Inability to attend school due to anxiety

[SheWoreARaspberryBeret123]

Hoe do you persuade your anxious child to try going into school?

I'm at the end of my tether here 🙈

You can’t be serious. Plenty of DC with SEN go under the radar until secondary school and beyond.

My only agenda is ensuring parents are given the correct information about SEN, SEN provision and how they can advocate for their DC to ensure they get the provision they are entitled to.

Again therapy is an I’ll defined term
in this context. There are all sorts of snake oil salesman around particular when it comes to mental health services. Paying for a counsellor is very different from having a diagnosis and treatment plan overseen by a clinical psychologist or a psychiatrist. I could wake up tomorrow decide I am feeling depressed and book in for a course of counselling. Wouldn’t mean that I am clinically depressed or in fact that I had any mental health needs at all.

This angers me beyond belief.

No I had no idea. None. You have clearly never heard of masking.

10 is actually quite a common age for bright children with SEN to start to struggle.

Year 5 is challenging for all children with the increase in work for the year 6 SATS. Where a child isn't progressing as expected due to undiagnosed dyslexia it is when they are likely to be being called lazy rather than the root of the issue being addressed.

It is also an age where social differences become more obvious so it is an age where ASD can become apparent when it has been well masked in previously.

This was exactly what happened with us - both daughters at primary were doing well one was on the gifted and talented register . Overly chatty overly friendly , referred to as ‘quirky’ and lived the routine of going in each day. Sent them to secondary school and overnight a change. Totally overwhelmed couldn’t cope , couldn’t function , couldn’t speak, couldn’t eat

Unfortunately your posts on this thread are based on a raft of assumptions and if those assumptions are not correct the advice you are giving is misleading at best and at worst has the potential to make the situation worse.

My only agenda is ensuring parents are given the correct information about SEN, SEN provision and how they can advocate for their DC to ensure they get the provision they are entitled to.

Me too.

It saddens me that people assume it is either home education or school.

I have never met a parent yet whose child has an ASD diagnosis that has said they were clueless. There were signs along the way that accumulated in what you describe and yes of course I understand masking but it's very uncommon in boys. I am not saying that you wilfully knew and ignored and am sorry if that makes you angry.

You could yes, but that wouldn’t be helpful and I doubt the OP would pay extortionate prices for snake oil. I also never said having therapies did mean you were clinically depressed or had MH difficulties. But OP’s DC being unable to attend school due to EBSA does.

Therapies in terms of EHCPs covers a wide range from a clinical psychologist to OT to SALT to equine assisted therapy, play therapy, art therapy and everything in between. All these can be accessed via an EHCP and LAs aren’t going to fund snake oil nor will SENDIST order them.

has the potential to make the situation worse.

How? She has advised seeking an EHCNA and asking for AP.

How does that make the situation worse? If the child doesn't have additional needs and is able to go back to school then that can still happen.

The problem with not doing it is the time frame that these things take. Leaving it, just in case the anxiety miraculously disappears (highly unlikely) leaves the child without provision.

My posts are based on what the OP posts. That isn’t misleading and won’t make things worse. Unlike some posters.

Me too. But you can see why it is such a fight to get adequate provision when even other parents of DC with SEN are minimising and brushing off needs.

I missed all the signs-twice ! I literally didn’t know that both dds being so overly talkative and sociable was a sign - I thought children with asd just didn’t like socialising not realising that actually being too sociable and having no boundaries is a social communication problem, looking back I see it all now but at the time I had no idea. My son with asd I knew from when he was tiny as he presented so differently to my daughters

Masking is not that uncommon in boys. My boy masked and still masks much more successfully than my daughter.

There are 2 of us on this thread that say we saw no real signs so perhaps the friends you have are limited in their experience. If you go on the Not Fine in School Site undiagnosed autism is a very common cause of EBSA.

I have a son with ASD and a child in the family who is a girl who is also diagnosed and both present very differently but both of us and like I say from numerous support groups I have attended along the years. I have only ever experienced people saying that they knew something was different about their child and not necessarily in a negative way. If that's not your experience I dont want to invalidate it. I am just frustrated with the encouragement that the OP should pursue a SEN approach when its possibly the last thing her child needs. All other options sent to be being ignored or shot down.

I know, it is a common theme on EBSA threads for people to come on with zero experience of EBSA dismissing and minimising the issues for these children.

No child WANTS to be out of school.

It's bloody awful for everyone concerned.

It is particularly bad that on this thread people are saying that child can't have sen if it isn't diagnosed by 10. Just complete and utter rubbish.

OP not an expert on this and you are getting
Good advice (and feisty views ) but two other things which may help your child whilst you get them back to school (or not - will still be good). Do They like reading - might be a way to fill some long hours not at school and local library is free and if they don’t like reading will have graphic novels amd comics etc. and doesn’t have to be “the right age” -
Familiar younger books can build reassurance
And really not for everyone but oak academy - teacher taught lessons free on line which many parents used in the pandemic is still available
/ ditto bbc bite size. you will know your own child but also means you can go up or down age levels as suits.also horrible histories (you’ll never be short of history facts again)
Won’t solve the issue but may make the time now fo a bit easier ?

My experience is not limited and does not come from a facebook group of undiagnosed autistic people or parents. It comes from real life support groups through the hospital and through special needs schools as my son is diagnosed and always has been he has had an EHCP all life.

am just frustrated with the encouragement that the OP should pursue a SEN approach when its possibly the last thing her child needs. All other options sent to be being ignored or shot down.

And I'm frustrated that as a SEN parent you cannot see that if a child is UNABLE to attend school that is indicative of an unmet need.

No child WANTS to miss school .

Children want to do well.

Sorry should have oak academy is very marmite so May be great or bad (watch before you give to your child).
And sending good vibes - sounds tough

All his school life he is now 21 and just finished a special needs college.

The lack of knowledge on SEN law is frustrating.

I missed DS3’s ASD despite DD2 already being diagnosed. It was DS1’s (not autistic but other complex needs) CAMHS team who spotted it. I couldn’t see it at the time. I even remember starting a thread on MN about it. He is definitely autistic and it’s obvious now. Since then I have also been diagnosed.

Oh goodness so is it that you don't think bright children really have SEN?

My son was awarded his EHCP when he was 11 it will stay with him for the rest of his education.

There is a grey area where there are no schools for bright children who can't cope in mainstream and don't have behavioural problems.

I do hope you are not trying to minimise the experience of children who fall in this gap.

How are you able to ascertain he is unable to attend school though Your applying your own agenda and there comes my frustration. He may well be able too he may not the OP asked how people got their child into school not how they kept them out.

or shot down.

You mean exactly what you are doing to those suggesting OP advocates for her child to receive the provision they are entitled to.

the hospital and through special needs schools

And we all know hospitals and schools don’t always know SEN law. In fact many schools believe the LA’s unlawful policies.

I am not talking about your child. I have been answering what the OP said about hers.