Inability to attend school due to anxiety

[SheWoreARaspberryBeret123]

Hoe do you persuade your anxious child to try going into school?

I'm at the end of my tether here 🙈

I think this is what you meant, but just for the benefit of anyone reading, the 15 days don’t have to be consecutive, they can be cumulative, and they don’t have to have already been missed.

Yes Oops. !

Thank you 👍

This is amazing!
School have been so unhelpful.
I'll send a letter asap.
Thanks so much.

On mumsnet, the answer will be not to force or even try to persuade them to go in. The not fine in school website has plenty of parents who can advise you if you choose this approach. Some tutoring is available from the LA but that will not replace the hours at school.

Section 19 provision must be a suitable, full time education u less that’s inappropriate for the pupil’s needs. That is judged to be the equivalent of 22-25 hours per week depending age, although if the provision is 1:1 as it often is it can be fewer hours as it is more intense and the content covered quicker. For example, in this LGO case 12.5-15 hours per week was judged not to be full time even though it was 1:1, but 27.5-20 was close to full time.

If you apply for an EHCP and go down the EOTAS route even more provision can be provided. DS1 has 28 hours worth of 1:1 provision each week, a mix of tuition, therapies and other provision.

@SheWoreARaspberryBeret123 you could be me. 10 year old Year 5 boy who up until the summer was ok with school.

This half term it has all gone wrong. Horrible anxious and angry half term. Sent him back Monday. Had TUesday/Wednesday off after meltdown on Monday. Thursday ok Friday refused to ever go back huge huge meltdown causing me to call Mental Health Crisis.

Wants to go back desperately but the thought is just so overwhelming with anxiety. Doctors today for counselling referall. Better now made decision

Cant cope with all the bullying and figting at school

We push our kids until breaking point here in the UK because we think school is the only option. We are advised to force them in no matter what, it's good for them, builds resilience.
There are thousands of parents struggling with this issue, and all of them have gone down the same route of forcing them in, stripping their rooms as a punishment, whilst desperately trying to seek help, and yet most of these students are still unable to attend school.
SCHOOL REFUSAL IS NOT A CHOICE.
Would you force an agrophobic out of the house ?
When are the so called professionals going to have the balls to admit they are out of their depth and have no idea how to treat this issue?
Young teenagers already know they should be in school, if they didn't give a shit they wouldn't be anxious. Nearly all these students have high intelligence, good grades and previous excellent attendance. We need to stop patronising and shaming them for struggling with a very complex mental health disorder. They need support, and there isn't any. If an adult suffers with anxiety and panic they get prescribed medication, this isn't an option for young students. An adult wouldn't be forced into work. The way we currently deal with this issue is toxic and damaging and the success rate is incredibly low.

I disagree sorry. If your child is a popular child with no bullying and no SEN they should be in school. I feel that in general as a society we are teaching our kids that they dont have to face any sort of anxiety and they dont have to fo anything that makes them anxious. This isnt helping them get ready for society. I am not saying there shouldn't be help or strategies but to ot send them in reinforces the feeling of relief when that anxiety disappears. How is your child ever going to then sit their exams or pass a driving test. We live with a certain level of anxiety sometimes and have to learn strategies for it. I say this with an ASD son now 21 who hated school with a passion. It was so hard to get him in from primary. Perseverance and lots a d lots of different strategies and that same boy is now working 10 hours a week and drives a car. You could try half days, mornings a later start an earlier finish coming home at dinner and then back. Try anything and everything but just to keep.him off with no real reason for it wont teach him much apart from when he is anxious he can hide away and be safe at home.

I can understand this as one of my dc's went through it in year 8. The school were really supportive, she was allowed to go in for just a couple of hours in the mornings for a while, and the thought of me coming to get her before lunch was enough to get her through that (luckily my work were very understanding too!) We gradually built up the time she stayed in school over a few weeks, and it just got better, now she has no issues at all inyear 11.

and no SEN

When there is EBSA there is SEN involved. SEMH is a category of SEN.

How is your child ever going to then sit their exams

Many DC unable to attend school still sit exams.

or pass a driving test.

Many also manage this.

@SpentDandelion absolutely, great post.

Bollocks anxiety and school refusal does not equal SEN thats insulting. There are plenty of children who refuse to go to school for a variety of reasons. I am not wanting to be hard on the OP it's tough when your child doesn't want to do something. The first time you see them anxious is horrible but as parents there is a responsibility here. Every child doesnt need to stay out of school, to be home schooled to push for alternatives. Sometimes kids get anxious and they do need strategies and help to deal with that. They dont need adults who are care providers removing any element of stress from their lives so they dont have to experience these if it makes them anxious. Only you know your child OP but the description of them you have given to me doesnt suggest you need to consider drastic measures.

Bollocks anxiety and school refusal does not equal SEN thats insulting.

SENCOP says otherwise.

What a load of crap. Yes a small amount of anxiety is normal. Possibly a good thing.

But my son was literally shaking and crying last time he tried to go to school (I know that's a bit of a MN cliché but he really was.)

Exams? Who cares. There's options post GCSE. Right now his mh matters more than his GCSE results (DS is in year 11)

And i couldn't give a shiny shite about driving tests. It's not exactly compulsory!

I am not talking about your son. I am commenting on a post where the OP says her 10yr old has no SEN is popular is not bullied and generally doesnt struggle. My comments would be very different if he was bullied or if he had SEN. Our responsibility as parents is to prepare our children for society. I dont want to hear your son is struggling but your ridiculously dramatic post tells me you wont be best to help get him some professional help and fingers crossed one day he will get a job drive have a family and enjoy life not sit in his room to anxious to go out into the world.

tootiredtospeak has actually suggested some practical adjustments and speaks a lot of sense although there will be a mass pile on no doubt. To say that her view is a load of crap is very rude and short sighted. Not everyone's anxiety is the same. Whilst there may well be people who cannot attend, there will be others who should be trying to attend even if it is on a part time basis. Sometimes, working through anxieties and learning to manage those feelings is the right thing to do. It may not be easy and your child may not want to but that doesn't mean it is the wrong thing to do.

Again, anxiety to the level it results in EBSA is a form of SEN.

You can keep saying it all day long. No it's not.

SpentDandelion there are many reasons for children being out of school. They are also complex. To state that all these children have a mental illness called anxiety is overreaching. How can you possibly know and diagnose all these children as having a mental health problem?

Yes, it is. Read the SENCOP. It explicitly mentions anxiety and depression under SEMH needs.

Having just read the definition of SEN from SENDCOP, it is not necessarily true that being unable to attend school because a person feels anxious about school is a SEN. If this anxiety constitutes a disability then maybe, but I think describing all young people out of school as disabled is a stretch.

I have read it many many times as I have a child with SEN who has had an EHCP since he entered education at aged 5 right up to leaving his special needs school. You are twisting the truth to suit. This child is in mainstream school suffering isolated anxiety that's presented as a one off not experienced previously. They will not have seen an educational psychologist at this stage or been assessed. You cant just self diagnose and apply government guidance because you feel like it

The sendcop talks about children with medical conditions who may also have SEN and about working in an integrated way to meet these needs. It is not saying that medical conditions equal SEN.

Does your child have a clinical diagnosis of an anxiety disorder? If so who was it diagnosed by and what treatment plan is in place?

I sympathise OP. My DD suffers from anxiety and emetophobia. Sometimes this results in school absence.

One day out of sheer frustration I tried to force her to go in.

It ended with us both in tears sat on the floor in the hallway. We didn't even make it out the front door.

CAHMS are beyond stretched. School is such a one size fits all and it is not the right envrionemt for every single child, how can it be when every child is different?

Thousands of children are struggling and the support is minimal.

The not fine in school page on FB is very supportive. It helps to know you're not alone.