to ask for a CAMHS referral ?

How long has it been going on for?
What have the school done to help?

Have a look at Not Fine in School website.

I have some ideas, but it depends what they are anxious about and why and their age.

Take them. School will ring if they need to come home.

(Missing school makes it far harder to go in).

You need to speak to the class teacher and work out a plan. Sometimes arriving earlier than the other children can help to settle the child, or arriving slightly later after the rush.

Maybe the teacher can offer quiet time with an iPad first thing. Basically whatever it takes to help your child feel less anxious on arriving.

Whatever you do DO NOT force them in to school. This is not the way anxiety is fixed. Have they said why they are anxious?

Op sometimes you just can’t. Sometimes if you push a child too hard they’ll have a breakdown. Your focus needs to be less about going to school and more about teaching them resilience and how to cope. There isn’t an easy answer.

Hi please seek support from the Not Fine At School Website.

Forcing an anxious child into school without getting to the root of the anxiety can cause trauma and can back fire.

Has the child expressed why they are anxious? Is there bullying? Unmet Sen Needs?

It is actually fairly rare that a child doesn't want to be in school without a good reason.

Ask for a meeting with the SENCO to discuss strategies. Ask for an appointment with the dr to discuss the anxiety.

How old? Huge sympathy OP.

My DD was like this in year 10 and 11, so stressful for everyone. I backed off trying to force her in as it wasn’t working and it was making everyone miserable.

Mental health is the priority at the moment, they can always return to education at a later date.

The other stressful side to this was judgement from friends/family who thought I was being a pushover and she was ‘taking the mickey’.

Don’t make them go in when distressed.
Listen to them and believe them when they tell you about their feelings and don’t say “don’t be silly” or “you’ll be fine”.

Don’t start doubting your child if the staff insist that he or she “is fine when here”.

Do not let school pressure you. Your priority is your DC’s mental health. That is not school’s priority, they are focused on attendance.

Consider SEN. Any signs of ASD?

It’s such a difficult situation many mums find themselves in, including myself with DS2. I can empathise OP it’s awful and very upsetting to go though.

The best advice I can give is to work with the school, they need to know. what is your child finding difficult, keeping up with work, have they fallen out with friends, being bullied etc. or just that they do not like the school system and that is causing the anxiety. Has your child been assessed for dyslexia? I know finding a educational psychologist at LA level isn’t always available. We paid for private assessment, it was expensive though, (£400 10years ago).

My DS2 is dyslexic he didn’t like school at all, knew every trick in the book to stay home, or leave school etc, just to give you some hope, my son left with one GCSE, that was a minor miracle as we didn’t think he would pass any. He now works in a niche area of tech, he has a great work ethic and is doing really well, he was a changed person once he left school and started to work in an area that was interesting to him.

Good luck today, I hope you get your child to school and school will listen & can help your child to feel a bit more settled. Take one day at a time. Sending hugs.

They are 10
No ASD
CAMHS completely overwhelmed here.
We've started therapy. It's extortionate. We can't really afford it.
School's solution seems to be, "we can send work home"
The school counsellor is also overwhelmed. Just prioritising kids with SEN / bereavement.

Am listening. Making it clear we understand and are trying to help.
I just want my child to be able to face school. They were very resilient up until lockdown. No bullying. Very popular. I don't know why school has become so hard. I feel pretty abandoned by them tbh.

Thanks for the hugs @Roselilly36 🥲

Can you ask school for a referral to the council health related education team? They provide education for children with anxiety who cannot attend school and work on a reintegration plan to support get them child back into education.

CAMHS is completely overstretched, our GP referred my son, as he thought my disability (MS) could have been one of the factors, DS2 was 8 when I was dx and it was a scary time for us all. CAMHS refused to see him, as he wasn’t sucidal. We had private counselling for weeks, paid for by our private health insurance. It made no difference sadly.

its a shame school isn’t being more supportive.

I wish I had the answer for you OP.

Is your GP helpful? If they are prepared to say she has anxiety and refer her to cahms (even if the wait is long) then the LA should have some home tutors and an online school she can join in on. They sometimes even have a group you can go to. The school /LA will argue over who pays but the bottom line is if a child is too ill to attend school this has to be done and sending work home isnt a suitable alternative.

Are there things she would attend, or a timeframe she could manage. At her pace under her control. So would she go in until first break for instance. With zero pressure to increase the time (schools love to do re-intergration plans which go, 5 mins monday, 20 mins tuesday, all day forevermore)

Morning op, I literally could have written this myself. My 6 year old son cries every morning and hates school. His words. I have tried everything to ease his anxiety. He has separation issues. Have arranged an appointment with SEN lead at school and awaiting GP appointment as not sure whether there is something underlying. I feel so cruel taking him every day. I have also got fed up and shouted at him which I feel so bad about but it’s really affecting my mh. Sometimes I just feel like homeschooling him. X

DS2 is 16, year 11. He's been to school twice since September. The dr has written a letter saying he doesn't have to go in. Its only since then that school have agreed to send work home and ghee ewo has stopped phoning weekly/turning up at the house.

If the school are offering to send work home then take it.

Just to make those on here aware of the legal position on alternative provision.

After 15 days absence, which don't have to be cumulative, the Local Authority has to put in alternative provision under s. 19 of the Education Act 1996. They don't like to highlight this duty for obvious reasons.

If a child is struggling with school to this extent then it is worth putting in a parental request for an Educational Health Care Plan Needs Assessment, there doesn't need to be known SEN to do this, anxiety is enough to trigger an assessment. www.ipsea.org.uk/making-a-request-for-an-ehc-needs-assessment. These assessments are useful because they can flag up undiagnosed issues such as ASD, dyslexia or sensory issues, which can be triggers for children's anxiety in school.

At the same time a request can be made for the Alternative Provision to the LA, which in many areas is home and hospital provision.

Good luck OP. Lots of us have been in this position.

I am taking it.
It's not helpful in terms of encouraging him back into school though is it.

Yep don't force them, let them go in as much as they feel able. Pressure off. Can they have friends round? Are they up to that, definitely try to keep that going. Their peers can often be the best motivation to get them back/out and about, doing regular stuff.
Good luck!

If they keep up with work it means that is one less worry for going in, being behind etc, when they do feel able/less anxious.

www.ipsea.org.uk/getting-temporary-education-put-in-place

If you need this don’t delay.

I faffed about for far too long on this dealing with education welfare. When I eventually emailed the head of children’s services I then received a phonecall from a senior education officer, within a couple of hours.

I think this is what you meant, but just for the benefit of anyone reading, the 15 days don’t have to be consecutive, they can be cumulative, and they don’t have to have already been missed.

Those mentioning the school sending work home, that isn’t a suitable substitute for the LA providing a suitable, full time education. And they don’t have to send work home as the duty lies with the LA, not the school.

The benefit of applying for an EHCNA is that EHCPs can include therapies DC wouldn’t otherwise get without sitting on the normal waiting lists.