What's the secret of very high achieving children?

[Starbrightmoonlight]

Is it private school? Cultural capital? Lots of travel? High expectations? Kids expected to work hard at school, parents setting extra work at home? Is money & extracurriculars a factor?
The most high achieving families I know have children attending private school, travel loads, bring the dc to galleries, exhibitions, theatre etc, kids excel in extracurriculars & parents very invested in "expanding" the curriculum themselves... Any thoughts?

To some extent, I think it's about the role models they have. However, I was the first and only person in my family to get a degree. So was exH. It seemed inevitable though that DDs would go to uni and both have done well.

I mean this nicely but I would try and do something about having a daughter who would hate to fail. Lower the stakes and build resilience and sense of perspective. Perfectly possible not to fail at school, or even university, but at work any very successful person will fail at some point. The high achievers will have the tenacity and self worth to bounce back.

It was simple in our house,Me,I was never a high achiever but my first born just genuinely had a love of learning,He just wanted to know everything and soaked it up like a sponge, High achiever forgive my proud mum brag but it doesnt cover it with him! I have no clue really ,think it was down to luck of the draw! I couldnt help him much so he sought out people who could.Having said that as smart as he is he has no common sense,never looks when crossing a road,knocks stuff all over and spills everything...not quite strret smart!!

I was a very high achiever. I went to a state school, I was the first person in my family to go to university and now have a PhD. For me it was a combination of natural ability and loving school because it was better than home. I had parents who praised academic achievement to the point of me being scared to fail. They weren't pushy though, I did nothing extra curricular and they showed little interest in what I did. They just thought getting a B when I was capable of getting an A was a failure.

I wouldn't recommend it. Doing a PhD nearly broke me. I'm determined my kids won't be like me - academically brilliant but low self esteem and terrible anxiety. I want them to enjoy learning but also not worry about getting the highest grades. And I want them to have the opportunity to do non-academic things and explore anything that interests them with no pressure to be good at it.

@NooNooHead1981 and so you should be very proud, your dd sounds wonderful & you soynd like a great supportive mum & really lovely too!

Parental expectations/stimulation from the start but I think if you have high achieving parents, there is a bigger likelihood of them having a high achieving child. Some is nurture, but I think a lot is in the genes too.

Genes. I really think nature is more important than nurture a lot of the time.

My dad grew up in abject poverty, yet was a "wonderkid" with a photographic memory. He would read and memorise (word for word) the encyclopaedia and could read adult texts by the age of 4. He is still one of the most intelligent people I have ever met and his knowledge of history (including all European dynasties' lines of succession, names, dates of any historical battles etc etc) is absolutely unbelievable. No one spent any time on teaching him anything outside of school. He was just hungry for knowledge and would read and read anything and everything.

My grandfather (mum's dad) had an absolutely tragic childhood. He was born in the Soviet Union. His father was killed in an accident before he was born. His mother remarried a dissident who was executed by the State and she was imprisoned as "the wife of an enemy of the State". My grandfather as a very young child bounced from one relative to another. When his mother was eventually released from prison years later, they were EXTREMELY poor, living in basement apartments in almost inhuman conditions. Yet, my grandfather was unbelievably academically gifted and went on to become a very well-known scientist in the Soviet Union. He was one of the lead scientists in the Chernobyl enquiry.

My younger brother was also a gifted child and went on to Cambridge/Harvard and although he had a lovely childhood, his head for STEM subjects is completely due to natural ability. No one ever forced him to do anything. It all came from him.

On the other hand, my own daughter has been privately educated since reception and she has absolutely zero interest in or talent for academics, regardless of how much money I throw at it. She is very talented in other ways though, in particular in sports which she is very passionate about.

Incresing brain stamina through exercise might help.

freakonomics.com/podcast/can-you-learn-to-love-hard-work/

Although positive traits like natural passion about things and hardwork sound nice.

What I have personally seen is that the ego driven ( yes in kids) nature does it and does it well. Both people were very clever kids , they both knew what they could acheive ; but one thing they had in common was that they wanted to see how it feels that they could just walk over others with all the success and power they had.

They are both very high acheivers and thier focus has never altered from their goal. All things happened , marraige, kids, houses etc... but they keep acheiving awards, laurettes etc. They feed on the success feeling and so they earn them.