Any consequences for saying "no thanks" to HV?

[roarfeckingroarr]

I understand HVs are a positive resource for some. My experience with my first was that every one I saw was useless - ill informed, outdated advice, weird opinions (you can drink as much wine as you like but no vodka... I mean...), patronising.

Second time around I want to say "thanks but no thanks". I have great midwives, great support, I'm educated and this isn't my first time. Those first weeks are busy enough without an intrusive and unwanted visitor?

Will they see this as a "bad thing" and demand to come over?

Ill never forget my first hv-she was amazing
she did everything she could to support teenage me with my first baby (and the next)and she had the measure of my narcissistic mother (who was as much help as a chocolate teapot)
we moved-I had baby number 3 and pnd-couldn’t get hold of a hv and the doctor was useless (I think my mother had been talking about me to the gp so I was treated like I was just ‘putting it on’)
im still scared by the lack of help
anyway,baby no 4 arrived and had pnd again
the one and only time I saw my hv-she came round,I promptly burst into tears and wailed that I thought my baby hated me (he was about 3/4 weeks old)
she laughed,patted me on the head and said ‘don’t be silly dear-babies don’t hate anyone at this age’ and walked out-and I never saw her again
i changed gps in the end,got the help I needed and never saw a hv again with the next babies

im still disgusted by her

I’m a FTM and have declined HV services. No problem, just a letter saying I can get in touch with them if needed in the future.

My first appt with them was scheduled for the same day the letter was written and sent. No one turned up in any case. Then a few days before my due date I had a text out of the blue to say they’d be at my house within half an hour. I cancelled that appt and declined their offer to rebook.

@ChiefFinderOuter absolutely sure. The letter confirmed she was a health visitor with the practice's hv team, she introduced herself as a health visitor and when I asked what experience had as an HV told me about her degree nursing course, a short period as a nurse on a ward and then her Co.pletuon of the post grad hv course. Her boss and the director of the community health Trust also confirmed she was a qualified health visitor. I made a formal complaint about the service.

She worked in hv/public health for about five or six years, had a family and is now a senior lecturer in public health at a post 92 University. God help us all but perhaps some of the problem is that those teaching this stuff have very limited practical experience.

No was definitely the HV she didn't even give much notice for first visit just called and said she was in the area and would it be alright to call in for an introduction ... I found her really nice, but she did seem flustered a bit. When she came back, baby was one week, she had mentioned her case load was heavy, her initial impromptu visit was just to get a head start. I don't live in a city & health resources in my county have always left alot to be desired. This baby is my 3rd & breastfeeding well with baby gaining. The csection was also my 3rd so I didn't have any questions, she made sure I knew how to care for the scar and went over some basic baby safety advice regarding sleep and such but by end of the visit she asked if it would be OK to discharge me. She said I seemed very happy and cheerful, baby was very happy and gaining. She had no concerns, but of course told me I could call her mobile number should anything change or even if I just wanted baby weighted. She said some mums find HV checks to be a little patronising when they have older kids and are well capable. I honestly think her case load was too much and maybe her time would have been better spent helping the mums that needed it.

@Cuppasoupmonster never heard that on MN ever. Rather the opposite - it’ll do them no harm to cry for a minute if they’re safe & warm then take a moment to breathe for your own MH. No one is advocating leaving a baby to cry for a lengthy period obvs.

Mmm, and anyone who thinks it's only middle class mothers who object to health visitors never met some of my pals from our Sure Start baby group.

maybe her time would have been better spent helping the mums that needed it.

This is why it's a universal service. Any parent can find themselves in need of support and advice. At least if you've met your HV at the birth visit, you might feel comfortable in contacting them rather than a complete stranger.

Just catching up with this. Thanks for all the responses
@Cuppasoupmonster it's not that HVs offend my "middle class sensibilities", it's that my experience of them to date has shown it to be a service I don't want or need. The HVs were rude, patronising and wrong.

The HV service seems to vary massively. I have a newborn and the HV has only been round to weigh baby. They're coming back to weigh him again in 2 weeks. No weird advice or opinions, just compliments about baby and praise for my breastfeeding.

This was a midwife..,you’ve got confused…..HVs have targets ,..they meet those by visiting at 10 to 14 days…no HV would visit before this….also HVs can’t discharge you…..your child will stay in their caseload u til they go to school ( whether you want them to or not…..even if you choose non engagement) ….and HVs don’t get involved with looking at scars.

Inevitably HVs will vary. I found one really irritating. Baby was born in heatwave and she kept telling me to add bottles of water after bf so baby did not dehydrate and would not accept that I was drinking like a fish to pass on the fluid to baby, who was not the least dehydrated - my doctor OH might have spotted if she had been!!

There are a fair few stories of bad advice. I’m not sure why it’s a feature. For every woman saying I didn’t follow it others may have and some sounds harmful.

Not sure why training doesn’t standardise and remove personal tales re babies

I see this all the time about health visitors. I have 5 children. Admittedly my youngest is 14. But my health visitor was amazing. I was struggling with a health issue when my second was born and she was fantastic. When I had my twins, she was great in helping them into speech therapy when everyone else tried to palm me off.
I saw a post on fb from another mum saying the health visitor had passed. I was genuinely sad. As were a lot of other mums from the comments.
The world needs more like her.