Children "dumped" no one will help. Police and SS useless.

[CadburyPurple]

A divorced mother of 4 children took them to the home of her ex sister in law and left them there saying she'll have them back on Monday.

The ex husband is homeless so has nowhere to have the children but his ex-wife says it's his weekend and his problem. But he isn't around, just his sister who has 3 children of her own, so no room for them.

Social services say the children have a home so they won't get involved, despite them being dumped on someone who can't care for them. The police say it's up to social services.

It's the neighbour of a good friend who is trying to support her but is at a loss. Surely SS have to take responsibility?

Completely agree. So many have commented that the children's aunt should dump her neices/nephews on SS or police, but put yourselves in the childrens' shoes, knowing they were regarded at best as an inconvenience.

@CadburyPurple can you not lend her some bedding?! For all your time spent on here (unless you are the aunt), you could be helping her get some bedding sorted. Amazing during covid how much communities supported each other- people doing each other’s shopping. I’m sure some neighbours could step in and lend some bedding.

Now you are going to tell me she lives in a small hamlet at the neighbours are all on holiday.

No, we don't. But the kids are safe and warm at their aunt's and the father is there. He needs to stay, feed and supervise his children rather than pass the buck onto his former in-laws.
It's shit for the sister and I'd be trying to make it up to my sister massively in this scenario.

I don't think the SIL is being selfish as such- I think she is probably prioritising her own kids. Which I suppose you could say is selfish, but I don't think she is only thinking of her own kids.

If she has no spare money (and there are people posting threads about not being able to afford food until the end of the month, or a £20 christmas present) then she cannot afford to feed 4 children. If she has no spare bedding, 4 kids sleeping on the floor with nothing to keep them warm etc, that's really not fun.

Or else, she asks her own children to share their beds for the weekend- but we have no idea of the ages involved, or whether that would be appropriate. And she may want her own children to get a good nights sleep and so on...

It is a different situation to, say, if the ex-wife's house had burnt down, too. These children have their own beds and a presumably comfortable house somewhere. Surely it makes more sense for them to sleep there?

I do suspect the mum is really struggling in some way to do this- especially if she is still ignoring her phone.

These are simple issues with obvious answers. You rally round! Three women are involved now and still can’t figure out how to look after these kids. I wonder if SIL / Auntie would like her kids left at a police station?

It costs over a £100,000 a year to look after a child who goes into L A care
The outcomes are rarely good
Social workers are not parents
We will all bear the cost, we already are!
Children leaving care need years of support
Are groomed, craving affection, do worse in education and have little in terms of emotional stability
We build societal unrest for ourselves

Text the mum and tell them they are in the care of social services.

How could any parent do that? Honestly, it beggars belief

Where else would you take an abandoned child(ren) though?

I can't believe how many people are seriously having a go at the aunt in this situation!

Did you miss the part where she is also a single mum with 3 kids of her own in a 2 bed flat? You have no idea what her circumstances are. She might get no help or money from her kid's dad either! But it's shitty of her to not manage 4 kids being dumped with no notice? Come on now.

No point in responding to unpleasant sarcasm. Aren't you nice?

@starlight48 exactly and maybe if families stepped in more rather than getting the “social” to sort it, social workers would have more time to spend with the kids where there really are no suitable family members.

Not as shit as the people suggesting they should be taken to a police station.

The poor kids. I wonder how long it's been since they've seen their dad.

@CadburyPurple I’m just stating the obvious.

We don’t know if this is a long running situation of the father losing jobs, making excuses not to have his DC, not paying maintenance, and being a shit father. Why was he not answering his phone? How do we know the mother didn’t contact him and tell him she was dropping the DC off at his sisters and he needed to sort out arrangements for the weekend.

She could have planned something long in advance for the weekend, could have planned to go away etc. Maybe told him to come to hers to have them but he refused and ignored her so dropping them at his sisters was his way of making him take responsibility. She may have told him this and that was why he wasn’t picking up his phone. She didn’t abandon them in the street.

You can’t judge the mother on the basis of the OP as she doesn’t know the situation either.

4 DC is a lot and she does need a break from doing it all on her own especially if the other parent is not even working and taking no responsibility. Sounds like he only has them 4 days a month anyway!

Because SHE abandoned them!

Yes, he has failed to do his part, that is not an excuse for her to wilfully abandon her own children.

The poor fucking sister/SIL in the middle of this, with FOUR children dumped on her with no notice...how about some thought for her?

The mother is a massive twat to have done this.

I’m pretty sure OP is the aunt.

I haven't said she is the devil, but if she is the primary carer then she can't just dump her children on aunties without arranging it first.

Having been a child that would be dragged to a family member and just dumped on them, no prior arrangement just "I can't cope, you have to take her", it's very traumatic. You can't do that to people.

If I were the Sil, I wouldn't be answering the door to her next time

If the mum genuinely cared about them seeing the dad, surely she'd offer up her own house for contact once he said he had nowhere to take them?

The fact that she's done this implies that something else is going on, I think.

I'm really amazed she is not answering her phone still. What if one of the children had an accident or had been taken seriously ill, or something? Would she not want to know?

Three women are involved now

3 women who aren't the parents of the children but should take responsibility for this shitshow because the mum has decided to dump the kids? Come off it.

@CallTheMobWife yes agreed re: mum. But aunt needs to just deal with it for the weekend in the best interests of the kids (foster care will be hugely traumatic for them and they will be waiting hours at the police station until social services find an emergency foster carer who could even be miles away from where they live).

I do agree, aunt needs to follow up with social services Monday but right now on a Saturday night, it is not the right time.

Also all this talk about lending bedding. Who has spare duvets and pillows? Everything is used here, wouldn't have any spare

Because dad checked out.

Thank god the useless dads on his way there now. Kids can top and tail or I'm guessing she has a double bed at least so can fit kids in there and on sofa. For 2 nights I'm sure it's doable. Dad needs to sort things out for next week so it doesn't happen again.

The mother isn't evil but the father isn't also. The assumptions r just crazy, people don't know if father doesn't bother regularly, they don't know if mother works , they don't know that father hasn't genuinely been trying to find suitable accommodation and a new job, they assume mother could have mental health issues but don't consider that father might, i mean he has just become jobless and homeless at same time couple of weeks ago.

I do we camp. I always keep back a few older pillows when we upgrade exactly for sleepovers. Plus we have sleeping bags and air beds. A million blankets to save the heating and a corner sofa with poof. We can easily sleep four in a livingroom no push and leaving all bedrooms exactly as they normally are. I fact I have camping bunk beds. Where abouts is the aunty op.