This is going to be controversial but...

[rosesarered95]

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

@Discovereads

Whether you believe me or not is entirely up to you, that you cannot think of other sources of income is not my problem. There were in fact
three sources of income- two of which many people on mumsnet are in receipt of.
There is also of course the loss of 25% single person discount on Council tax to be into account.
You do not know know us or our circumstances - I don't have to explain them on demand to random people on the mumsnet.
My maths are correct - believe me or not - not my problem

Parents are absolutely NOT entitled to nights out and holidays according to some on here!

that is selfish and self indulgent, you had your chance to do all that before you became a mother! Now the children come first!

I'm saying I find it odd that parents have no qualms about putting their kids in financial hardship whilst they spend thousands on holidays/cars/second homes etc

If kids are in financial hardship because they pay, say £100/week living costs there’s a bigger issue than being charged rent in that they couldn’t live anywhere independently.

If you mean they can’t go on nights out, go on holiday and save for a house deposit, that’s a different thing. I was taught to prioritise living costs above luxuries, which include nights out and holidays, I was also taught to save first then look at what entertainment I could afford.

It doesn’t actually matter what the parents do with the money, because the adult child is paying their own proportion of living costs albeit to the parents who pay from the household income. No wonder there are so many threads about financially useless partners when they aren’t expected to contribute to their cost of living.

Oh yes! Life stops when you have kids even when they are adults earning full time money 😆

This has got to be one if the stupid threads ever.

Just get a promotion, get a payrise, plan in advance.

No-one is saying that to parents with young children who can't afford to feed them and heat their house. But there's such a simple solution because Life always goes to plan and we all have a great education and the possibility of earning millions. Silly me.

My dd gives me £500 a month, she still has £800 left, she has saved £10,000. She is not a 1 to spend her money, as she has seen me struggle when she was a teenagers.

😂😂😂 Even when they are adults

that is selfish and self indulgent, you had your chance to do all that before you became a mother! Now the children come first!

Parenting does come first in nearly all families otherwise it would be dysfunctional. But parenting is not a prison sentence and families are entitled to manage their money and make Choices in the best way that suits them

Mine are 25 and 23 so not kids anymore.

My son is about to move home and he’s going to be paying rent. He’s been to Florida twice this year, he can afford £200 a month 🤷‍♀️ He’s saving himself £400 a month as he’s currently paying £600 in a shared house and he’s moving back so he can save a mortgage deposit. The £200 will cover things like extra electric/water/heating. I think it’s a bargain actually.

My son worked part time for 2 years. Between the ages of 16 and 18. I said he could keep all this money as I still received child benefit etc for him. He saved a fortune (for a teen) Then lockdown hit. He blew over 3500 lived the life of Riley. Then told me how out of order I was when he turned 18 i got no help for him and I needed to pay £50 a week rent as none of his mates had to pay rent so I was being unfair telling me I was making money out of my children (couldn't be further from the truth) He's now moved out (in with a mate in a dodgy sublet through mates mum) paying minimal rent there. Not having to get a full time Job because he has no real responsibilities to pay. He paid the rent but said i pay rent so i can do whatever i want have who i want i dont need to follow anyrules or do any chores as I should just pay for a cleaner out of his rent money and why should he do chores when he's never here (except to wash use toilet and make 3am food and leave it on the side (like coming in at 3am on a tuesday night and then sleeping all day with his girlfriend ) So actually not charging him rent and him getting used to having as much money as he wants for clothes alcohol weed takeaways and festivals has just made him entitled. Hope that answers your question OP!

Only if you're really skint, they are your kids, not lodgers! How are they meant to save for a deposit otherwise?!

@MrsAlexander My parents were exactly the same. Taught me about saving hard for something I wanted whilst still paying bills- then they gave it back to me when I moved and it bought so much of my furniture. I was beyond overwhelmed.

I think your missing the point. It teaches responsibility and that you don't get anything in life for free and managing money. I had to pay rent and I will do the same for my son when he's older. As well as paying rent I saved my arse off and bought my own house (with my boyfriend) at 18 (I was on minimum wage and he worked part time at the time) the problem these days is everyone expects to be able to buy a 500k home at 18 without any effort and maybe if parents taught kids that you have to pay your way through life there wouldn't be so many selfish entitles young adults today. I'm not 28 on to our second bigger home just had an extension and have a 3 year old son.

Charge the rent people, teach your children how to budget. I paid 10% of my wage to my mum and dad they thought it only fair to do it this way so to not put one child out with a set amount.

Maybe because young adults don't fully understand the costs of living. We do it to teach them how to budget and live within their means. No one or at least I don't know anyone that charges full. Normally a small amount of the wage goes towards the food and electric etc. We got the keys to our 2 bed semi detached house as soon as hubby turned 21. We both had to pay our way at our parents houses. We learned how to pay our bills and how to still enjoy ourselves. Still was a shock at how much it cost with all the bills but it set us up for life having been given these important life skills. I make sure I do the same for my children. My 14yr old already knows he gets a job and his very first wage is his own but after that he has to pay a little something towards his food etc.

Thetes no one answer..
Charging to teach budgeting is just nonsense. Charging to make life affordable after benefits reduce I'd entirely different.

That whole budgeting idea is simply ridiculous. A reasonably bright young person understands there are bills associated with adult life.

Taking money away doesn't actually teach them anything. It is controlling and a bit unreasonable if they are not working full time in a well paid job.

.Expecting to be subsidised by a 16 year old is stingy, at best. Expecting a 29 year old on 50k to contribute is very reasonable, unless they see only home for a fortnight's leave.

Saving for your child is so controlling. Perhaps if a young child performer earned a thousand a month, but as a seventeen year old who works part-time alongside study, it's mean. Controlling and mean. Even if you give it back to them. That's not teaching them to budget, it's showing them they are not able to make sensible life decisions themselves.

My mother took bare minimum ‘rent’ from her son when he lived at home. He stayed there until he was 30 and had no intention of leaving home. Only because she remarried that he had to move out. He earned a fortune and was content to see her struggling financially as a single parent all that time whilst he frittered large amounts of cash on anything he wanted. He didn’t save a penny.

he ended up renting a bed sit and when he eventually moved in with a girlfriend he was financially abusive towards her.

he Never learned about paying his way in life, largely due to not being made to when he started earning his own money.

ILoveMyCaravan
It doesn't sound like your brother has a money management issue. It sounds like he is a selfish arsehole who was abusive to his girlfriend.

Charging a child rent to live at home in early adulthood doesn't give someone a personality transplant.

@LolaSmiles
Did you miss the bit where he was also financially abusive to his own mother? As an adult earning a huge wage he was happy to watch her struggle whilst living with her, being fed, all utilities paid for. She allowed him to behave like that so it was ingrained in him by the time he had to leave home.

@CaronPoivre

Thetes no one answer..
Charging to teach budgeting is just nonsense

I love this! There’s no one answer,…

Then proceed to tell those who charge rent as part of an exercise to budget and have a sense of financial responsibility that their doing it wrong.😂

Forgive me if I feel young people are not reasonably bright when it comes to having more money after having none. I know this because I witness adults not saving, whilst wanting. Just doing something basic like ensuring they’re not paying £75+ pm for a mobile out of contract and not upgrading unless necessary. Do we really need a new phone after two years? That silly example was someone saying they wanted to save for a bigger house, is a professional (high 5 figures), married and a parent, whose parents were financial advisers who bought their first property. The parents never understood why their child didn’t get it. Neither did I. They and their spouse were not young adults. Both paid not even nominal rent when they were at home.

To each their own but I find it strange when middle aged people are paying for their married children’s mobile phone and breakdown cover. Fgs sake they’re married and no longer live at home and are in their 30s. I keep coming up with more real life people who are not Young adults who are bright EXCEPT when it comes to fiscal responsibility. Makes me wonder if Truss and Kwarteng paid rent.

Did you miss the bit where he was also financially abusive to his own mother? As an adult earning a huge wage he was happy to watch her struggle whilst living with her, being fed, all utilities paid for.
She allowed him to behave like that so it was ingrained in him by the time he had to leave home.
I didn't miss it at all.
I said he is a selfish arsehole and abusive.
I don't think he had a money management issue from not being charged rent at 18.

You said
he Never learned about paying his way in life, largely due to not being made to when he started earning his own money

His selfish and abusive nature didn't magically appear because he wasn't charged rent at 18. That's a personality issue.
Him being charged rent in early adulthood wouldn't have given him a personality transplant.

If he is the sort of person who will be financially abusive and see his mum struggle then that's a personality issue, not a money management and the idea that a parent can prevent a child being abusive by charging rent at 18 is laughable.

I saved my arse off and bought my own house (with my boyfriend) at 18 (I was on minimum wage and he worked part time at the time) the problem these days is everyone expects to be able to buy a 500k home at 18 without any effort

Well this is just nonsense.

I call bullshit.

Break this down for us. How much was the house? How many hours were you working? When did you start saving? How much was the rent?

We haven’t and won’t charge our kids to live with us. It hasn’t stopped then being independent and responsible. Our oldest bought her own house last year at 26, she saved a big deposit over 5 years living with us rent free and is great with budgeting.

Her friends that are paying rent to parents haven’t saved enough for a deposit so are either still living with parents or have given up saving and have moved to rented where they stand no chance of saving for a deposit.

Spoken from a true place of privilege.

I'm a lone parent that is only able to work part time due to health issues. When my kids turn 18 I stop getting maintenance, child benefit, tax credits and housing benefit for them. All my household costs stay the same, but I suddenly lose any all the money I rely on to feed & clothe and keep a roof over their heads. I either charge my children rent or kick them out and sublet their room to a lodger.

OP has said her question isn’t directed at people who need to charge rent to be able to afford to live. It is for those who can afford not to charge rent but still do.