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Original poster

Do you worry about your adult children not having their own kids?

149 replies

Username7853377 · 31/10/2022 17:20

I'm late 30s, happily married and childfree. My mum has said a few times that she's sad I'm not having kids and worries about my future with no adult children of my own. I'm very close to my mum, and I can see how much she enjoys having a family later on in her life, but kids are definitely not for me.

I just wondered how common this was? If you have children who have decided not to have their own kids, do you ever worry about them?

OP posts:

Theeyeballsinthesky · 31/10/2022 17:32

Neither me or my sister have children (though not by choice) and I know my mum worries about us.

as she’s got older we have stepped up to help with lifts to doctors or other medical appointments as she can’t drive or sorting out things online or helping with little things around the house that are a bit much fir her now. She worries we’ll have no one to help us in that way if we need it

BIWI · 31/10/2022 17:33

I worry about my DC - neither of whom has a partner, and neither seems very bothered. But then that's about me. I would love to be a grandparent!

At the moment, as long as they're happy, that's most important. (They're both male, so it's perhaps not as pressing as if they were female). What they want, how they're choosing to live their lives, is more important than what I want. Sadly!

MissHavershamReturns · 31/10/2022 17:34

No! I worry about my dc if they DO decide to have kids.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families

FionnulaTheCooler · 31/10/2022 17:35

I wouldn't blame my DD at all if she decides not to have any of her own, the way we keep being told climate change is going to severely fuck things up for future generations. Who knows where we will be in 10-15 years when she's old enough to start thinking about it seriously. I've told her it's entirely her choice and she isn't to feel under any pressure from me to "produce" grandchildren.

Hbh17 · 31/10/2022 17:36

Being childfree is great, and absolutely nobody else's business - especially the putative grandparents! Even if I had had kids, no way would I want or expect them to look after me in my old age, so that's a non-starter.

RampantIvy · 31/10/2022 17:37

No, not at all. DD hates babies and has no intention of having any. I'm fine with that.

She is 22 and gets fed up with people telling her that she will change her mind. I don't think she will. She never liked playing with dolls and she has never been interested in anyone esle's baby. As far as she is concerned they make too much noise.

AuntieMarys · 31/10/2022 17:37

One of mine does not want dc at all, the other does. Both are happy. You don't need children to live a full and satisfied life

RampantIvy · 31/10/2022 17:43

You don't need children to live a full and satisfied life

I agree.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 31/10/2022 17:48

Th only thing that would have worried me, would have been if they had wanted babies and were unable to have them, went through endless fruitless IVF etc.

One dd has 3 (started late 30s) , the other has none and doesn’t want any, but is happily partnered.
As long as they’re happy, that’s always been my only concern.

LovelyBitOfSquirrel69 · 31/10/2022 17:50

MissHavershamReturns · 31/10/2022 17:34

No! I worry about my dc if they DO decide to have kids.

😂 me too

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 31/10/2022 17:51

My mum worries about my sisters, both in their 30s both single and both with a long term health condition which may make having kids later in life more problematic.

she goes on about it a lot. She can’t seem to get her head around them not actually wanting kids. My brother I have them, so it’s not like she has no grandchildren.

VimFuego101 · 31/10/2022 17:52

I worry about what happens if they do - the thought of how the world will look in terms of climate change 40 years from now is very frightening.

Slig · 31/10/2022 17:52

My older two in their thirties don't have kids and I definitely don't worry! In fact I'm envious!

I'm not understanding why they would worry?

SallyWD · 31/10/2022 17:55

My eldest is only 12 so I can't say how I'll feel if they don't have children. I suspect I'll be fine with it. I want them to live lives that are fulfilling to them. Maybe that will mean having a family or maybe they'll live in a cottage with lots of cats or spend their lives seeing the world. As long as they're satisfied with their lives then I'm happy.

StillSmallVoice · 31/10/2022 17:56

Mine are in their thirties and showing no signs of having kids. Someone was bragging about her clever offspring the other day who had managed to procreate. She was being a bit sympathetic/pitying of my lack of grandchildren.

Not bothered one little bit. I want them to be happy, and they are both very happy in their relationships.

Also, I am looking forward to retirement in the next few years and want to be free to do whatever I want and do all the things I haven't been able while working full time bringing up kids, worrying about money...... I really, really don't want to be put under pressure to provide free childcare. I think I have done my bit.

ancientgran · 31/10/2022 17:56

Only if it isn't their choice. Infertility is a horrible thing.

Heyahun · 31/10/2022 18:02

im More worried about the whole future tbh and the fact my kids might not even get to have their own kids with climate change and the bleak future we have ahead of us all :(

Tootyfilou · 31/10/2022 18:03

If it were my choice I would prefer my daughter not to have children. She’s worked extremely hard to achieve her career goal and motherhood will make things more difficult.
More importantly the global situation is appalling, climate catastrophe and a very uncertain economic future, the planet doesn’t need more people.

Ginger1982 · 31/10/2022 18:05

I would be happy if it was DS's genuine wish and choice and he had a fantastically happy life without them. Yes, I might feel a bit of a pang, but ultimately I want him to be happy. If he couldn't have any through infertility and was devastated by that, I would obviously be devastated for him and any partner.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 31/10/2022 18:06

Mine are early 20s so a bit young for me to be thinking like this, quite the opposite as I’m hoping they don’t get pregnant whilst not in a serious relationship.

However I hope I don’t become fussed if no grandkids appear … I just want them to be happy. I could see that might change in a decade or so when friends start becoming grandparents.

DoodlePug · 31/10/2022 18:12

I worry about if my children DO have kids, I worry about the world they'll be born into. We're only a few generations away from starvation by some measurements.

I also really struggled as babies and small children. I think I'd be the subject of one of those 'grandparents should help out more' threads 😆

Farmageddon · 31/10/2022 18:27

My mother said something years ago to me about the fact that I don't have (or want) children, but appears to be more accepting of it in recent years as she realises I'm not changing my mind. Plus both of my siblings have children, so she didn't miss out on grandkids.

Funnily enough, I am currently helping to care for my elderly father who has dementia, and my mother has other health issues, and it does make me think of the future and what mine may look like.
Not that it would make me want to have children, but I do know that having someone to advocate for me in later years would be a valuable thing, and from what I can see of my family and others I know, it's usually the grown up children (mostly daughters) that are relied on.
It means I will have to put in place back up plans in the future, but it's not a reason for me to have children.

WorkerBeeeee · 31/10/2022 18:39

I'm 40 and childfree. My mother says I have dodged a bullet. And she is far too busy to be free childcare. And would hate to worry about her grandchildren's future.

I've never felt the pressure from parents or society to have kids.

OldWivesTale · 31/10/2022 18:39

No, I'm worried they will have kids. I'd prefer them not to bring any into this shitty world; climate change is happening and it's only going to get worse. I'm worried for my children, I don't want to worry about my grandchildren too.

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 31/10/2022 18:41

MissHavershamReturns · 31/10/2022 17:34

No! I worry about my dc if they DO decide to have kids.

Same. State of the world now I don't want them to

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