Children "dumped" no one will help. Police and SS useless.

[CadburyPurple]

A divorced mother of 4 children took them to the home of her ex sister in law and left them there saying she'll have them back on Monday.

The ex husband is homeless so has nowhere to have the children but his ex-wife says it's his weekend and his problem. But he isn't around, just his sister who has 3 children of her own, so no room for them.

Social services say the children have a home so they won't get involved, despite them being dumped on someone who can't care for them. The police say it's up to social services.

It's the neighbour of a good friend who is trying to support her but is at a loss. Surely SS have to take responsibility?

She has abandoned them - on a relative. She is in the wrong - end of.

The immediate issue (and it's probably been said) is to ensure there are funds available for this lady to provide food for 4 extra kids and if she has a meter for power, enough to keep it running. Did their mother leave money? The Father? Grandparents?

From reading this thread I have found the very stereotypical Attitudes of men and woman single parent woman and ex man fascinating, a lot of the mother must have been desperate, father must have been skiving and not taking responsibility, both these parents have acted irresponsible. When someone suggested mother might need to work , someone else said father could be out looking for work and new home in sarcastic way, like how do we know they are not.
When talking about father poor life choices when what about mothers having 4 children she may not be able to care for I'd she is prepared to just hand them to random people.

Contact isn't about giving the mother a break

It's for the kids benefit. Not hers

I feel sorry for the aunt. It's all very well saying that she should find a way to feed and house the children for a weekend, but if she lives in a small flat, then she may literally not have any suitable space for them to sleep in, or bedding etc even if they could sleep on the floor (which is not going to be pleasant for the children, when presumably they have proper beds at mums).

Feeding 4 children for a weekend is potentially a lot of money, if she doesn't have much food in. If it was just her, I imagine she would prioritise the children, but most parents won't be willing to prioritise their nieces and nephews over their own kids in terms of feeding them, paying bills etc.

Plus, I guess it is in the back of her mind that actually the mum may not come back on Monday, and she is stuck with the responsibility longer term.

I agree with asking the police to do a welfare check on the mum, actually. They may not be willing to, but if this is very out of character for her, I'd be genuinely concerned about her mental health. It's not impossible she wants the children out of the house because she is having a mental health crisis.

Ideally, I'd think maybe the mum should leave the family home for the weekend, and allow the dad to stay there to look after the children. But I understand there may be lots of reasons she doesn't want to do this.

As others have said, I doubt the father has chosen to be in this situation. But yes, he should try to come up with a better plan for his weekends long term. However, short term, I don't think it is actually unreasonable for someone who is newly homeless to say "sorry, I can't have the kids this weekend, I've got no money and I'm literally homeless". The resident parent wouldn't be in that situation, because they would be found some kind of emergency housing.

I do actually think social services ought to get involved on some level, but I also know they're very overstretched.

Has the sister in law got back in touch with them, explained the mum cannot be contacted and the children have nowhere to sleep tonight?

OP if you are a friend of the SIL please pleas lend her a fiver for food for them and some spare bedding and let them sleepover af hers and try and make it fun.
They will suffer here as there is no way they aren’t aware no one wants them.
Being abandoned by your mum must be the most painful thing in the world. My heart is breaking for them. Please try and shield them from this.

@ancientgran of course he's dumped them. It is his responsibility to have them this weekend and he's just washed his hands of them. Decided it's too inconvenient. He could have taken them out for the day, he could have spoken to his family and asked for support for overnight. He just couldn't be assed and decided to make it his ex's problem.

And who on earth should the kids live with if the mum lost residency like you want? Dad can't even manage to take them to the park for a few hours so he's clearly not an option.

Dad has not 'dumped them on their mother'

Bet he would happily move back into the ex marital home for the weekend for his contact

Yeah, really responsible to go awol when you're supposed to be looking after your four kids @ancientgran

There really is no bar low enough for men for you is there?

@rafanadalsarms but surely you can understand her anger that her ex can just bugger off and there is no way of holding him accountable for the children he chose to create? Men refusing to have their kids is, at a minimum, child neglect and it should be treated as such by the authorities.

DV being the exception, parents should love their children more than they hate each other and even if it has to be through gritted teeth, they should bloody communicate and sort out arrangements that are in the best interests of their children.

I totally understand that there are shit parents and this doesn't always happen though, it makes my blood boil that so often, children bear the brunt of adults and their hideously selfish behaviour.

The current haven't been abandoned. They are with an aunt. The father can see them at her house.

Or he can try much, much harder to get accommodation for himself.

Sounds like a mother at the end of her tether, and no, SS and police shouldn't get involved. She didn't dump them with strangers or in a public place.

If the visitation is court ordered she would leave herself open to accusations of defying the court order if she didn't leave the children in a place where the father has access to them.

The neighbour/ friend / OP needs to give the children's father a big kick up the backside. If seeing the children is important to him he needs to get his act together. If not, then he can end the contact agreement.

Why wont their mum keep them even if its not her weekend, they are her children, unfortunately for them

Is she not doing the same?

Current = children

id be looking after the children until Monday, finding the father and taking him and the dc to council on Monday morning.

The council will have to house the children and father in temporary accommodation

when the mother telephones on Monday, id be out busy doing stuff

I would contact social services.

Agree with @WeAreAllDead

Feckless man expects woman to take up the slack, jeopardises woman's job...

If he had the 4 kids he'd be a priority for housing, emergency initially but hopefully then get something permanent. Until he found work he'd get benefits like any parent who hasn't got an income.

Don't know what the weather is like where you are but it has been hammering down with rain where I am and where else would a man without money take 4 kids, how would he feed them. She has a home an she either has a job or benefits or maybe both so she is totally irresponsible and shouldn't be trusted with children.

She is 100% doing the same I find it bizarre that not many people see this!

Exactly -

there are so many things he could do to step up.

He is getting a pass.

But she would get priority emergency housing, no? As I'm sure a dad would had he full custody.
I know a fella who was trying to get housing for years but barely made the list. He couldn't afford a private let, especially one big enough for his kids to visit and the bed sit he did get at one point was deemed unfit for the children to stay at as it was far too small and had nowhere suitable for the kids to sleep. Sometimes blokes can't win if they start struggling in life.

Those poor children. Their parents are monumentally selfish and clearly wrapped up in their own needs and dramas.

Dad not seeing his kids for agreed contact = shit

Mum deciding for whatever reason she’s just going to leave them unannounced at an aunts house = shit.

SS and the police aren’t going to get involved for the sake of 48hrs but their aunt should be reporting this situation to the dc’s schools/childcare/HV’s/School Nurses first thing Monday.

My child's dad is also homeless and no contact with his family so he has nowhere to have them. Also has no job so no money for hotels.

I'd be fucked, I couldn't just dump my kid on his family - they work on the weekend anyway!

Even if contact isn’t to give the mother a break it does. Same as all you who hate how we say school isn’t childcare and shout that it really is though.

saying contact is for the benefit of the children which is also true just makes HIM an even shittier father.

Men constantly shrug their shoulders leaving the mother to pick up the bits. Yet many don’t even bat an eyelid at it. The second a mother does the same back quick call the police, call the social. Hang her in the streets why not.