Inability to attend school due to anxiety

[SheWoreARaspberryBeret123]

Hoe do you persuade your anxious child to try going into school?

I'm at the end of my tether here 🙈

I have not missed this thank you.

Thank you.

Have you considered testing for any mental health issues ie ocd aspbergers..

Asperger Syndrome isn’t a mental health issue. For new diagnoses it is now all encompassed under ASD anyway.

Cheers I'm bit behind the times lol..my son has aspbergers he was diagnosed Bout 5 Yr ago..and back when he was school age I tried hard to get him into a school that was as lady said above for kids with aspbergers etc as I guess I intuitively knew something was going on but there wasn't the funding as he wasn't diagnosed.

Support in schools, including funding via an EHCP, is based on needs, not diagnosis. Although some ASD specialist schools won’t admit without a formal diagnosis, there are other types SS that do.

Of course School's don't tend to tell you this.

There is lots of misinformation going on in schools and in Local Authorities who want to protect the purse strings rather than put in appropriate support. Such as you can't get an EHCP unless the child is 2 years behind and you can't get one without diagnosis.

Agree. Also see in order to get an EHCNA the school must have spent £6k, 2 assess/plan/do/review cycles need to have been done, you need an EP assessment to apply. you can’t apply post 16…

I applied for an EHCNA myself - child wasn't behind at all. Was granted and so was the EHCP.

I tried and fought tooth and nail to get my son into a school inbrighton that was small and at time had funding etc..but couldn't get him.in as he wasn diagnosed etc. It's different these days people diagnosed and spotted mich earlier in infancy and with the diagnosis comes things like being able to get your child into the right school etc

Support in schools, EHCPs and before that Statements of SEN have always been based on on needs, rather than diagnosis, so unless your DS is in his 50s he did not need a diagnosis in order to attend a special school (and I don’t know enough about the SEN system prior to that comment so one may not have been necessary even then). A diagnosis may have been needed for the particular SS you wanted if it was an autism special school, but there are other special schools that don’t/didn’t require a diagnosis.

A diagnosis does not automatically result in additional help or access to a SS. It is based on needs.

If my child does have SEN they have been masking it very effectively for a long time.

Well, quite. That's often how it works, sadly.

That is supposed to be true, but in reality it isn’t always the case even today. Without a diagnosis it’s easier for school to deny that problems exist. The LA really don’t want to find placements or issue EHCPs even with a diagnosis.

The “based on need” doesn’t work so well in reality if there isn’t a thorough needs assessment to start with

Schools and LAs tell parents otherwise, but legislation, SENDIST and the LGO act within the actual law rather than the LAs made up version, and that states provision is based on needs, not diagnosis.

If LAs refuse as is often the case irrespective of whether there is a diagnosis or not parents can appeal and SENDIST will give short shrift to the LA if they are refusing because there isn’t a diagnosis.

Schools who refuse to make their best endeavours to meet a pupil’s SEN because they aren’t diagnosed leave themselves open to a disability discrimination case.


A needs assessment has nothing to do with a diagnosis. A thorough needs assessment doesn’t require a diagnosis.

I was this child. My mum became a dinner lady 🤣

Or the trauma of this will make them worse.
Not worth the risk- work with the school and your GP to find a solution OP

Love it when this is suggested.

LIKE THE PARENTS HAVEN'T ALREADY TRIED THAT

I have this on a daily basis with my dd10 but she has ASD. Every day is a battle to get her dressed but I have to get her to school, I need to work I'm a single mum. It's all very easy to say give up work and home school but it's not that easy. That said I do worry about what I'm doing to her mental health.

@imnotwhoyouthinkiam sorry to hijack the post but you would mind sending to me too? Thanks

My DD has had periods of being very anxious at school. Things that have helped:-

• having an open conversation with the HT about anxiety levels and agreeing to tackle it as a team
• having a slow start in the morning, my DD would come directly into the classroom and could pick a game or activity to start the day for 10 minutes while the class got settled
• a “now, next and then” board to manage her work through the day and help manage transitions
• no homework, she has enough to cope with during the day
• a quiet place she could go to if she felt overwhelmed
• having a designated staff member she could talk to if she was struggling
• good relationships with the two depute heads who actively kept an eye out for her
• changing her seat in the classroom away from windows (too distracting for her)
• a sensory box of things like kinetic sand, play dough and fidget toys she could use when sitting still was too hard
• feelings flash cards she could use to explain how she was feeling
• positive behaviour management processes eg no traffic lights, clouds, or anything public

None of it was resource intensive but small changes made the difference between her being able to cope, or not.

@SheWoreARaspberryBeret123 @lollipoprainbow

I know OPs son isn't a teen, not sure about yours lollipop, but anything is worth looking at imo.

Which reminds me that I need to actually order them!

@imnotwhoyouthinkiam thanks ! She's 10

Some of those specifically say for teens, but might still be useful!
Good luck.

I am not a doctor or NHS person etc I'm just a mum of someone with a child who had has anxiety etc due to autism..back in 2000 to roughly 2008 he was at school and I had to take him out of it because it was so distressing for him he would pull out all his hair he was drawing pictures of him.hurting himself or others and he was too young especially with asd to even express his he was feeling..it was to intervene and pull him out. There was no the support back then..we certainly didn't get it. So that's my perspective I mean I don't know if it's any better now..has any1 who has actually received the support for there child with autism got any help has anyone on here said anyone who has actual done it? It's all very well when u work in the profession but a different thing when you experience it as the person with a child with autism looking for help. I have heard how there is all thus funding and help left right and centre but to be honest we never saw any of it. In an ideal world if you can afford it I would actually say to home school BUT to make absolutely sure that the child gets social interaction in other ways as this is what they will miss if they don't go to school and that is likely the most important thing.

@lollipoprainbow Does DD have an EHCP? If not you should apply. If she does you need to ask for an early review as it isn’t meeting DD’s needs and needs amending to include more provision.

As an aside, if DD is unable to attend school full time with EOTAS parents can’t be compelled by the LA to facilitate or organise it. So parents don’t have to give up work.

has any1 who has actually received the support for there child with autism got any help has anyone on here said anyone who has actual done it? It's all very well when u work in the profession but a different thing when you experience it as the person with a child with autism looking for help.

Yes, I have 2 DC with excellent EHCPs including therapies, 1 with ASD and 1 with other complex needs. One has EOTAS and one with a high level of support in MS. If you read @lifeturnsonadime‘s posts she speaks from personal experience with her DC too. There is support out there, you have to fight for it though. It was Statements of SEN in the 00’s not EHCPs but support was there then too, but again parents had to fight for it.