Any consequences for saying "no thanks" to HV?

[roarfeckingroarr]

I understand HVs are a positive resource for some. My experience with my first was that every one I saw was useless - ill informed, outdated advice, weird opinions (you can drink as much wine as you like but no vodka... I mean...), patronising.

Second time around I want to say "thanks but no thanks". I have great midwives, great support, I'm educated and this isn't my first time. Those first weeks are busy enough without an intrusive and unwanted visitor?

Will they see this as a "bad thing" and demand to come over?

Unless there are other concerns, then nope. In fact its hard/impossible in many areas to access a HV anyway.

There was a recent thread about this you may find helpful

www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4671990-aibu-health-visitor-it-wont-be-looked-on-favourably?page=1

That's helpful thanks

I had a baby Aug 2020 who has never even seen a HV due to COVID so they can hardly claim to be essential now.

Thanks but no thanks is fine, with an I'll definitely contact you if I need you.

The HV I had for DS was useless and rude. She was 23. She read leaflets, couldn't answer questions, instructed me to breast feed and had zero empathy. I had infective mastitis. She didn't more harm than good.

I called her boss and said I wanted nothing more to do with the service. Her boss then got another hv to start ringing me up.

I made a formal complaint to the community health Trust as it was then and was told that the hv service was universally offered to all but there was no obligation to receive the service. I returned the red book and confirmed I never wanted to see another hv. When I was pg with ds2 and dd I wrote again when pregnant to confirm I wanted nothing to do with hv service.

A licence to print money imo for trained nurses who don't want to dirty their hands with actual nursing and would rather full out forms, inaccurately imo, and chat shit.

@RosesAndHellebores sorry you went through that. I totally agree and it's useful to know it's not mandatory.

Very weird thing to do🙄….red books do not come from HVs….they would have just put it in confidential waste….end of

They used to @kitcat15. My HV gave me.mine and said I had to take it with me every time I went to the clinic I was instructed to attend. She said it very slowly and golly the red book only had simple words and was very co fused about the application of average, mean and median but it would be extraordinary if a ficko mummy knew or cared.

i Don’t think anyone gives a flying fuck about red books these days🙄…they are provided by child health and distributed in the hospital by the midwife

As a healthcare professional who is not a HV, I can confirm that we always ask to see the red book if possible, as it shows us vaccinations, any complications etc. It's not just for the HV to write stuff in.

@IsItaCowIsItaPlane I was perfectly capable of keeping a personal record of my children's medical history. And it shoukd have been recorded correctly in their medical records in any event.

In any event of what…. Why would you think all health professionals have access to the same records?? 🙄….of course they don’t

This again 🙄 why do I get the feeling so many posters think they’re too middle class and clever
for health visitors? Just let them do their job and check on your baby.

Just to note, if you say no thanks, you’re still entitled to access their services at any point. They’re the gatekeepers for various referrals (eg speech and language - depends on your local area), so if you find yourself needing that further down the line you can always ring them and request assistance.

@Cuppasoupmonster you are missing the point that they have no actual right to check on anyone's baby. If I were concerned about either of my DC, I consulted an appropriately qualified doctor or paediatrician.

HV's are not the sole gatekeepers to referrals. I had so many friends with DC with glue ear and the he's response was "children catch up to the average by the time they are 7". Why should they have to catch up at all, and what if they are above average or may never be average.

Even when my DC were infants one had to pay to get optimal treatment and an HV was never going to refer privately.

@RosesAndHellebores and you are missing the point that in a civilised society professionals keep a loose eye on babies and children because not all parents are caring and suitable, middle class and clever or not. Just let them do what they need to do. Don’t make rejecting professional input the norm as that will backfire in all sorts of ways.

@Cuppasoupmonster it didn't feel like a loose eye to me, it felt very dictatorial.

If the state wishes to dictate, there is an obligation for it to ensure that the services it claims to provide are tip top. If not, it shouldn't dictate. I didn't need my patronising, 23 year old, incompetent HV to keep a loose eye on me thank you.

Very similar first/second child experiences. I found a firm but pleasant “no, actually, I’m fine” worked well second time round - they almost seemed relieved not to need to see me. I made it sound like I would definitely call if there were any issues etc.

That would be fine if so many of them didn’t peddle misinformation- the one I had for DC three told me it was impossible to eat enough to exclusively breastfeed for 6 months. When I pointed out I’d fed Dc1 for 16 months and DC2 for 12, very successfully she refused to believe me. Having said that my first one was lovely. It’s a lottery really.

The reason they push is that they are told they have to act in a safeguarding capacity.
They want to come & spy on your house to see what your babies living conditions are like & write a report about whether they think you have bonded with your baby, pay attention to their needs etc..

I've never met an HV who was worth the oxygen they waste breathing as far as health is concerned.
Any question I ever bothered asking (e.g. nappy rash is apparently way too complicated for a HV to have an opinion on) was met with 'ask a doctor' so what is the point of them?

HV is also fad led.
I remember when they advised every mother to bottle feed their babies Ribena.

There have been other fads since then & I'm sure there are more to come.
I think of HVs as the mental bimbos of the healthcare world.

With the amount of neglected kids in the U.K. an extra pair of eyes can only be a good thing. I don’t think the fact it offends your middle class sensibilities is a reason to refuse.

@Brokendaughter "the mental bimbos of the healthcare world". Classic genius

The tragedy is they are band 7 nurses and there are thousands of them - totaling about from apt to apt listening to the radio between appointments and generally wating time by being ineffectual. They could be utilised on the wards, doing actual nursing rather than filling out forms 9-5. It's a national scandal.

Absolutely not unless safeguarding concern. I have always found HV incredibly rude and pretty useless tbh.

But you don’t raise safeguarding concerns about your own kids do you?