Do you worry about your adult children not having their own kids?

[Username7853377]

I'm late 30s, happily married and childfree. My mum has said a few times that she's sad I'm not having kids and worries about my future with no adult children of my own. I'm very close to my mum, and I can see how much she enjoys having a family later on in her life, but kids are definitely not for me.

I just wondered how common this was? If you have children who have decided not to have their own kids, do you ever worry about them?

If asked by my adult children (or my younger ones) I would say I recommend them not to have any. I do truly believe that the world as we know it is coming to an end and we shouldn't be having any more. With climate change and the inevitable movement of people from harder hit countries to Europe etc, resources will become scarcer and scarcer and it will make life so much harder for them if they have children to worry about too.
I can't imagine giving birth in the next ten years and what life will be like for adults in 20/30 years. Awful.

I am hoping they won't, because I think humanity is fucked. If I knew everything I do now years ago I wouldn't have had kids.

However, the choice is, of course, theirs and I will love them and do my best to support them no matter what.

How narrow-minded and ignorant a view.

I agree with you @sammylady37. I don't understand parents who live vicariously through their children.

They have had their babies. They need to let their children decide for themselves what they want out of life.

I would hate to be doing childcare now. I have done that, got the T-shirt and moved on.

My DS is only 14 so we're a long way off but I'd be very happy if he decided not to have kids. It's just getting more expensive and more stressful every year, I'm glad that I don't have young children any more and don't have to pay and find childcare because it's harder than it was when I had a baby and that was only 14 years ago.

And there's no way I could help out with childcare for any potential grandchildren either. I'm single and low paid so will likely be working full time way into my 60s. I won't have time.

Of course there's going to be some child free people who do charity work etc, I've just never met any!

In my experience it's the mums who volunteer, organise community events, visit the elderly etc.

Child free blokes seem to have very intense hobbies, gaming, cycling etc. The women are forever doing home renovations and booking holidays.

Having dcs is a contribution to society. Why should my dcs pay for the pensions of the child free, when they have had every opportunity to earn and save for themselves without having to pay out the hundreds of thousands of pounds my dcs have cost me?

And maybe if you come from a big family you have nieces, nephews, cousins dcs etc to invest in but I don't have any of that. I've had to have dcs or there'd be nothing left of my whole family! I'm not going to wipe out hundreds of years of history.

carolean you must have a very narrow circle of friends if you've never met any child free people who do charity work? . DH and I had our DS very late in life (mid 40s) before then we were running Scout groups, volunteering, driving old people around etc etc. Many of my friends are child free/grandchild free and do huge amounts of volunteering in the community (so do people with DC & DGC of course). And I don't know any child free blokes who sit around gaming/cycling ... I am sure they exist because so many mumsnetters seem to be married to them but the child free men I know are much more into volunteering and helping others.
My own DB is child free, in his 50s, and has done lots of volunteering with vulnerable young people (cue numerous DBS checks and comments of course) and continues to be a great help to his elderly neighbours,

I've had to have dcs or there'd be nothing left of my whole family! I'm not going to wipe out hundreds of years of history.

Why would that be such a tragedy?

In my experience it's the mums who volunteer, organise community events, visit the elderly etc

Not sure where you are looking but I’ve known a few single, child-free older women that do lots of charity work.

I have never understood the desperation to have grandchildren. It’s not our decision and we certainly shouldn’t push it.

I have 3 DC (now 18, 21, 23) and none of them want kids and that’s completely fine with me.

Agreed.
Live my kids but think a child free would have been equally brilliant.

If mind have them or don't, it's their call and I'm not vested one way or the other.

@caroleanboneparte

What an unpleasant and judgy post

I hope my children would be utterly ashamed if I commented like that

Ghastly

I never understand the concept of someone ''worrying'' because another person is making the informed decision not to have children.

Their life, their choice. It is no one else's business.

Also the argument ''no one will be there to care for you in your own age'': that also happens to people who have children. ..

Anyone who has kids so that they can have someone to wipe their backside in their old age is having kids for the wrong reason.

No-I’d be far more worried if they felt pressured to have kids when it isn’t really their thing.

I don't think anyone expects their DC to wipe their arse.....its the little things ....like I arrange my mums health appointments.( shes hard of hearing so struggles)...sort her online banking and bills ( she struggles with IT....takèher out for countryside drives and meals ( she drives but only locally) .....take her on holiday ( she has no one to go with now and would struggle with airports etc ) .....powerwash her flags ( she can Potter in the garden but other things too stenuous) ......deep clean her house ( she doesn't see the dirt and cobwebs etc same as me ( but day to day shes fine) .....i take my GGC to visit which brightens her day.....I do all this for love .....if she didn't have me she would manage , but not as well and not have such a fulfilling life..... I'm 57 now and just this last 2 years have seen my own DD now looking out for me ( not that I need it yet!) .....I see my GD asking if they can help mummy when she's not well.....its just family caring for family.....family is everything to me...so without the next generation I would find it a bit sad.... .but definitely each to their own....I was a Granny at 50 so never really thought about ...Will I or won't I have GC....they just arrived

I work with older people in a professional capacity and this is a concern of lots of people whose adult children support them, as they see them being alone with nobody to help. But nieces and nephews step in, godchildren, friends, neighbours, groups from the church or mosque or Ladies' Circle or whatever.

Sometimes people have nobody to support them and that can be difficult if something needs to be done. But I've also worked with plenty of people whose children couldn't care less or make matters worse and are selfish and manipulative. Just because you have children it doesn't mean they will love you.

carolean - I remember once being told by a “friend” that childless/childfree ppl don’t have any empathy unlike mothers but here you are proving her wrong yet again. What a tone deaf judgemental twatty post

childless/childfree ppl are more likely to volunteer though maybe not (depending on their own histories) with activities involving children because it can be painful for them

childless/childfree ppl are also 30% more likely to be carers for their own parents

people without children lead full & active lives, they’re just different not lesser

Not having what you don't want isn't 'missing out,' either.

Why should my dcs pay for the pensions of the child free

I've been working since 1975. My taxes have contributed to the education, schools, dentists, medical care and everything else you and your children have benefited from. In return your children pay my pension, they contribute to the upbringing of generations coming after them who will pay THEIR pensions.

That's why.

This is me too!! I found the toddler years very tough and have no desire to repeat them.

I don’t worry about lack of children , DS has expressed a desire to have them mine is more about geographical location. None of our parents lived near us as they aged, just MIL left now. My FIL retired to Spain and my parents lived hundreds of miles away as does MIL.

We have one DS who will live wherever his career leads him, DH and I were the same. DH wants to move when he retires but we aren’t sure where yet. DS will have finished his degree and be a year in to his career. It will be either where I grew up or wherever DS decides to settle but if it’s somewhere we don’t like we won’t be going. A couple of my closest friends have retired very early back to our home town and my sister and two nieces and nephews still live there so that is my preference. It’s the Isle of Wight but there are some issues living there. You get cancer you will be going on the boat for chemo, lots of companies don’t deliver there and it can be a little backwards in some respects as well. A return with car is at least £100 so if you want to get off every month or so then factor in all the money for that.

My mum had 14 grandchildren between my very fertle siblings. She died just before I got married. I have been unable to have children and while I'm okay with it, I know she would have been heartbroken for me.

*fertile

"I've had to have dcs or there'd be nothing left of my whole family! I'm not going to wipe out hundreds of years of history."

You do realise you may never had the choice of having kids?

I'm not going to wipe out hundreds of years of history

I've got news for you. Future generations, starting with your kids, might not have children and there goes your 'hundreds of years of history.' What's so special about your lineage that it has to be preserved, anyway? families die out all the time and there's nothing you can do about it.