How the upper middle class live

[LisaJool]

Apologies for yet another class thread but I find this fascinating. Off the back of a thread I started watching a TV series about British aristos and their stately homes. This lead to other YouTube videos and a podcast.
Some observations I made:

1. The women all have great bone structure with the infamous MN UMC swooshy hair.

1. A lot of "sleepless nights" and hand wringing about how they can maintain their homes, which they are "custodians" of. Many have had to do tours/homemade jams/souvenirs to try to bring in extra money. But, their dc go to private schools - surely the first thing you'd do is remove them from that to save money or get rid of the ponies?

1. Re decor, lots of chintz like you'd expect in lovely formal rooms but their kitchens look like something Kim and Aggie need to tackle. Clutter covering all available workspace, books, riding gear, pet bowls etc, lots of knick knacks. Someone on another thread stated that the 'clutter free' movement is a class thing, with it being a LMC to working class thing. Not sure if this is true but interesting all the same.

I don't know anyone who is truly UMC as in old money or landed gentry types. For those who are acquainted, what are they like and how do they live?

Is this true? Could you tell me a little about this, please? I don't know much about these old, aristocratic families but do find them very interesting.

Aristocrats might live in stately home; the upper middle class do not. Pared back interiors are not lived in by the upper class because they have better taste.

This thread feels quite nasty - imagine if a similar one was made about "lower working class"
ILs are definitely UMC (not landed gentry but know people who are) - MIL shops in Lidl and buys frozen fish fingers for breakfast. They're people just like any other.

I would describe landed gentry as upper class and the royal family as royalty. Upper middle class to me would be second or third generation professional (eg solicitors or doctors).

So for the UC each generation pays huge amounts in school fees for usually 4 children. Definitely dogs, possibly ponies and large house, but house overseas is more a MC thing. Food is home made and utensils ancient. Clothes are expensive but can be decades old. Things are mended.

Royals are not merely upper class!

…in a stately home…

The flip side of the 'why do they go to private school' when they say they are short cashed is that I can't understand why well off people who can afford private school don't!

Stayed in an acquaintance's manor house last year. It had been chintzy when she bought it. She modernised it. It now looks far more stylish.

And ordinary.

That sounds more like upper-lower middle or even possibly lower-upper middle.

Upper class I think are only those with titles going back hundreds of years and usually an estate which goes with the title and lots of ancient oil paintings of ancient relatives going back for centuries. Drives a battered car often full of mud. Dogs are usually labs, pointers, or spaniels of some description - sometimes terriers. UMC are similar but without a title in the family. Generally inherited wealth and have a trust fund and their children have trust funds and they don’t need to work at all. They often have a house with a croquet lawn and at least one tennis court and a summer house abroad somewhere. Some doctors and professionals fall into UMC and work for the enjoyment, challenge, and contribution to society rather than the income. Most doctors and professionals though are solidly middle class.

Everyone else with a white collar professional job falls into the middle class and then blue collar and trades fall into working class. You cannot buy your way in - there are footballers who are still working class even with a mansion and kids in private school. Class is a weird thing.

Sure. The skinter ones.

But I think you have to get it out of your head they are poor. They aren’t poor. They don’t expect you to take it literally. It’s a code. It just means nor especially cash rich.

Any upper class gentry types I've met are obsessed with dogs. The kitchens are absolutely full to brimming with old China and le cruset and just stuff. They prefer stiff bracing walks with the dogs to booking holidays.

Upper class and upper middle class are very different things, upper class includes aristocracy. Upper middle is just wealthy middle class folks.

my next door neighbours are upper middle. 4 million pound house, very old money, top private school educations, 15 acres of land, but they aren’t upper class, they don’t live in a stately home, they don’t worry about paying their bills, they don’t have to make jam, there is no chintz in sight (it’s actually very tastefully done by an interior designer) and no, they are not landed gentry or aristocracy either.

What you describe is upper class, which is actually landed gentry and aristocracy. And yes they can act a bit skint at times, upper middle seldom do. They have the money and you will know it. Every single time you will know it.

MIL is from this world. She married out of it. Her siblings continue to live in stately homes.
From what I've seen, they are all bonkers. In my MIL's families case there are spiralling debts, addictions and severe mental health issues, which I assume is partly due to generations of inbreeding.
They have threadbare furniture and freezing cold homes full of priceless antiques. You wear a pair of boots with thick socks and a huge jumper indoors - you'd never walk around in just your socks as the floors are so cold and not very clean.
They eat simply - lots of stews and casseroles. Meals incorporate produce grown on their land. But there is lots of pomp around who sits where at the dinner table - it's boy girl boy girl and, at larger functions, you are put next to people you don't know to encourage mixing.
They give each other very simple christmas and birthday presents - a pair of luxury socks, a book etc.
They drive battered old cars around the estate, but might have a driver to take them to events in a Rolls Royce.
They are totally out of touch with modern music, films and TV.
Their kids attend private school, go travelling for a few years and then land some fabulous job working for a hedge fund or the Foreign Office, using social connections.

I used to work with the daughter from the Big House in our village when I was 15. We ran out of sandwich bread (worked at the tea room on their land) so she legged it home to pinch some from their kitchen, and it was proper cheap white sliced 😆 Tickled me at the time.

They’re a really nice family. I have to say all of the genuine old school Aristo poshos I’ve ever met have been really really nice, open, fairly bonkers people. Slightly detached from everyone else’s reality, but definitely not without their own problems. “Ours” (only just) keep the house going by opening up for visitors, farming, having a tea room, lovely wedding venue and being a fairly frequently used film location. They live in one small, chaotic end of the house, the rest of which is a (fraying) Elizabethan timewarp 😫 I think it’s probably a massive nightmare being responsible for a house like that.

They may not phrase it quite like that, but there is certainly an attitude that poor people starve their children and can’t adequately parent.

I've nursed UC and people who have money. There is a massive difference in intelligence, manners and breeding. The UC families are the nicest people I have ever met. With the MC or UMC so much gives their background away. I'm working class but I find it all fascinating too.

The women all have great bone structure with the infamous MN UMC swooshy hair.

disagree about the bone structure but normally do have coiffed hair & very thin.

A lot of "sleepless nights" and hand wringing about how they can maintain their homes, which they are "custodians" of. Many have had to do tours/homemade jams/souvenirs to try to bring in extra money. But, their dc go to private schools - surely the first thing you'd do is remove them from that to save money or get rid of the ponies?

A private education comes before all else. Plus there is a thing of down playing the wealth, probably harks back to the old days where they had to keep the peasants in line.

Re decor, lots of chintz like you'd expect in lovely formal rooms but their kitchens look like something Kim and Aggie need to tackle. Clutter covering all available workspace, books, riding gear, pet bowls etc, lots of knick knacks. Someone on another thread stated that the 'clutter free' movement is a class thing, with it being a LMC to working class thing. Not sure if this is true but interesting all the same.

Yes

I've nursed UC and people who have money. There is a massive difference in intelligence, manners and breeding. The UC families are the nicest people I have ever met. With the MC or UMC so much gives their background away.

😆😆

Same here, this manor owner is second in line & didnt get the castle in ruins.
His mother filled the whole of below stairs in concrete to save on heating !
It's tatty,cold & charming.
The husband farms, wears his kids hand me down jumpers with holes.
His wife cooks constantly for dozens of family friends & guests.
The outbuilding are converted into rentals,
He does have a car collection however.

I can confirm I was at Holkham Hall (enormous pile in Norfolk) once when the Asda delivery van turned up.

Thanks to those who have replied. Yes I must mean UC then. For those who think it's nasty - it's really not - I'm truly fascinated after watching the programme. I have no need to start a thread on how the WC live, because I am from a WC background and know. I have zero proximity to the UC however, so I haven't got a clue.
'The code' is very interesting and I'd love to know more. I watch the American Viscountess and she was saying it's a complete no no to speak to anyone whilst seated at a dinner. The host leads by speaking to someone on their light or right, then everyone follows suit. At the next dinner course you have to change to the other side. Imagine not being able to join in a conversation with someone across the table just because it's convention.

Yes I’d agree with this

@LisaJool what was the show please? I'd like to watch it now :)