Children "dumped" no one will help. Police and SS useless.

[CadburyPurple]

A divorced mother of 4 children took them to the home of her ex sister in law and left them there saying she'll have them back on Monday.

The ex husband is homeless so has nowhere to have the children but his ex-wife says it's his weekend and his problem. But he isn't around, just his sister who has 3 children of her own, so no room for them.

Social services say the children have a home so they won't get involved, despite them being dumped on someone who can't care for them. The police say it's up to social services.

It's the neighbour of a good friend who is trying to support her but is at a loss. Surely SS have to take responsibility?

The poor mother is probably at the end of her tether. I'm on my own with a baby, just one, and have felt at breaking point at times. Multiply that by 4 and - Jesus, I don't know where I'd be. Its constant and it's relentless with kids.

Surely the ex SIL, the children's aunt, could keep hold of them till Monday? I can't imagine my SIL handing over my niece for the weekend and me handing her over to police/SS.

Irresponsible shitty behaviour from the DM. No matter how desperate you are you don’t dump your DC on other people and run out the door saying you’ll be back in a few days. Did she provide cash towards their food, heating and hot water and overnight bags with clothes and toys? While their DF should be doing this as it’s his weekend the DC have been dumped without prior notice on a 3rd party and it is not their responsibility to absorb these costs, particularly if they can’t afford it.

The DF needs to step up and and make alternative arrangements for having his DC until he gets his homelessness sorted. At the very least he can provide money toward their food, heating and hot water and take them out all day and return them to their aunt in the evening, and then continue this in the family home.

As usual it’s the kids who are the collateral damage between parents. How sad for them all.

He hasn't gone awol, he told his ex he had nowhere to have the children. She couldn't be bothered to have her own children in their own home.

Your bar for a mother is a hell of a lot lower than my bar for men.

Would you have an actual conversation with her or dump a child on her doorstep with no arrangements?

For all we know he may have told her his predicament and explained in the short term he can't have them this weekend

He may have told her he is looking for a solution

He may have asked her to swap weekends as it's an emergency

We. Don't. Know!!

People saying the father should try much harder to get accommodation- you really have no idea what it's like to be a homeless single man in the UK right now. It's unlikely the council will help in any way, and unless he has money for a deposit, he won't get a look in at a private rental.

I very much doubt he is in this situation through choice.

If he is also struggling to feed himself and perhaps at times sleeping rough, I can also understand why he may not want his children to see him- even though I know they would probably want to anyway.

The 'mother' is at fault here

Where's the daft mare gone?

No they wouldn’t, the kids clearly live with their mum, and she’s having them back Monday. For him to suddenly eligible for housing for them he’d have to be in receipt of child benefit for them and actually have custody of them. The kids have a home so the council aren’t going to give them a second one are they.

He has no home, he has no job, where do you think he's getting the money from? He had a job and a home and he's lost them, not because he got sacked but because the business closed.

I don't think people on MN understand what it is like to have nothing.

I wonder if dad is actually paying to support his kids? Maybe mum had no option but to 'dump' them in the hope they would get a warm house and some food?

You've just told us how shit having one DC of your own is, why on earth do you expect another woman to put up four DC who aren't hers, with no notice?

Thank heavens someone understands what it is like for a homeless person without children (male or female) and no job. The chances of them getting somewhere to live is low, getting somewhere suitable for overnight stays for 4 children is probably zero.

The dad was working

Why everyone is assuming he's a scumbag is beyond me...

He could go back to the marital home which he probably paid into for years before the divorce

That's my solution

Maybe the mum is working too. Maybe that's why she felt like she had no choice but to leave her children with their aunt. Her losing her job because her ex can't house his children for the weekend wouldn't do anyone any good.

Not answer his phone is shitty. If the mother is going to behave like this dad needs to go after resident parent status on the grounds that mother isn't keeping them safe.

It's nothing to do with ex-SIL. If she can't afford to feed them or doesn't have time to look after them with having 3 DC of her own, she needs to take them to police station and refuse to take them home with her, give mother's address to police and father's phone number and leave police/SS to sort it out.

Those poor kids with parents like that. It's no good dad wringing his hands "what can I do? woe is me" attitude, he needs to step up and go after custody so he can house them. Too many men are happy to walk away in a relationship breakdown and do EOW because it suits them not to be a single parent with majority custody. If the kids mother isn't coping (or is a neglectful idiot, depending on what fueled her behaviour dumping the kids) he needs to step up. They're his kids too.

How is he going to get custody while homeless?

The Dad is at fault here. He could take the children out during the day & feed them. He can't expect to have no responsibility at all.

Yeah what a bastard. Everyone knows that single men are prioritised by the council for housing, he's probably judt being homeless to spite her.

For all we know dad has been screwing around with contact prior to loosing his home and job. He wouldn’t be the first one to constantly break contact because well he has better things to do.

Mum might have made it known that if he didn’t arrive to collect at x time and have them for the day, she would drop them with his sister.

I'd be cross with my brother and ex SIL but I'd also be sympathetic to her in that she is probably struggling. The dad may not be paying anything towards their care at this point. I'd probably find something for my neice/nephew to sleep on but I'd be expecting my brother to pay for the associated costs and take over the care of the children when he isn't at work.

Maybe mum is also finding it difficult to trace him so hoping this action would draw him out to step up for his family.

If homeless I'd be expecting my ex to at least take all the children out for the day and feed them out so I could get a break for a few hours. I'd expect him to put them to bed and stay at my house until I got back if I had evening plans to go out.

I wouldn't be phoning SS but would be looking seriously at how this family need support to make it work for thr children.

You've just entirely made up that scenario. The OP says he's sofa surfing and looking for a room in a houseshare.

dad needs to go after resident parent status

With no money, job or home? How exactly would he do that? There's not a chance in hell a court would award him residency over the mum unless she was actively abusing them.

It's a shitty situation. The dad might be a complete waste of space, or he might genuinely be on the bones of his arse and desperately trying to sort something out. We don't know.

Either way, it's certainly not the aunts responsibility to feed, entertain and care for 4 extra kids in her flat with no notice or permission. Wtaf.

Being homeless doesn't negate his responsibility as a father, at the very least he could pay and care for them at his sisters.

@CadburyPurple
Haven't read the full thread, but there have been suggestions that the children's dad could have taken them to a Travel Lodge, presumably in a family room, but if he has no work, how is he going to pay for this? He could be having a nervous breakdown somewhere, it would be a decent parent's nightmare not being able to provide for their children.