Depends what you mean by very high achieving.
For some people, that’s defined by passing all their GCSEs and A Levels with solid grades and going to Uni. As some on this thread say, they would hate their kids to be high achieving. With that parental attitude, it’s much less likely that their kids will be.
Very high achieving could mean all 9s at GCSE, all A Star at A Level and the. Getting the First from Oxbridge and onto a highly competitive graduate training programme and whizzing up the ranks. Although this is clearly a minority who achieve this, it is a decent number every year.
One level down, you’ll have heaps of kids who get pretty much tops grades through school and either go to Oxbridge and get a good degree and access to a good career, but not one of the absolutely most competitive, or those with top degrees from RG unis who go onto stellar careers.
There will always be a small number who achieve these successes from disadvantaged backgrounds and due to pure talent and personal drive, but the numbers of these will be very small. It’s not impossible, but highly unlikely. Most children who go onto very high achievement are from homes where aspiration and achievement is important. Many are in cultures where it is simply the norm and anything else not really considered - either in the home or at school or amongst peers.
Parents and home can do a lot. A culture of aspiration, of working hard at school and performing well, with of course inbuilt ‘clever’ genes which come from having bright parents who have been successful. Add into this a culture of interest in a range of activities and family expectation that time is spent on sport, music, cultural activity and not just sitting on the internet in free time. People discussing ideas at dinner and visiting places for holidays and at weekends - all involves times, money and enthusiasm. Some families push themselves hard to do this stuff and for others it’s just natural. Some kids will have all this whilst attending poor or average schools and these home factors help compensate for the poor school.
Schools are important too. Not just for the teaching and facilities but also for the peer group. A naturally rather lazy child who doesn’t have many interests who finds themselves with an able and motivated per group is far more likely to take on the aspirations and work ethic of their peers and to get involved in a range of stuff. It’s a key reason why people push for state Grammar places and pay fees for school.
It’s true too that at some point, it really does have to come from the child. There are lots of MH issues amongst high achievers. Whether it’s pressure from parents or schools or themselves is t always easy to pin down, but perfectionism and pushing yourself to the extent that being a massively high achiever requires for the vast majority, can bring its own costs. Personality can play a big role here….some people are better able to come with pressure and to get a sense of balance than others.
This thread is by a poster who is obviously interested in their kid being high achieving. They want to know what role parents can play in making it happen. I think that with parents, on one level it is what you choose to do and actions you take, but more instrinically it’s about who you actually are yourself. And all of us are who we are.