Do you worry about your adult children not having their own kids?

[Username7853377]

I'm late 30s, happily married and childfree. My mum has said a few times that she's sad I'm not having kids and worries about my future with no adult children of my own. I'm very close to my mum, and I can see how much she enjoys having a family later on in her life, but kids are definitely not for me.

I just wondered how common this was? If you have children who have decided not to have their own kids, do you ever worry about them?

Indeed. It’s a very narcissistic way of thinking. So what if ‘hundreds of years of history’ of a family is ‘wiped out’? And anyway, it’s not being ‘wiped out’, it’s not being erased, the previous generations will still have happened, still be in official records etc, just not continued down through the generations. Why that’s a tragedy is beyond me.

I'll probably be 74 by the time my ds has his first child, that's if he has one early as well. I can't see myself doing any childcare or even bothered that much tbh. Not sure I will have the energy either. I'm focusing on my dc and that's where it ends for me.

My kids are teens so at the moment I am very much hoping they don't start having babies!

Longer term, on a personal level I would love to have grandchildren and be a hands on granny. But that's a selfish perspective - I wouldn't worry about my DC if they choose to be child free. It's completely their choice.

So in your opinion someone like Mother Theresa, or Theresa May (the shared name is a coincidence!), Eva Peron, women who (albeit controversial in many ways) have led lives that impacted on millions of people, have led less full lives than Emma who still lives in the town she grew up in and works a few hours at the local tesco extra, just because she's popped out a few kids?

I have to say I can't understand the view that not bringing kids into a world with 2 degrees C warming is "superficial".

DD is 30 and an only child. She has chosen not to have children and I'm fine with that. She's happy, fulfilled and has a job she adores...that's all I care about.

It's not doing the climate much good going on multiple flights a year. Don't pretend that the child free are living hyper eco lives en masse.

I think our attitudes to death affect how we feel about this. I feel like there's no need to fear death when you know your genes carry on and you're remembered into the next century.

But I get that some people don't care about anything after their own death.

Eh? I don't fear death. I fear that my grandchildren will be fighting wars for a bucket of water! Much good my genes will do them.

If they make a decision they are happy with then I don't mind either way.

The world is a different place these days, compared to when your mum had you. In her day, women without children would have been viewed differently.

I think our attitudes to death affect how we feel about this. I feel like there's no need to fear death when you know your genes carry on and you're remembered into the next century.

Why would you care whether your gees carry on or not, genuinely?

I'll probably be 74 by the time my ds has his first child, that's if he has one early as well. I can't see myself doing any childcare or even bothered that much tbh. Not sure I will have the energy either. I'm focusing on my dc and that's where it ends for me.

This.
We don't want kids, but SIL does. However, she's only just started to make plans in that direction, so I can see her having a baby at the back end of 2023 if she's lucky.
Her parents are in a permanent state of I'll health, pretty imobile and will be 76 and 74 by then - and live a 4 hour drive away, which absolutely exhausts them.
Many people won't be getting the hands-on, involved grandparent experience that they see on TV - even if their kids do produce grandchildren.

I feel like there's no need to fear death when you know your genes carry on and you're remembered into the next century.

I don't give fig whether my genes live on or not. I think that is such an arrogant view

But I get that some people don't care about anything after their own death.

Nope.

IMO, it shows a very fragile sense of self to be so desperate to ‘live on’ and ‘not be forgotten’. Why is that so important? Why is your time on earth, however long or short it may be, not enough in and of itself? Why this desperate need to ‘be remembered’?

Nope, I couldn’t give a fuck if any of my 3DDs have children or not.

Ive watched my sister get no end of weird, nasty comments from family members about her decision to never have children.

I cannot imagine why people feel so entitled over what someone else decides to do or not do with their body and life.

I worry about my DD having kids- with her fragile mental health I would be the one looking after them, and I’ve had enough of that.
I think Grandkids are a long way off - for my boys - and with the state of the world, that’s not a bad thing.
its sad, isn’t it?

I've done a lot of genealogy so yes it is important to me to carry on the traditions we've had. I can see similar personality traits to ancestors I never met.

The older I get and my dcs get the more I see we are our genes and how much that influences who we are.

I had a near death experience in my youth and I felt strongly after that that I couldn't waste the second chance I had at life. So for me life does have to have meaning and I'd feel that I'd wasted it if I left no legacy behind.

Oh please, so have I. There’s nothing you can ask about my three Great Grandmothers that I don’t know (they were alive until my early 20s), their parents, their siblings (I was a nosey child). As an adult, I went even further back.

It matters not a fucking jot.

You sound controlling as fuck, tbh. You have zero say in your children’s life choices. They are people in their own right.

People can leave a legacy in many different ways, if they wish.

Your comments are incredibly insensitive to people who cannot have children.

Gosh how old were you when you got pregnant? .... I do agree with you though....I was a granny at 50...I'm 57 now with 3 of them and they exhaust me

Given that the thread is asking for responses from people with adult children it's hardly relevant or fair to say it's insensitive to infertile people.

My adult dc want to have dc. I would worry about them if they didn't. I've had conversations with them about not leaving it too late and risking infertility.

Some people choose not to have dcs. But it's not a choice anyone in my family has made. We value our shared heritage and want to continue our shared traditions.

My DCs don't consider my views 'controlling' and they are a better judge of that than some internet stranger who's projecting their own issues and insecurities onto my life.

My daughter has never wanted children of her own, she is and always has been very career focused.
She is now mid thirties and has been with her partner, now husband, since they met at university, he also doesn't want children.
They love babies and children, just not of their own.
I don't worry about it, I respect their choice.
I have grandkids via my other children so all is well.

One of mine has no children, and doesn’t want any, and no I certainly don’t worry about it, with what’s going on in the world now I don’t blame him

Well, I'm only just pregnant myself, but I'd be happy not to be a grandparent.

I knew I didn't want a big family when I read a thread on here about three kids plus partners plus children for dinner, and realised that that would be too many people for my liking.

@caroleanboneparte

I know it's a zombie post but I must say you seem utterly, utterly ghastly and inexplicably smug