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Original poster

Do you worry about your adult children not having their own kids?

149 replies

Username7853377 · 31/10/2022 17:20

I'm late 30s, happily married and childfree. My mum has said a few times that she's sad I'm not having kids and worries about my future with no adult children of my own. I'm very close to my mum, and I can see how much she enjoys having a family later on in her life, but kids are definitely not for me.

I just wondered how common this was? If you have children who have decided not to have their own kids, do you ever worry about them?

OP posts:
Mosik · 31/10/2022 21:38

My mother worried about me not wanting children. When I changed my mind at 38 she was ecstatic.
I worry about DC2 who has always wanted children but partner doesn't want any.
I worry about DC1 who wants a big family but isn't in a position to have children yet.

DilemmaDelilah · 31/10/2022 21:40

I didn't worry about my children not having children of their own. I worried that they might not be able to, or might not have the opportunity to, have their own children if they wanted them. All my grandchildren are loved by me - but I didn't feel unfulfilled without them.

caroleanboneparte · 31/10/2022 21:41

I'm an only dc if my dcs don't have dcs our line will die out. I already have very few cousins, who have had only 2 dcs.

I'd be devastated if I had no dgc.

Plus I don't think it's a full life not having dcs.

I have friends who are middle aged enough to know they won't have dc. They have nice lives. But it's superficial. Cars and holidays are in no way a replacement for dcs imo.

Interested in this thread?

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Families
BreatheInFor4 · 31/10/2022 21:43

I’d love to think I’ll have grandchildren one day, but I won’t ever say that to my kids. Their lives are their own to do what ever they want with. If they don’t want children, I’m fine with that and support their choices. I might be a bit disappointed, but I’ll live! And I won’t put that on them.

MidnightConstellation · 31/10/2022 21:46

This is not a world to bring children into.

Loveatortie · 31/10/2022 21:48

I at one point wanted 4, big dreams of kids sat round the kitchen eating(i was about 14) reality, unexpected got pregnant at 37 after years off trying. Love my dd. I have no wish to be a grandmother yet in my 60's. My sister runs around like a blue arsed fly round her dc and grandchildren, absolutely no respite in her retirement. Picking up from school,nursery,sleepovers so the parents get a rest doing their housework/gardening blah,blah,blah

Perfectlystill · 31/10/2022 21:54

RampantIvy · 31/10/2022 17:37

No, not at all. DD hates babies and has no intention of having any. I'm fine with that.

She is 22 and gets fed up with people telling her that she will change her mind. I don't think she will. She never liked playing with dolls and she has never been interested in anyone esle's baby. As far as she is concerned they make too much noise.

I was like that at that age and have four now!

singlemomof3 · 31/10/2022 21:54

I'd be devastated if none of my children have children of their own.

expat101 · 31/10/2022 21:57

I don't worry about the kids aspect so much, but we hope she meets someone decent and loving who DD wants to spend her life with. She is a bit of a loner, but there's a good person there.

anyhow, early days yet, would just hate to think of her being sick, alone or frightened later on in life. (even though I'm well aware couples rarely die at the same time, but you know what I mean)..

RampantIvy · 31/10/2022 21:59

singlemomof3 · 31/10/2022 21:54

I'd be devastated if none of my children have children of their own.

Why?

allboysherebutme · 31/10/2022 22:01

My children 28 and 29. Don't have children if they don't want them. It doesn't bother me. The way the world is today I don't blame them. X

Deadringer · 31/10/2022 22:08

I have 4 adult dc all of whom are single, and I think it's unlikely that any of them will have children. I do worry a little about them, especially my ds as he is quite anti social and very likely to end up totally alone. But they have to live their lives their way, and in general I think single, childfree people are often healthier, richer and happier.

AskforJanice · 31/10/2022 22:08

caroleanboneparte I strongly disagree. I love my kids more than life itself but I am just as certain I could and would of had a happy fulfilling and a hell of a less stressful life had I remained child free. To suggest it’s about cars and holidays is incredibly patronising

TheLostNights · 31/10/2022 22:10

I was on the fence about having kids and still think my life would have been just fine if I had chosen not to have them. I would never assume kids are the route to happiness and that they will care for you when old.
I have a friend who is single, late thirties and I know her parents are devastated that she won't ever have kids as they desperately wanted to be grandparents. I feel sorry for her because she feels she is letting them down.

carpool · 31/10/2022 22:18

I have two grown up kids, one with their own kids one without (and no long term partner currently either). Both are happy with their lives which is all that matters.
Still worry about them all of course, that's just part of parenthood and never changes.

Dippydonky · 31/10/2022 22:21

Really interesting thread!

Im 38 and perched on the fence re having children. Mother drops ‘hints’ thankfully Dad has told her to stop it (at one point I told her to get a job in a primary school/nursery and to stop pressuring me!… the pressure is one thing putting me off!)

However I know two women in their late 50s /early 60s who don’t have children. Both are happy. And the one I’m closest to, I’d gladly help her with anything she needs…. I’m not her child, she’s not my mum, but she is my friend and I do care about her. People can foster relationships which are just as rich as the parent -child relationship (some more so…there are a lot of older people who have children who live miles away or don’t talk to them. And equally I know people who have had a parent walk out and leave when they were young etc.). Ultimately we all just need to put effort into developing real meaningful connections to people, whoever they are.

RampantIvy · 31/10/2022 22:24

Plus I don't think it's a full life not having dcs.

I disagree. Of course you can. There is much more to life than reproducing.

I have friends who are middle aged enough to know they won't have dc. They have nice lives. But it's superficial. Cars and holidays are in no way a replacement for dcs imo.

You seem to have a very narrow view of life. Childfree couples don't live shallow, superficial and meaningless lives where they spend a lot of money on things they don't need.

Now that DD is grown up and has left home I am very involved in a charity, I volunteer and vist people who are old, sick and lonely. Oh, and I still work.

soundsofthesixties · 31/10/2022 22:31

I absolutely love my teenage grandchildren, I would hate not to have any.

ellieboolou · 31/10/2022 22:34

I don't think it would bother me at all, as long as my children were happy and enjoying those lives, I'd be happy.

Weeboo · 31/10/2022 22:49

I'm 39, an only child, and have chosen to not have children. I've honestly never felt the urge, and I'm mentally too unstable (ASD/anxiety) to cope even if I'd ever wanted them.

My DM is devastated that I don't want children and never lets me forget it.

The guilt tripping has made me need to emotionally keep my distance from her.

Doublevision5 · 31/10/2022 23:03

I'm 32, engaged and me and my fiance have no plans to have children. I know my parents are sad about it. They'd be overjoyed if I did have a child, especially my mum.

My brother is married, he and his wife want children so hopefully they will have them and that will give my parents the grandchildren they want!

kitcat15 · 31/10/2022 23:25

soundsofthesixties · 31/10/2022 22:31

I absolutely love my teenage grandchildren, I would hate not to have any.

I adore my 3 GD ….I would hate to have missed out …..I’m 57 now….all my friends have GC….I would be sad not to have any

TheFormidableMrsC · 31/10/2022 23:54

RampantIvy · 31/10/2022 17:37

No, not at all. DD hates babies and has no intention of having any. I'm fine with that.

She is 22 and gets fed up with people telling her that she will change her mind. I don't think she will. She never liked playing with dolls and she has never been interested in anyone esle's baby. As far as she is concerned they make too much noise.

My DD, a couple of years older than yours, is the same. I'm supportive of whatever choice she ultimately makes in this regard.

Underhisi · 01/11/2022 06:25

Ds is severely disabled and will never have kids. Our worry is about what will happen to him after we are gone.

Jifmicroliquid · 01/11/2022 06:31

I’m the adult child who has chosen not to have children, though I’m currently having a bit of a crisis over that and wondering if I may have changed my mind.
DB recently had first child so my parents have finally become grandparents. My DM is over the moon as I think she thought it wouldn’t happen. I sometimes feel sad for her, because she has said that it’s different when it’s a daughters baby as opposed to a sons baby (I have no idea if that’s true, but it’s how she feels).
Sometimes when we are out shopping and looking at baby clothes for DB’s baby, my DM will comment jokingly that it’s just as well I don’t have one or she would be spending a fortune and spoiling it rotten. I think she feels like she doesn’t want to over step the mark with my DB’s baby, or seen to be too pushy or involved, whereas if I had one, I think she would feel differently. We are exceptionally close though so that might be why.