This is going to be controversial but...

[rosesarered95]

I genuinely don't understand the concept of charging your children "rent" to live in their own home. Wouldn't you rather help them by allowing them to save as much money as possible (especially in this current economy) instead of taking money from them which may reduce the amount that they can save each month, resulting in it taking them a bit longer to move out?

I bought my own property on my own aged 25 and would have never been able to achieve this if I wasn't allowed to stay at home rent free and save as much of my salary as I could. Can I just add, I contributed to the household in other ways e.g cooking for the family weekly, cleaning etc.

I totally understand charging your children rent if you are on a lower income and genuinely need the money, but if this is not the case for you, why do you charge your children rent?

It depends - some of my friend's parents charge them rent whilst their kids scrape by on a meagre wage and they go off on a round the world cruise! However other friends pay rent as their parents (usually lone parent) can't afford it.
In my position, I'd probably get them to pay "rent" if they were earning, but put it in a savings account for them to have when they want a deposit for a house

My DD had gap year after Uni and lived at home, earning full time money for much of that year. She saved nothing at all. Now she is at Uni, she is really struggling as she still wants to get her hair and nails done and but clothes whenever she chooses. Living in someone else's home, earning and paying no bills is not preparing a child for real life.
I know many parents who don't need the money saved it and give it back at a time it is really needed but I don't think that should be expected.
Eventually, for her last few months, we insisted our daughter pay us some money each month but have told her we will use that as a fund for when she starts driving lessons.

I don't charge my DD who is back from university. However a friend of mine charges her DS who is 20 and who has done nothing since he finished school. No job, nothing. So she and her husband said they were going to start charging him a nominal rent to get him motivated to get a job - which he has now done. I approve of that. He's a bright boy but no motivation whatsoever.

Some kids who are low on motivation seem to be because they just have it too cushy at home. By contrast the kids I know who have been brought up by a single parent who might have had more of a struggle with money are much more motivated.

Surely the parents should have a higher standard of living and treats like holidays more than their young adult offspring?

Cos they have worked years , increased their wages over the years, built careers over time etc

young people can’t expect it all at once!
give the kids something to aim towards!

I think this is a different scenario. That seems like some kind of punishment being on the outside looking in. Sorry that happened

It felt like that @Faultymain5 , especially looking back now (18 years on!), but I think they genuinely thought they were helping . I've never forgotten it though and always promised myself I wouldn't put my children in that position. It felt like I was being controlled and in a position that meant we'd never be able to move out. It was frustrating as when I questioned it, they spoke about it being difficult having us both there (I won't deny that!) but then what they were doing was making it difficult for me to change that.

It is a different scenario, but my main point is don't charge so much rent (unless you have no choice) unless you're happy for your children to be stuck at home for a long time..

Because it costs money to run a house and adults should contribute to that? Nothing in life is ever free. My mum charged rent (and never gave it back, single mum) it taught us all how to budget and we have all never been in debt and are sensible with money.

I’ve been working since I was 18 and I’m now 57. I think I deserve the big cruise now having done the back packing, camping etc when younger. I went on my first inclusive holiday last year and my first trip on a plane was when I was 14. All of my colleagues in their early 20s enjoy luxury all inclusive holidays - no camping in a wet field for them!

you deffo deserve it!

You’re very vocal on this issue, strange as you don’t have kids.

...benefitted from huge rises in house values etc.... lol

It's just not something I could do - I could never enjoy myself knowing my loved ones, especially my children, were suffering.

You've deliberately misinterpreted what I've said! I'm not saying they shouldn't be allowed to go on holiday and enjoy themselves. I'm saying I find it odd that parents have no qualms about putting their kids in financial hardship whilst they spend thousands on holidays/cars/second homes etc

I'm a single parent on a low income living in an expensive area. If my dc want to stay with me when older then they'll need to contribute. Once I don't get contributions for tax credits and housing benefit on their behalf I'll need to move to a studio flat otherwise. It's the case for most who charge I imagine unless parents are taking it to help them learn to budget however those parents tend to save it and give as a lump sum for an important purchase. Either reason seems acceptable to me

But she was one. Do there’s that🤷🏾‍♀️

What makes you think the children are in hardship? I paid and managed to save for my property and was out enjoying myself every week. When I was 20 I earned more than my mum at the time.

Haven’t rtft but mine do and will pay rent.

Firstly because I wouldn’t manage without it.
Secondly because I’ve seen too many coddled children having no idea how the real world works, because they’ve had their phones/cars/insurance paid for them and don’t understand how much that takes out of a wage.
Where I live you can’t rent a room in a shared house for less than £600 a month, so any complaints about paying rent at all I point out they are very welcome to find somewhere else.

I think we have to be careful about comparing past generations to todays generations. What was commonly possible when you were 20 is far less commonly possible today.

I come from a poor background and in my fifties. Neither I nor my friends were buying houses at 20 years old. We were all living in shitty cheap rented places.

Well said. I was in a similar predicament in that my parents controlling my earnings was deliberately to ensure I could not save. They didn’t want me to leave as I was their housewife and childminder for my younger siblings. They forbade me from going to friends houses or friends coming over to ours. I ended up leaving and starting from nothing.

This was the 90s we left our home town, she had a clapped out car she git rid of and took on second job.

How exactly do you plan if you have no spare income to save up? I didn't ask her for a breakdown just new council tax went up etc 🙄

And plus i wouldn't mug my own mum off letting her work 2 jibs whilst I had the life of Riley with a fully disposable income.

Parents are entitled to nights out and holidays etc. You are a long Time dead.

Yep me too. At 20, I was working retail by day and as a cocktail waitress at night. Me and 2 housemates rented a dilapidated end of terrace house in a slum (the front door was boarded up as it had been kicked in at some
point), we went in round the side entrance.

Yes, when my son got his first proper job at 18, he was shocked at having to pay rent, until we ran him through the finances and told him that on 23k a year, he did have to contribute.

He pays us £250 a month. Pays his own phone, netflix and anything else. He eats with us though, so doesn’t pay for food unless he wants anything different.

He moved out temporarily last year for 6 months when he had to do work training elsewhere. He was shocked to hell at the price of a room in a really grotty house share, having to pay to use a laundrette as the others in the house would leave washing in the machine rotting for days, no one else but him bothering to clean the kitchen or bathroom etc etc.

Now he’s back, he realises what a bloody good deal he’s got living here for £250 a month in a clean home with the use of a washing machine that isn’t shared between 6 other people.

He’s saving well now as when he does move out, he wants to be able to afford somewhere on his own or with one good friend or girlfriend as hated sharing with strangers. It was good for him to have that reality check.

@Discovereads

I don’r need to jusify my maths to anyone. My son is now an adult, I have lost income as a result - income that was spent primarily on him.

As for judgement, this thread is dripping with it, use of words like betrayal, I couldnt imagine, wouldnt occur to me, putting my kids into financial hardship and suffering.
What I don’t understand is the people who say they wouldnt dream of charging rent and then go on to say well of course they contribute by buying the food shop and takeaways - why on earth can they not see it amounts to the same thing.

I pointed out to my son the bills that I pay that didnt exist when I was his age - mobiles, internet, laptops etc etc. He is a massive sports fan, the only TV he watches is sport - so we have skysports and BT sport - thats a bill I only have because of him. So now he’s earning he needs to pay for it himself or they are going. Its easier if I just carry onpaying it and he just gives me a fixed amount to cover food and all his incidentals.

I gave my mum money when I was living at home as a student, she never asked, I did it because the household needed it, she was a single parent, earning peanuts with another dependent child at home.

@LuckySantangelo35 I don’t want luxury cruises ( my idea of hell quite frankly) I’m quite happy with a caravan in Wales or the lovely flat we have found on the Isle of Wight.
I don’t want a higher standard of living than my son, what I do want is to try and maintain what we do have.

How exactly do you plan if you have no spare income to save up?

@Ugzbugz

Well you can either increase income, or cut costs until you have that buffer for when CB stops coming in. Your mum could have worked to increase her income over the 18yrs through promotion or asking her employer to pay for a qualification. She could also have looked at costs to see if any give there over the 18yrs. For example, not having to buy school uniforms or pay for a bus to school or pay for school books & ebook subscriptions or school lunches (unless you get FSM)- all these are a step towards finding a savings. You have to find an extra £1,134 per year to offset the loss of CB.

I agree your case would be similar to mine in that an adult DC would pay for their own bills- their own phone, their own food, their own transport, their own clothes, their own entertainment. This plus the elimination of school costs should offset the £1k/yr loss of CB.

As your mum is single, there’s also the extra Council Tax to think about, which I think would be fair to have an adult DC pay the increase. I don’t have that worry as I’m married so already pay full CT.

I think I am just saying that when it comes to housing costs like rent or mortgage, parent(s) should be able to cover it on their own the second CB stops because otherwise it’s a shock when the adult DC moves out and you don’t want to be facing rent arrears for example. This may mean downsizing or moving to a cheaper (worse) area. Or trying to get social housing from the day the DC are born in the hopes you get one in 18yrs time.

It’s more the contribution requested should be as much as possible what the extra costs are to the parent housing the adult DC because you want to avoid the risk of becoming dependent on them to keep your home and to fund your essential outgoings. I’ve had friends that got into this pickle. One is 70 and her DS is 29 and she refuses to let him move out because if he did, she couldn’t afford the rent and she wants to live in her house the rest of her life (landlord willing).

And plus i wouldn't mug my own mum off letting her work 2 jibs whilst I had the life of Riley with a fully disposable income.
Completely agree.

@Ted27

I don’r need to jusify my maths to anyone. My son is now an adult, I have lost income as a result - income that was spent primarily on him.

Ok, fine I was looking for some sort of explanation as it’s not adding up. It’s fair to say that on the surface your maths are highly suspect. I can’t think of any child related income you would have lost that would total more than a mortgage payment, plus a home loan payment plus an additional £300 per month.

Especially since you’ve said that you had no CSA income. This leaves CB which is a loss in income of only £95/mo.

That means there is additional “lost income” of a minimum of £1k/mo which you have said are directly due to your DC becoming an adult.

You either cannot or will not explain this gap.

So, please forgive me, but I think your response to my comment below describes an impossibility:

strangely enough some people do plan ahead. I paid off my mortgage and a home improvement loan this year. My drop in income is still about £300 more than the reduction in outgoings.

Said in response to my comment:
“I think it’s lack of common sense to not plan ahead for when a DC turns 18 and leaves education and CB and if applicable CSA stops? You have 18yrs advance warning after all.”