Any consequences for saying "no thanks" to HV?

[roarfeckingroarr]

I understand HVs are a positive resource for some. My experience with my first was that every one I saw was useless - ill informed, outdated advice, weird opinions (you can drink as much wine as you like but no vodka... I mean...), patronising.

Second time around I want to say "thanks but no thanks". I have great midwives, great support, I'm educated and this isn't my first time. Those first weeks are busy enough without an intrusive and unwanted visitor?

Will they see this as a "bad thing" and demand to come over?

I don't consider some 23 year old silly kid to be a 'health professional', and I wouldn't be taking their advice when as a first time mum I was older and much wiser than they.

@Cuppasoupmonster and @NCFT0922 - there have been many threads from posters who have found health visitors actively harmful to their mental health or found they have dangerous outdated advice. There was a thread on here last week where a woman got vaguely threatened with social services for turning down a 2 year check.

Instead of belittling “middle class” women or writing off the issues people have had with HVs, how about you think for a moment that perhaps there needs to be a change in the system. Better and more frequent training, actual listening of the feedback women are giving and changes to the working culture of HVs. The NHS loves to stick its fingers in its ears to any perceived criticism.

Like in all professions, some are rubbish and some are absolutely fantastic.
DS1 - HV not so great, I exclusively expressed and she told me my supply would never meet demand... well I showed her when my donated 200 9oz bags of BM and my boy remained at 98th centile for height and weight.
DS2 - the HV they sent was asked to leave my house on the prenatal visit. I spoke to my midwife and she recommended someone she thought would suit me, spoke to them and honestly this woman was a total godsend. Unfortunately she retired when DS was 18m! We have moved away from the area now.

There's good in bad in every profession.

My DD fell off the top bunk when she was 3, messing about with DS ! Broke her arm, chipped the bone so had to have surgery. The HV turned up some weeks later to check whether she was being abused, hadn't seen since she was tiny and said that obviously I hadn't hit her, she made an assumption that a middle class mother wouldn't do that! This was forty plus years ago!

Health visitors are bands 6 not band 7. Mine was brilliant, but obviously, as with any role, there are good and bad.

HVs have an important role in safeguarding, I think many MN posters have no idea of the chaotic lives many children are born into. I'm not an HV or a nurse, but can see that they can be an important part of childhood healthcare.

There does. But I don’t think this is a bigger issue than the one of babies and small children being neglected. If they don’t go to nursery, who does see them apart from family? Women’s mental health comes second to child safety, to me.

Do you mean she advised you feed your new born puréed food?

That sounds harmful in itself, but sure why someone connected to health service would say that

I don’t buy the safeguarding argument. Seeing a child a couple of times a year at a pre booked appt will not flag up abuse. Lots of them are clinic only so won’t see a home environment either. What about those HV’s giving dangerous advice? They are actively putting children at risk. Or those with a nasty attitude meaning women opt out and then get no help.

And what is the excuse in my trust where there was no health visiting service. If it was so vital for child safeguarding then why has my child never seen a health visitor “because covid”. The midwives put themselves at risk but the HV’s oh no. Wouldn’t even answer the phone, presumably covid actively stopped them lifting a receiver.

In my experience they have been a waste of money. Some nice well meaning ones but no real benefit and some rubbish ones. The worst told me that breastfeeding at 12 months was bad for my baby. Should have made a formal complaint but frankly I had enough on. She also kept on at me about baby's nappy rash and would not listen when I kept telling her we'd seen the GP about it twice and it always happened when he was teething. Left that appointment feeling like a complete failure.

If an HV wanted to see me, I expected a mutually convenient appointment to be made; if they instructed me to attend a grotty clinic, I expected a mutually convenient appointment to be made. There is a difference between attending and queuing through choice than being instructed to do so.

If I had concerns in relation to my DC I took them to the Dr and requested a referral to an appropriately qualified paediatric consultant. Notably dd's umbilical hernia, ds's bronchiolitis related asthma. Grommets for their ears after intractable ear infections. Certainly the heart and lung consultant had him sorted within the week, just by providing a spacer not provided on the NHS and clear advice re puffs and breaths rather than "hold the baby down and count to ten". Grommets were not available on the NHS in 1996 and 1999. The mantra was "ears resolve". They didn't for mine and once Grommetted they no longer had a rank ear infection on a monthly kr more regular basis. But it's OK for under 2s to suffer because their ears will resolve.

I think like in any profession they are a mixed bag. I remember being slightly weirded out by the one who visited after dc1 was born because she was so very insistent that I absolutely must get out to baby groups. Said it at least 3 times. I’d had a horrible birth, was struggling with a baby that wouldn’t feed, and leaving the house at all was a massive feat. I didn’t see why she was so obsessed with the topic, what baby group to go to seemed the least of my worries! In hindsight she probably- accurately- judged that I was at risk of post natal depression and that was her way of trying to ensure I got support.

There was also a lovely one who I used to see at clinic, where I took dc1 religiously to be weighed as he was bottom percentile and I was seriously paranoid about his weight. I remember her pointing out that he was tracking his (bottom) percentile almost freakishly accurately, and looking all 8 stone of me up and down and asking me - gently - what I expected from a child with my genes. Again, she clearly recognised that I wasn’t acting in an entirely balanced and healthy way.

I honestly don’t remember the HV I saw after dc2, where the whole post birth experience was totally different. Them not being memorable is probably as it should be though, if everything is fine.

So depressing to hear everyone’s HV stories. I’m a paeds nurse with over 15 years experience worked in paeds a&e, child development, general practice and mental health, was a breast feeding advisor and would love to be a HV but apparently don’t have the right skill sets for the course.

@Wishiwasatailor whatbskill set could my 23 year old hv have possibly had to do the course? She did a using degree then the hv course. Bizarre.

Do you think there’s a connection between the mental wellbeing of mothers and child welfare?

Do you also think that a HV visit necessarily entails a stressful interaction or do you think there are ways to mitigate or avoid this?

Do you think if HVs were better trained they might be more likely to gain access to children (as fewer mothers would find the visits unhelpful, unprofessional, intrusive, or actively harmful?)

I’ve never had an encounter with a HV but it’s really striking that the HVs on this thread are wilfully disinterested in the real-life experiences being shared (some of which are obviously shit and objectively unacceptable) and incredibly defensive. Ironic too that many of the accounts shine a light on a culture of sloppy/inconsistent standards, baseless condescension, lack of courtesy, an inability to reflect or consider feedback, and an tendency to dismiss and belittle mothers, including on the basis of assumptions and prejudices around class.

And as if to illustrate the point, here you are, doing almost all of those things on this thread.

I think it’s a mixed bag, the health visitor I saw when DD was born was absolutely lovely but I went along to a clinic they ran when I was pregnant and they came out with some absolute guff- “breastfeeding makes your baby 70% more intelligent!” was one and “they didn’t have formula in dinosaur times!”

Crikey

if they instructed me to attend a grotty clinic

You do sound like you think you’re rather better than everyone else. Well, you crack on.

Are you sure she was a HV? I’ve seen a fair number of maternity nurses/ assistants carrying out roles that health visitors also carry out. Typically at baby clinics / weigh ins, if I recall. Can’t remember their exact job title but I know they weren’t health visitors.

👏👏👏👏

My hv is lovely. Told me she weaned one of her babies at 4 months. Would never expect a hv to admit that.

Community nursery nurse is the title I was looking for. They did a lot of the ‘health visitor’ stuff when my children were small.

HVs are a mixed bag. Some lovely and supportive and others unhelpful. Direct words from a HV to my friend recently: 'breastfeeding is the best form of contraception' 😳🤔

I had a terrible experience with all HV's I met. And so have most people I know.

Told me off for keeping ds1 too warm, said my milk wasn't good enough and I should switch to bottles, missed he was tongue tied.

Ds2 screamed constantly and she had no advice. Missed again the tongue tie. Then missed again The tongue tie hadn't been cut properly at the hospital. Told my Dh she had concerns About me and was thinking of referring me and consider me depressed even when DH pointed out to her very calmly that my Edinburgh test showed I was not not depressed at all. He argued that I was not depressed, was perfectly happy, but was sleep deprived because ds2 was screaming all night, off and on. She disagreed.

Some of then I couldn't afterwards fathom what their objective was.

"the mental bimbos of the healthcare world". Classic genius.

Really made me laugh.

Yes you bloody do! Don't listen to MN, chase your dream OP and change the tide