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Original poster

This is going to be controversial but...

543 replies

rosesarered95 · 27/10/2022 10:12

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

OP posts:
LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 22:51

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 22:49

No, they sound lovely. It’s you who is selfish.

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@Perfectpeace

Ok 👍

Ellie1015 · 27/10/2022 22:51

I would not have saved when i was young. I would have got used to having all my wages to spend on myself. Luckily when we bought our first home bug deposits were not required.

I do not need to charge my child rent, but I will so they are used to paying bills. I will give it back to them as a gift at some point.

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 22:54

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 22:36

@Perfectpeace

surely you wouldn’t argue against the above?

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its been pointed out ad nauseum that people who need the money are not the ones being discussed. It’s people like you who say they don’t need it but take it I think is wrong.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General money
LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 23:04

@Perfectpeace

there’s lot of people on here who don’t need it as they won’t starve without it but still take it cos their son or daughter can afford it and has plenty of money left over

Smudges16 · 27/10/2022 23:07

All of my friends who were charged digs are terrible with money. They get too excited by anything they have left over afterwards and blow it all rather than save it, or they still live at their parent's house because they never had enough at end of month to save. I don't think it helps people manage money at all.

I bought shopping in, helped round the house etc, but my mum always said it was my home and wouldn't take dig money. I worked and stayed at home and banked my wages until I bought a family home at 23. My mum was really supportive and it means now she doesn't need to offer me any support.

happinessischocolate · 27/10/2022 23:09

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

My mum charged me a 3rd of my salary from when I started work at 16. I bought my first property at 18 🤷‍♀️

Some people have to charge their kids as they lose child benefit and housing benefit.imagine losing 900 per month benefit and still having to pay £1500 rent out of your pay and your kids earning and not contributing.

TambourineOfRepentance · 27/10/2022 23:11

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 23:04

@Perfectpeace

there’s lot of people on here who don’t need it as they won’t starve without it but still take it cos their son or daughter can afford it and has plenty of money left over

And I think we've concluded that they'll be shot against the wall at dawn.

The people who absolutely couldn't manage without the contribution of the OTHER WORKING ADULT in the house is probably relatively small compared to those who think an adult with £1200 disposable income each month can stump up a bit for utilities.

Discovereads · 27/10/2022 23:14

@Ted27
I paid off my mortgage and a home improvement loan this year. My drop in income is still about £300 more than the reduction in outgoings.

Thats massive. So the loss in income from no more CB and CSA for one DC was £300 more than your mortgage payment + a home loan payment? What were you getting? Over a £1k in CB and CSA?

You now have zero housing costs (congratulations by the way), but you can’t afford another person living with you without charging them rent? Even one NMW FT job is enough to support 2 adults when housing costs are zero imho.

Perfectpeace · 27/10/2022 23:20

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 23:04

@Perfectpeace

there’s lot of people on here who don’t need it as they won’t starve without it but still take it cos their son or daughter can afford it and has plenty of money left over

Your child having spare money does not mean you should take it! That sounds so grabby.

I’ve made my feelings on this clear so won’t respond further.

Discovereads · 27/10/2022 23:22

TambourineOfRepentance · 27/10/2022 22:37

Look, when I've got a spare few hours I'll go back and critique each post individually.

But, as far as I'm aware, I'm allowed to argue for my own position on a public forum without having to moderate and disclaim the posts of everyone who happens to take the same position.

Show quote history

So, criticising my choice of words as “hyperbole” is “arguing for your position” is it? Funny, that.

Discovereads · 27/10/2022 23:25

@TambourineOfRepentance
Seems you are quite comfortable with using hyperbole yourself…

my memory of financial extortion under the slave driver I called mum

So I have to conclude, you just felt like picking on me for “slumlord” 🙄

Wisteriaroundthedoor · 27/10/2022 23:28

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 13:54

@Tabitha888

what do you class as “need to”

i would change my kids and use that money for a nice holiday for me and my DH

so yeah I don’t need their rent money for food or anything but the extra money would be nice, so 🤷‍♀️

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Blimey that’s mercenary 😱

Discovereads · 27/10/2022 23:31

@TambourineOfRepentance
they'll be shot against the wall at dawn.

Ah, you’re one of those people. People that say don’t do x, and then go and do x themselves. There’s a name for that. Starts with the same 3 letters as hyperbole.

AWayOut · 27/10/2022 23:32

I was charged rent
And I’m extremely thankful. It taught me to prioritise my rent and bills before anything else.

MrNorrell · 27/10/2022 23:49

I paid some towards rent and bills when I started working full time, as did my step sister. I think most of my friends who didn't go straight to university did as well (a couple moved back home afterwards and definitely did pay then). While the extra money would have been helpful for my mum and stepdad, they'd have managed fine without it.

I'm not sure any of us have felt that much animosity towards our parents about it. It seems pretty pathetic for an adult to be bitter about contributing to their household when they're working full time and have plenty of disposable income.

MrNorrell · 27/10/2022 23:58

That said, I suppose it depends how much you're being charged. Most people, I imagine, charge their children much less than they'd be paying for a room elsewhere (I suppose if they were charging more, most would choose to move out).

Grocery and utility bills were split evenly four ways between parents, SSis and myself but my step sister and I paid a much smaller percentage of the rent.

Ted27 · 28/10/2022 02:28

@Discovereads

where did I mention CSA? and you have no idea what our other expenses are.
No mortgage does not mean no housing costs. I’ve paid out nearly £1500 in essential maintenance in the last two months and there is more to come.
I’ve paid out over £1000 for him to participate in Duke of Edinburgh this summer, he needed new glasses, I’ve paid for his driving license , driving lessons and test. I will still be paying for the family holiday next year.

I do not charge my son rent.
He makes a contribution to the running of the household.
If I were to split the bills in two, I would be asking him for £500.

Yes I probably could ‘afford’ not to ask him for that contribution, but him making that contribution means I can maintain the lifestyle he is used to. And yes I am also entitled to have a life, to go out with my friends, and buy myself a pair of winter shoes.
He has plenty of money to save and fund a social life. There is already a small deposit waiting for him when he decides to move out.

Discovereads · 28/10/2022 03:14

@Ted27

where did I mention CSA?
You didn’t, but I did in the post you were responding to in which I said:
“I think it’s lack of common sense to not plan ahead for when a DC turns 18 and leaves education and CB and if applicable CSA stops? You have 18yrs advance warning after all.”

You replied:
strangely enough some people do plan ahead. I paid off my mortgage and a home improvement loan this year. My drop in income is still about £300 more than the reduction in outgoings.

So thank you for clarifying there is no CSA. But you haven’t answered my question which I have now rephrased to cut out any mention of CSA:

For your reduced outgoings of mortgage payment + loan payment, what additional child related income other than CB did you lose that was of greater value than mortgage payment + loan payment + £205.53/month?

*this is the £300/mo in your comment minus 1 months worth of CB.

Or was the loss of income due to something else entirely and nothing to do with your DC becoming an adult? What am I missing?

Discovereads · 28/10/2022 03:17

@Ted27
To be clear, I’m not judging you or questioning why you have your DC contribute, it’s entirely your choice what you do and we are in complete agreement on the no rent aspect.

I am just trying to understand the logic behind your maths?

Faultymain5 · 28/10/2022 07:42

LuckySantangelo35 · 27/10/2022 18:44

As I say I paid keep and it did me no harm. I had no idea what my parents spent it on but I’m pretty sure it won’t have gone solely on household bills - some of it might have gone on them having a meal out or my mum having her hair done or whatever. And guess what I never begrudged them it!

Right! Who would? Love the username btw

familyissues12345 · 28/10/2022 07:47

Hmm I have a bit of a gripe about rent, but that's due to how my parents handled it - their choice admittedly, but felt harsh

I moved in with baby DS after the failure of the relationship with his Dad. In the 4 months since he was born I hadn't managed to sort out any benefits (CTC or CB), a long story which I won't go into. Anyway, when we moved I managed to sort it and get a substantial back payment. My Dad insisted that I gave them a significant amount as rent in advance, which caused a lot of upset for me as I could have used that payment for a flat deposit and given them rent monthly instead until we moved out.

As it was, the rent they charged made it very difficult for me to ever be in a position to go, so we ended up living there until DS was 3 and we moved in with my husband. TBH, I was very grateful that they took us in, but I felt a bit controlled because of it.

For clarity, they were very high earners. We lived in a 7 figure house, which was lovely but they didn't "need" the large sum they charged me. I tried to put us down for a council property, but they refused to say we were homeless (my parents) so we were on the waiting list for several years.

Due to this, I've always felt if I was in a position to not charge rent, or could at least save it, then I would.

GettingStuffed · 28/10/2022 07:49

They use power and eat food, why shouldn't they pay rent to cover these? Not everyone can afford to take the hit.

Lisad1231981 · 28/10/2022 07:53

We charge dd1 rent, she's an adult and earns a good wage. It's £250 a month towards her food, bills ect. Why should me and DH continue to pay for her when she is an adult. Any money we spend on her would then take away money from her younger siblings, that's not fair either. She still has enough left over to put £500 a month into savings, pay her car and going out ect.

I don't understand why you wouldn't charge an adult rent. Life is not free, you get a job to pay your way and in all likelihood they still have more disposable income than the parents.
We worked out if we were splitting all the bills into the 3 adults that live here it should cost her £900 plus food, so still only paying small amount.

LuckySantangelo35 · 28/10/2022 08:16

Lisad1231981 · 28/10/2022 07:53

We charge dd1 rent, she's an adult and earns a good wage. It's £250 a month towards her food, bills ect. Why should me and DH continue to pay for her when she is an adult. Any money we spend on her would then take away money from her younger siblings, that's not fair either. She still has enough left over to put £500 a month into savings, pay her car and going out ect.

I don't understand why you wouldn't charge an adult rent. Life is not free, you get a job to pay your way and in all likelihood they still have more disposable income than the parents.
We worked out if we were splitting all the bills into the 3 adults that live here it should cost her £900 plus food, so still only paying small amount.

This! totally agree

TinaMummy · 28/10/2022 08:25

I think parents should absolutely charge rent, if even a nominal amount to teach the importance of budgeting and saving. Otherwise you risk ending up like my MiL who has her two adult children living with her for free along with two teenage grandkids all of whom work but do not pay towards bills as it is 'her house so her bills'!