What's the secret of very high achieving children?

[Starbrightmoonlight]

Is it private school? Cultural capital? Lots of travel? High expectations? Kids expected to work hard at school, parents setting extra work at home? Is money & extracurriculars a factor?
The most high achieving families I know have children attending private school, travel loads, bring the dc to galleries, exhibitions, theatre etc, kids excel in extracurriculars & parents very invested in "expanding" the curriculum themselves... Any thoughts?

No, you've just not understood my point.

If 2 intelligent parents have a child, the child is likely to be intelligent too. As the parents are intelligent, they are also likely to read to them, check their homework and feed them nutritious food. So the child is doubly advantaged.

@Cavviesarethebest
I was a high achiever at school, my parents never read with me, or read to me, or never checked my homework. It was all left to me.

That's why I think the genetics are the big factor. Of course there are other factors too, like personal motivation and drive, parental involvement, etc. But I don't think saying the genetics is the big factor is not being naive, it's just a fact.

I was very high achieving at school. My parents were both very high achievers, particularly given their backgrounds were very very working class with little money. My dad did extremely well both academically and career-wise and retired at 58 a millionaire.

I'm extremely not successful in my career. I have a job I love actually, but it wouldn't be considered anything special and isn't well paid either. I'm generally quite lazy and have pretty much no ambition or drive to 'succeed'. I am still bright and interested in things, think my earlier academic success came almost entirely from my parents pushing me as I am not intrinsically motivated like that. Remove them from the equation and I am happily mediocre.

I think my point is that it's a combination of genetics and sort of natural ability, but the individual child has to be self motivated or pushed as well. I lack self motivation but luckily my parents pushed me. Had they not then I wouldn't have been a high achiever at all.

Nonsense. Know plenty of state school high achievers those days are gone thankfully. Family down the road from us growing up had 4 kids all went to Oxford or Cambridge state (utterly shit) village primary and comp.

Aren’t there stats that back up that the most successful people have lost a parent while young?

Sorry my “nonsense” was to the numpty that said you pay in what you get out🙄

@mathanxiety fantastic reply & just along the lines of what I was looking for. Thank you.

@peaceandove I would love your dd1s future life complete with the swishy hair! You will need to report back & let us know if it all goes to plan, sounds fabulous!

Mine aren't doing so well as I thought then as neither speak multiple languages or play an instrument 😂

Kids need direction. Innately intelligent or not, I believe the true high achiever has a sense of determination to succeed or a direction they are keen to explore with gusto. If that is lacking, you can take average kids and influence them to become mid/high achieving adults. For this latter group, parents and peers matter. Schooling, tutoring, extracurriculars etc, that's where these can come in to help 'progress' a child. For all the parents saying "I didn't do much" or "they were fine in state school with no tutors"; what would the outcome have been if that child was not self-driven to succeed? Would you have done more, or left that child to 'find their way' eventually?

@Refrosty great reply, I'd imagine most dc would fall into the second category

Natural intelligence, the good fortune to be able to access a good school (state or otherwise) and no pushy parent on the scene.

(I have eight kids, all objectively high achieving as in went to Oxbridge etc).

My family life could be described on a generous day as a culture of benign neglect - we could all take about our deprecation growing up whilst our parents drank and smoked. I have five siblings and they are all wealthy - I mean multi-million - including myself. No cultural capital, a few of us did grammar school and Uni but even the 2 that didn’t built their own business. My family has money but there’s very little love.My mum was very keen on exam grades - obsessed really, still is with the grandkids, we make a joke out of it. She was ambitious for us but did very little to help - it made us very self reliant.

Money always helps but also time. Lots of activities are free or low cost (libraries, museums, some clubs e.g. scouts) but need parental engagement. Children who are taken to libraries and museums (and nice meals, theatres, NT properties etc) as standard from a young age and have parents who take the time to talk them through the history/facts and really value education are always going to be at an advantage. Even families in low income can access private schools on bursaries etc but you need to know where to look and I know for sure my parents didn't have a clue. I was a bright kid, I read everything in sight (mum left school at 15 after raising 10 siblings and barely attending and dad was a builder), in all top sets, first in family to go to uni and now a teacher. When I moved to uni I'd never been to the theatre, London, a museum, and art gallery. I'd never met anyone middle class or even visited a big city. All of this was just outside my sphere and really put me at a disadvantage. Parents were always too busy making sure we were fed to take me to a museum and I'd imagine they would have thought those places weren't for the likes of them.
So money, time and a commitment to education. Intrinsic motivation is essential but can only take you so far without exposure.

As a teacher I can now see that all, or certainly the vast majority, of the highest achievers are autistic; what would have been called "Aspergers". Obviously this natural "gift" can be nurtured by being given the opportunity to learn musical instruments, being exposed to the arts etc.

I wouldn't say that high earning is the same thing as high achieving though. It depends what OPs definition of high achieving is?

It's nature and nurture. I have one reasonably high-achieving DD and one less so. They've both had similar cultural upbringings, both read a lot, we travel a bit, but one is more driven to succeed than the other.

To get a bit soppy and philosophical though, the very highest achievement is having a really happy, fulfilling life. So enough money to suit your needs, supportive loving friends and family, a job you get satisfaction from, good health and luck to stay healthy. Education allows you to have more choices that could lead to making you happy and be a source of happiness in itself. But it’s not enough on it’s own.

Surely it's down to intellect. I've tried really hard to raise my children with cultural capital, spent time teaching them and talking to them. Piano lessons and other extra curricular. Reading to them etc etc but they are both average ability and are on for 5/6s at GCSE. They are wonderful well rounded teens but despite my efforts are not high achievers. I never wanted them to stress about grades or tests so never pushed srressed them with that so maybe they lack the drive some others have but some children don't have to try they are just naturally clever

You may find they do really well in higher education in a degree subject that isn’t covered at school. There are also careers that depend on abilities that just aren’t used in academia, like air traffic control, or logistics. They may be extremely good ‘people’ types who are able to manage, persuade and negotiate. None of these are really measured by four A star A levels, and some skills, such as initiative, are actually trained out of children in an intensely academic environment. They are, however, incredibly important in surviving a tricky and competitive job market. Exam grades aren’t everything, especially as you get older. They get you to the next stage and that’s all.

I disagree re pushy parents, I know from my own experience they can have a big impact on their children. I have always been bright and determined, but my father's pushy attitude has turned me into a high achiever like he is (and he did in fact lose his father in childhood so that's really interesting to read on here). My mother was encouraging, not pushy, she gave me exposure to a variety of things. Objectively, I probably would have been happier with both parents being encouraging instead because my father being pushy has made me over-ambitious, a perfectionist, never pleased with myself, all of this is unhealthy and it's affected mý MH and self worth negatively. But I think without that, I would not have been a high achiever.

Forgot to add, I can definitely see how pushy parents can cause children to go back into their shell and underachieve due to stress, it's hard to live under such pressure, and it can go either way depending on your child's personality.

Not necessarily

I also disagree with money. The child needs to be naturally clever. All the money and best schools can't make a child bright.

Agree.

but having money can help the naturally bright child become high achieving as it gives more space and quiet to study, more enrichment trips and outings, more access to extra curriculars etc.

A basic example here. 2 children both with an aptitude for languages. One stays in UK for holidays as the family can't afford any more. The other goes abroad to different countries and is exposed to the language, culture etc. The family can visit whatever country the child is studying the language of. Which one will be more likely to pick MFLs for GCSE and A level and achive their language skill potential?

I also disagree with money. The child needs to be naturally clever. All the money and best schools can't make a child bright

they can turn an average child into an achiever though, and give that bright child opportunities.

i was a “bright” child, but coming from a family where no one had been to uni, and in an average comprehensive, there was very little in the way of careers guidance or aspirational support.

I had no clue about career options like law school, medical school, even that degrees in subjects like pharmacy even existed. I suppose now with the internet things are easier, but my parents couldn’t help, and school wasn’t interested.

i had a friend who wanted to be a dr, and didn’t realise a BTEC in health and social care wan’t going to help her achieve that goal.

little things, like good schools teach you how to pass exams, and show up well in interview. Somewhere along the line I ended up thinking an A was pretty much unachievable, and you needed to get 100%, so I stopped bothering. Once it was pointed out an A was “only” 70%, a little bit of effort and I could churn them out with ease. That and being taught how to structure an essay properly, which I wasn’t shown until I got to uni.