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Original poster

Do you worry about your adult children not having their own kids?

149 replies

Username7853377 · 31/10/2022 17:20

I'm late 30s, happily married and childfree. My mum has said a few times that she's sad I'm not having kids and worries about my future with no adult children of my own. I'm very close to my mum, and I can see how much she enjoys having a family later on in her life, but kids are definitely not for me.

I just wondered how common this was? If you have children who have decided not to have their own kids, do you ever worry about them?

OP posts:
Livelovebehappy · 31/10/2022 19:29

I selfishly would rather mine not have children because I just don’t want to become a child minder when I retire, which is what a lot of grans become.

MovingOnUpp · 31/10/2022 19:36

I do sometimes worry that my three DC won’t find that special person to spend their life with. I also worry when I’m gone who will help them with the things that I help them with now.
My DC are in their 30’s and 20’s.

RoseBucket · 31/10/2022 19:36

I worry re the opposite, my daughter is 18 and knows she wants children, she is at Uni, child focused career ambitions.

However she has health issues and had a lot of x rays growing up so I worry it won’t happen because I know she will be devastated.

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Families
Jellykat · 31/10/2022 19:37

Being a grandmother would be lovely, however DS1 (33) and his girlfriend do not want children because of climate change. DS2 (24) has never discussed it.
TBH i think i would be so worried for any family little ones, i couldnt bear it, so agree with DS1.

Farmageddon · 31/10/2022 19:40

RoseLemon · 31/10/2022 18:43

@Farmageddon I've had similar thoughts recently as I've been helping my elderly mum a lot with some big changes in her life as she's not been able to manage and I do wonder who will do this for me in similar circumstances. It doesn't change my decision about not to have kids but I think it will make me plan ahead more.

Yes, I will just have to be more proactive about having a good support network in place, and ensuring I have the funds to get carers in etc.
Also will be extra nice to my nephews and keep giving generous birthday/ Christmas presents so they remember me 😀

I suppose there is no guarantees in life anyway - many children live in different countries to their adult parents, and in my situation it's me and my sister who are the ones helping out our parents, while my brother has not been in contact for years.

AffIt · 31/10/2022 19:44

My OH and I are early-mid 40s and childfree by choice, both from an early age. We're also both senior professionals with very weighty pension funds and detailed wills / end of life plans.

Our respective parents are cool with this BUT we are both the youngest children of our generation (our siblings having done the heavy lifting GC-wise) and we are a very close and involved family on both sides, between siblings / cousins / niblings etc.

I think the attitudes may have been different were we the eldest / only children.

Tabbouleh · 31/10/2022 19:45

I would prefer it if they didn't.

catbirddogchild · 31/10/2022 19:56

Every generation down my mother's line has a single childless aunt. Not an issue always cared for in old age by a DN who does the running and arranging etc .
My brother is the childless unmarried one (does have a girlfriend but no plans / and too old to have children) in my generation. He has a great life lots of adventure type holidays, mortgage free etc. the only thing is he makes zero effort to even interact with his nephews and nieces so may find he doesn't have the family support in old age. He obviously isn't keen on children so as well he doesn't have his own. But no my mother doesn't worry about him, he has the funds to pay for help.

Cornishclio · 31/10/2022 20:02

Not at all. I have 2 DC. One is married with kids and the other is single with no kids. I just want them to both lead happy fulfilling lives. Lots of families live a long way apart so no guarantee that having DC means there is someone to look after you in your old age. I don't assume my DC will unless they are willing and able to. I certainly don't worry about something that may not be an issue. Lots of older people remain independent until the end.

Wheelyweddingwipedout · 31/10/2022 20:10

tunthebloodyalarmoff · 31/10/2022 18:41

Same. State of the world now I don't want them to

Show quote history

This ^^ - we’re already past the point of no return.

SmokedHaddockChowder · 31/10/2022 20:16

Well I live 3 hours from my mum and always will, and my sister lives overseas. So she's got 2 kids, but neither of us will ever be available to run errands or look after her.
I think any worry about not having kids would be misplaced.

Unseelie · 31/10/2022 20:17

Yes. I only have one DS and the thought of him choosing not to have children fills me with horror. Never again holding a baby I’m related to, being written out of the great evolutionary experiment that is humanity, and worst of all him never experiencing that incredibly intense and pure devotion of parent to child - shiver.

tunnocksreturns2019 · 31/10/2022 20:18

MissHavershamReturns · 31/10/2022 17:34

No! I worry about my dc if they DO decide to have kids.

Same!

Tromboncini · 31/10/2022 20:31

My DSis doesn’t have children. Combo of not met the right person and now age. She is very happy with her life; lots of friends, great job etc. She also happens to be a FABULOUS aunt, and that isn’t to say you have to be as a childless woman.

She’s long term single and whilst it would be nice if she found someone she wanted/worthy, we’re not worried as it’s her choice and she’s included in everything. We have other siblings with kids and will chat with her about parenting advice like she had kids (why not?, she says sensible things) just as much as we go for girls weekends and shopping.

Everyone and their circumstances are different. Doesn’t mean they’re not happy. If it was someone desperately unhappy that might be different. My parents aren’t worried as she’ll always have us siblings and the nieces and nephews without question.

SmokedHaddockChowder · 31/10/2022 20:31

Yes. I only have one DS and the thought of him choosing not to have children fills me with horror. Never again holding a baby I’m related to, being written out of the great evolutionary experiment that is humanity, and worst of all him never experiencing that incredibly intense and pure devotion of parent to child - shiver.

'incredibly intense' sounds about right for this post 😱

Joshanddonna · 31/10/2022 20:40

I don't care of my children have kids of their own. Even if people have children it doesn't guarantee they will help them when they're older. My neighbour has two children both of whom.moved to Australia. All through lockdown it was me who watched out for her.

DuesToTheDirt · 31/10/2022 20:45

My DDs both don't want children and due to climate change I'm quite glad about it. I'm not fussed about having grandchildren anyway, but by the time my DDs are my age the planet will be in a dire situation.

AskforJanice · 31/10/2022 20:59

No I really wouldn’t. In fact one of my children most likely won’t be able to have kids due to treatment for cancer when they were younger.

i love mine to pieces and cannot comprehend a life without them now they are here… however if I’d had any idea of the relentless stress, worry and at times gut wrenching fear involved, I don’t honestly know if I’d of had them. I think if I had never known different I could of have a very happy, much more carefree life

Chailatteplease · 31/10/2022 21:03

Yes! This has become a worry I thought I was alone in. Think it’s mainly because I’ve been quite broody, but it’s not feasible to have another. So I’m trying to look forward to grandchildren, but only have a chance of having them by 1 DC and if they decide not to, then no grandchildren. It almost makes me want to sod the circumstances and have another of my own.

DramaAlpaca · 31/10/2022 21:03

My three are adults but don't have partners yet. I don't ever think about them having children, I don't feel old enough to be a grandparent yet - even though I am. As for would it bother or worry me if they didn't, I don't think so tbh.

lifeinthehills · 31/10/2022 21:06

I don't worry about it at all. It's their decision and you can live a full life without children. I hope they don't regret it down the track is all. They need to make whatever decision is best for them. I just want them to be happy.

moanyhole · 31/10/2022 21:20

No I don't, I worry that they will have hardship, poor mental health issues, financial woes, that life will be harder with climate change. Couldn't care less if they have children or not, both options are fine in my book

Elphame · 31/10/2022 21:25

No not at all.

My DC are in their mid 30s, happily partnered up and showing no sign of making me a grandmother. That suits me just fine. If they want DC then they'll have them. The only time it would worry me is if they did want DC and were unable to have them.

RampantIvy · 31/10/2022 21:32

Huntswomanonthemove · 31/10/2022 18:56

Yes, my family means so much to me I would hate to see my offspring missing out on all that.

Your children aren't you and may not feel the same.

Ragwort · 31/10/2022 21:33

Absolutely not... I have no wish to become a grandmother. I think raising DC is incredibly challenging and I have a lot of respect for people who make a conscious decision not to have a DC.
And if my DS did have a DC and then turned out to be a useless Dad I would be very, very disappointed. Not saying he would, as my DH is a great role model as a Dad ... but you never know.

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